‘Conclave’: Pope On a Rope

AUSTIN (TX)
Book and Film Globe [Austin TX]

October 26, 2024

By Neal Pollack

On the surface, it’s a prestige Oscar picture about the Catholic Church. But it’s actually a pulpy soap opera.

‘Conclave’ contains all the aspects of a Serious Oscar Contender. It’s about the Catholic Church, stars older, award-winning actors, fills every space with portentous orchestral music, and follows serious people having serious thoughts down seriously long corridors. But unlike, say, ‘Spotlight,’ which at its core was a drama about the church covering up sexual abuse of children, the scandals at the heart of Conclave are barely serious enough to bring down an Alabama Senatorial candidate, much less a candidate for Supreme Pontiff.

The movie hints around at the actual problems with the modern church–that it covers up, again,  the sexual abuse of children and that a very recent Pope had an active membership in the Nazi Party as a youth–and instead mostly focuses on stuff that Donald Trump’s lawyers could persuade the average district court to toss. The final plot reveal is such a ludicrous tabloid reveal, it had me wanting to call Maury Povich.


CONCLAVE  ★★★ (3/5 stars)
Directed by: Edward Berger
Written by: Peter Straughn
Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow, Isabella Rosselini
Running time: 120 mins


That said, ‘Conclave’ does have its pleasures. Director Edward Berger, who last year released an Oscar-nominated and very depressing remake of All Quiet on the Western Front, is a smooth craftsman. By the end of the movie, we know very well the contents of the Papal apartments and dining rooms. And the plot, silly as it is, hums along like an excellent, pulpy murder mystery.

It appears that the story of Conclave involves more than meets the eye, but it’s actually less. A beloved Pope dies, and a Doubting Thomas Cardinal, played with a nomination in mind by Ralph Fiennes, is in charge of managing the conclave that will arrange for his succession. The Cardinals are an ethically-mixed bunch, but they all seem to enjoy smoking and drinking, and many of them appear to have committed indiscretions in their youth. Those are sinful old men under those ludicrous robes and silly hats.

At first we think that the Papal succession will be between an Italian conservative who sucks on a vape indoors and seems to think that it’s the Catholic church’s job to engage in a modern crusade against Islamic fundamentalism, and an American liberal played by Stanley Tucci, who clearly would much rather be drinking Negronis on Lake Como or whatever. I hope the filming of this movie didn’t get in the way of Tucci’s busy travel schedule.

But then other contenders emerge, including a Nigerian Cardinal who is hiding a terrible secret, a Mexican Cardinal who served in Iraq and Afghanistan and is hiding a terrible secret, and an American milquetoast played by John Lithgow who is not hiding a particularly terrible secret but is as corrupt as an Illinois governor or the Texas Attorney General. This is the central problem of Conclave, though. You think that Lithgow is a big bad when really he’s just a low-rent schemer who escaped from a Coen Brothers movie.

Everyone in this movie is having a “crisis of faith,” but the movie shows few actual displays of faith other than the occasional prayer over what looks like a very nice Italian dinner. There are no big theological debates, such grumpy arguments about current events that would feel too obvious in the average feed on X.

Conclave is a “quality” film that you can watch on any level. But there are times where I had to check to make sure I wasn’t watching a Monty Python or Mel Brooks parody of the church. It either takes itself too seriously or not seriously enough. If you actually believe what it’s offering up, then I have some real-estate in Vatican City to sell you.

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