NOBLESVILLE (IN)
Indianapolis Star [Indianapolis, IN]
November 8, 2023
By Alexandria Burris
Rosalyn and Keith Carlson felt proud as pastors at their church preached about the importance of taking a strong stand to support sexual abuse survivors.
The message at Grace Church Noblesville called for swift action against abusers and healing aid for survivors. Senior pastor Dave Rodriguez acknowledged Grace had previously fired two male employees accused of abusing women.
“We listened to the women,” Rodriguez told the congregation in the 2018 sermon. “We had heartfelt conversations, but I’m also going to tell you that if I were to do it again today, there might be some things I would do differently to mitigate the pain that the women had to face.”
Associate pastor Amy Christie followed Rodriguez with a promise: “We will not blame you. We will not re-victimize you. We will not shut you down. We will not turn you away.”
The uplifting message in the midst of the #MeToo movement was among the most poignant moments the Carlsons had experienced at the large Hamilton County church where they have worshiped and served in leadership roles since 1997. The sermon projected a vision of a faith community they were proud to support with their time and gifts.
But five years later, they say church leaders haven’t lived up to their promises. It’s a conclusion the couple reached after witnessing the church’s response to two women who said they were groomed as teens, a decade earlier, by a volunteer youth worship leader who is now a pastor at Grace.
“The actual response, once it hit their doorsteps,” Rosalyn Carlson said, “has been disorienting.”
The women wanted the man removed from his pastoral role at Grace, but leaders decided to keep him.
Barry Rodriguez, who succeeded his father as the church’s lead pastor in 2020, said he believes the response was appropriate and true to the 2018 message.
“We’ve done everything in our power to do all the things from that sermon,” he said in an interview with IndyStar. “I think that sermon continues to accurately represent our heart for women, for victims of sexual abuse.”
How do churches handle clergy abuse claims?
The divisive situation that’s unfolded at Grace over the last 18 months is emblematic of the broader challenge religious institutions across the U.S. face, particularly when assessing credible abuse allegations involving pastors and other revered leaders.
How do you investigate the claims? Do you show grace and forgiveness for the perpetrator, or do you oust him in the name of justice and healing for the survivors? And how do you reach that decision? Is it enough to count on untrained lay members to support the women while deciding the man’s fate through prayer? Or do you immediately turn to outside experts to investigate and help create a survivor-centric atmosphere? And what happens if you get it wrong?
At Grace, leaders tried to find a solution that was equitable to the man and the women, but in the end missed that mark.
The controversy began with the church’s decision to investigate internally and with the help of its law firm. While Rodriguez defended the decision, the women and their supporters say the response appeared to be more focused on any legal liability the church faced and the man’s repentance. Supporters of the women said the approach ended up causing them to suffer even more trauma and pain.
The challenges Graced faced are not unique to the church, and some handle them better than others.
The Catholic Church’s cover up of abuse by priests has been widely reported. A report last year on sexual abuse in Southern Baptist Convention churches revealed leaders concealed abuse as far back as the 1960s. In both cases, the reckonings came after survivors — many cast aside long ago by their churches — refused to be silenced.
Not all examples blow up into national scandals, but each case can divide congregations, discredit leaders, and scar survivors.
In West Lafayette, for instance, a small congregation was rocked when a pastor was defrocked and elders were suspended after investigations found they failed to adequately protect children following allegations of sexual abuse between minors. Elders had allowed the pastor — who was related to the perpetrator — to influence and interfere with the church’s response.
Church revokes former West Lafayette pastor’s ordination following IndyStar probe
The mounting number of cases clergy abuse appears to be contributing to the erosion of public confidence in churches and their leaders.
While more than 70% of Americans say they still view Jesus Christ positively, fewer than half hold positive views of local churches and leaders, according to a poll released in May by Barna Group, which conducts research on cultural trends, values and beliefs.
The findings mesh with Pew Research Center data revealing three-quarters of American adults say religion is losing its influence in the U.S., an opinion shared by slightly more than half of those identifying as Christian. Among that group of Christians, 58% said misconduct by religious leaders was the primary reason for the decline.
Even when faith leaders have the best intentions, attempting to deal with clergy abuse allegations without expert help can devolve into a messy no-win situation, leaving them with a Solomon’s choice: cast out a friend and colleague or be seen as dismissive to victims.
The first woman to come forward told IndyStar she felt dismissed by the church’s response, which to her appeared to downplay the allegations and rally around the man.
“What he did was gross and wrong and so manipulative, and it was such an abuse of power, but I think this culture in churches doesn’t see it like that,” she told IndyStar. “There’s still all this oozing with patriarchal men in leadership.”
IndyStar is not naming the woman and is referring to her as Jane Doe per policy to not reveal the identity of individuals who report abuse unless they wish to be named.
Controversy started with email from a ‘Jane Doe’
The controversy at the large Noblesville church came up shortly after a video surfaced last year of a woman from northern Indiana confronting her pastor at the former New Life Christian Church & World Outreach for allegedly having sex with her as a teen.
