NEWARK (NJ)
Times Union [Albany NY]
August 8, 2024
By Jack Rightmyer
A single incident in the 1970s had an impact on Len Prazych’s life, relationship with family
It happened on a sweltering night in August 1971, in Bayonne, N.J. Len Prazych was 11 years old. It only took 15 seconds but the sexual abuse he suffered at the hands of his parish priest, who was almost like a second father to him, forever changed his life.
“I came from a strict Catholic upbringing and the messaging in my family is you don’t talk about these things,” said Prazych, who lives in Clifton Park. “You also never say anything against a priest or the church. It’s over 50 years later, and I’m still struggling to understand the motivations of why my parents acted like they didn’t believe me.”
Prazych has recently self-published a memoir “My Fathers: Letters of Healing on a Quest for the Truth.” “I never attempted to find an agent or a publisher,” he said. “I just wanted to get the book out. I want people to read my story. I’m not interested in making money from this book. I’m interested in helping other people who are survivors of sexual abuse.” The story is told in a series of letters to Prazych’s father, and one to the priest centered in the incident.
The event happened in his own home. It was a night when his father had invited the priest to have a few drinks and stay for an after-dinner talk. Prazych was allowed to sleep in his parents’ bedroom that night because it was so warm and there was an air conditioner in that room. When the abuse happened he ran to his mom to tell her and the next day the priest was gone from the parish without any word. “Years later, my parents denied that anything had happened, and when I was a child the event was never discussed.”
Attempts to contact St. Henry’s Church in Bayonne, where Prazych had gone to church and where the priest was assigned, went unanswered.
He described the writing as very cathartic and therapeutic. “I also had some much-needed professional therapy treatments along the way. Writing is great, but it’s not a replacement for a professional therapist who will push you to doing real work on your trauma.”
One of the important messages he wants people to take away from this book is to speak out and say something when some type of abuse has occurred. “When this happened I knew it was wrong. The next day that priest was gone, and I’ve often wondered what would have happened if I had stayed quiet, and what if the priest had not been so drunk. I was 11 and able to get away from him before the abuse went very far. By my speaking out I may have also prevented the abuse of more victims.”
As an adult he discovered SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests and Nuns, where he heard stories from sexual abuse victims at the hands of those from churches. “What happened to me was very traumatic, but it could have been so much worse. I’ve heard stories of priests telling children, ‘Don’t talk about this. This is how God shows his love. It’s our secret. If you say anything you’ll go to hell.’”
While writing the book Prazych has also been researching what happened to the priest. “I have found no record of him, which leads me to believe this was his last chance, and he was most likely kicked out of the priesthood. I can’t find a record that he was relocated anywhere else.”
In the book, Prazych describes the difficult childhoods that his parents suffered and how their Catholic faith sustained them. “Part of why I wrote this book was an attempt to understand why both of my parents never acknowledged this abuse. I have no proof, but I wonder if they had signed an agreement with the parish to never talk about this.”
His father had strong faith his entire life and as a young man had even been in a seminary to become a priest. Prazych was only inspired to start writing this recollection after his father died in 2022. “He was a strict Catholic who took this secret to his grave. My mom passed first. She may have acknowledged that it had happened, but most likely kept her silence to support my dad. She was always a great supporter of him.”
Prazych has been a journal writer for much of his life, and that’s how the book came about. “I tried to write this story as a novel, as an autobiography and as creative nonfiction, but nothing seemed to work. I kept running into roadblocks, but then I stumbled upon this letter writing format. It was shortly after my dad had died, and I was grieving so I wrote a letter to him and then another letter and eventually all these stories and my emotional pain began to come out.”
Writing this book has helped Prazych to heal and to forgive.
“I have a deeper understanding of the event and of my parents’ motivations. I also know how unhealthy it is to hold on to secrets. As a parent to my own children, I’ve always tried to be honest with them at all times. At the age of 11, I essentially lost my father. He was there physically and a positive presence, but I lost him emotionally. Our relationship after that day never felt the same.”
Prazych’s faith as a Catholic also drifted away following his trauma. “At that time church was a big part of my life, but today I’m an agnostic. I love churches especially their architecture, but I don’t love organized religions. I do have a spirituality that I’m continuing to work on.”
People have discovered his book online, and many are writing to him to discuss their own abuse and how their parents acted.
“These abusive situations are so rampant, and they need to be talked about,” Prazych said. I’ve even had requests for interviews from people in England, Ireland and Spain.
“The global reach of this book was something I was not expecting.”