The dramatic scene from the church in Warsaw — which showed many in the church congregation supportively surrounding the pastor in prayer — quickly went viral on social media.
Not long after that, Grace received an email. It was signed Jane Doe.
As a teen, the woman wrote, a 25-year-old volunteer worship leader who had a “rock star” status in the high school music ministry had groomed her into a secretive intimate relationship. The woman told IndyStar she finally decided to reveal the abuse, which occurred about 15 years ago, after seeing the video and the man promoted to a leadership role at Grace. She thought he shouldn’t be in a position of power.
A second woman came forward soon after, also accusing the man of grooming her as a teen when she was in high school although she said there was no sexual relationship.
IndyStar is not naming the man because he has not been charged with any crime. He declined an interview request made through the church.
The basic facts are not in dispute. The adult male volunteer had a sexual encounter with Jane when she was involved in the youth program. He also displayed “unwise and inappropriate boundaries,” Rodriguez said, by being alone with another female student in his home and sharing details of his drug use and sexual history.
Several more-nuanced points of contention remain. The biggest issue dividing the two sides centers on their respective views of the man’s actions — and whether they amounted to grooming.
Grooming, which is often subtle and hidden, is defined as “manipulative behaviors that the abuser uses to gain access to a potential victim, coerce them to agree to the abuse, and reduce the risk of being caught,” according to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization.
The women weren’t aware of it at the time, but now believe they were groomed by the man. The church says there’s no evidence of grooming involving the man’s interactions with the two teens or any others.
Pastor: Volunteer ‘crossed that line’
The original allegations, which indicated Jane was a minor at the time, prompted the church to contact the Indiana Department of Child Services after receiving her email. But social media messages found in the man’s account revealed she was 18. Regardless of their ages, Rodriguez said there was no excuse for the man’s actions. He violated the sanctity of his position.
Still, in meetings with church members and the interview with IndyStar, Rodriguez described the man’s relationship with Jane as consensual, saying the 25-year-old had a romantic interest in the high school girl. He compared the man’s involvement with the second girl, who was under 18 at the time, to a big brother’s interest in a younger sister, and said it wasn’t abuse because there was no sexual activity.
“It was wrong for a volunteer leader to have any kind of relationship, physical or otherwise, with a student,” Rodriquez said. “He crossed that line and he should not have.”
In at least 13 states, there are laws addressing adult church leaders who engage in a sexual relationship with a person over whom they are in a position of authority, regardless of age. But not in Indiana.
The asymmetrical power imbalance between religious leaders — paid or volunteer — makes mutual consent to a romantic or sexual relationship impossible, according to experts in abuse and trauma. The Clergy Sexual Misconduct Information & Resources, an online guide, identifies such encounters as clergy abuse and says they should not be mischaracterized as affairs, indiscretions or moral failings.
It is not uncommon, however, for the significance of that power imbalance to be dismissed, especially when both parties are adults and the potential harm is not recognized in state law.
Indiana lawmakers have been reluctant to expand the legal definition of consent to cover such incidents despite several high-profile cases demonstrating the need for more clear and stronger lines beyond age differences, said Todd Benkert, a Southern Baptist pastor who helped reform policies to curtail abuse for the Southern Baptist Convention.
“When you’re using that position of spiritual authority, or celebrity status, or whatever that imbalance is, that’s when abuse occurs,” said Benkert. “You’re exploiting or manipulating. You’re controlling. It’s actually predatory.”
Jane Doe’s story started in high school, led to bedroom
Jane Doe’s story started when she was a senior at a Hamilton County high school. When she was a member of Grace’s high school ministry, the volunteer worship leader befriended her and showered her with attention.
He sent her messages on Facebook and soon they exchanged telephone numbers. “That’s just kind of when we started texting or calling each other a lot,” she said.
In a private conversation, she said the man shared stories about his romantic experiences and sexual endeavors. Eventually, he invited Jane to his townhome. Once there, the volunteer lured her to his bedroom.
“It escalated from there,” she said, “and turned into a sexually physical relationship.”
Jane said she naïvely believed they were dating, even as the man repeatedly asked her to keep their interactions secret. She complied to protect him. But as graduation neared, Jane questioned him about their future.
“I asked him what’s this gonna be like because you’ve been saying you can’t be seen dating a high schooler,” she recalled.
She said he told her graduating wasn’t a ticket into a relationship with him. Jane felt embarrassed and stupid. Violated.
After that, their text messages slowed. She said his calls became less frequent, then he ghosted her altogether.
Still, she kept “their” secret, spending years internalizing the pain as she watched the man climb Grace’s leadership ranks.
Another teen also ended up in man’s bedroom
Megan Byers, like Jane Doe, also wound up in the volunteer’s bedroom. She agreed to allow IndyStar to publish her name.
While their interactions did not turn sexual, the man employed several of the same tactics he used to ingratiate himself with Jane. Her case also reveals the man’s interactions at that time caught the attention of other students and adults involved with the youth group, but no one intervened.
As with Jane, the relationship started innocently. She was a high school freshman in the youth group. The man knew her brothers. He even visited her at school. Over time, she said their conversations evolved from innocent jokes and discussions about music to more personal topics like relationships and boys.
“In private moments,” she said, “it kind of felt like you weren’t talking to a pastor.”
Byers said the man wrote about his sexual experiences in songs. At one point, she said, he even admitted using spiritual topics to get girls to open up and be vulnerable because he knew it would lead to making out and maybe more.
“He laughed about it,” she said. “He thought that it was a funny thing.”
The man eventually invited Byers to his home to practice music for worship. The teen ended up in his bedroom. Byers remembers feeling uncomfortable about his intentions. Nothing sexual happened, she said. They just talked for a while, then he drove her home.
“I don’t know why — like why I had to go to his house, why we went into the bedroom,” she said.
The man’s relationship with her didn’t go unnoticed. Some former youth group members told IndyStar they remember teenage girls fawning over the man. They also described him as flirty and touchy.
Micaela Shore, a former youth group member, told IndyStar she felt uncomfortable by what she witnessed between the man and Byers.
“I very specifically remember thinking that that seems like (the man) should be more careful because of the way that his body language, the way that he’s talking to her, the way that she’s responding to him like that,” she said. “I remember thinking at that time that that’s crossing a boundary or could very well lead to a boundary being crossed.”
Byers even wrote in her diary about being confronted by another adult leader who blamed her for flirtatious behavior, while ignoring the man’s role as far as she knew.
The hurt lingered for years, but she didn’t identify the man’s actions as grooming until she talked to Jane last year. Byers said it gave her a new perspective on what she experienced and confirmed she wasn’t the problem.
Grace Church Noblesville was ‘planted’ in 1991
Grace Church Noblesville sits near the intersection of East 146th Street and Hazel Dell Parkway. The nondenominational church opened in 1991 as a new congregation planted by Indianapolis-based Faith Missionary Church.
Dave Rodriguez, then a youth pastor at Faith, was tapped to lead the new church. His son, Barry, was eight years old at the time. The fast-growing church moved to its current location in 1999. The campus includes a food pantry, café and coffee shop, a thrift store, and a large auditorium for services.
Grace leadership took a divisive step in 2014 by ending the church’s prohibition on women holding pastoral roles, which caused some members to leave. But Rodriguez said Grace is neither liberal nor conservative. Instead, he said it seeks a third path — one that is biblical, Godly, full of justice and deeply caring of scripture.
“I think of us as kind of a middle way that doesn’t fall into the traps of the tribes that our culture keeps trying to pull us into,” Rodriguez said.
Delayed reports complicated church’s response
Sexual abuse allegations can be a minefield and controversial responses or missed opportunities are not exclusive to churches. In religious settings, however, leaders are often held to a higher standard. These are the people followers entrust to lead them on a daily faith journey and shepherd them to the promise of the afterlife.
The task at Grace was complicated by a unique set of facts and a spiritual imperative Rodriguez described as “protecting the vulnerable and the powerless while also offering grace to those who have atoned.”
Rodriguez said his first goal was to avoid common pitfalls that have harmed victims in other churches, such as blaming them and circling the wagons. But he also didn’t want to punish anyone “for their past mistakes with no path to forgiveness.”
“We took the allegations extremely seriously from the onset,” he said. “We believed the women’s account of the facts and we were completely transparent about the whole process with our members.”
The biggest stumbling block was the amount of time that had passed before the women came forward. In the interim the man continued working at the church, rising to a pastoral position, with no other hint of misconduct, according to Rodriguez.
If the church were a business, he said, it would have been easier to protect its reputation by firing the man. But in a Christian setting where forgiveness is a pillar, the pastor said the church was willing to take a hit if “it meant offering grace to someone who has accepted responsibility for their mistakes, apologized publicly and demonstrated tremendous life change.”
Initially, Grace attempted to handle the investigation in-house, directing Jane to speak with two women lay leaders. When one of them recognized Jane’s voice, the anonymity she desired was shattered. Her secret was now public.
After that, rather than engaging with an independent organization specializing in church abuse and trauma, Grace leaders turned to the law firm that represented the church on other legal matters to investigate the abuse allegations. It’s an approach that doesn’t always look transparent and has, in the past, been used to protect an institution’s reputation by keeping findings confidential due to attorney-client privilege.
Jane quickly grew suspicious that the church’s primary focus was damage control.
“I started doing my own investigation and reaching out to people to see if they experienced any of the things that I experienced from (the man) or witnessed something uncomfortable,” Jane said, adding she also hired an attorney but has not taken legal action against the church.
Byers was one of the people who responded to Jane. Working together, the pair contacted more than 50 people who were in or around the youth group with them. About a dozen, who acknowledged they had similar experiences or concerns about the man’s conduct at the time, told the women they were willing to talk to Grace’s attorney. Their names were on a list Jane gave to the church last October.
Rodriguez said the church’s attorney formally interviewed only two people from the list — Byers and another woman. He said that decision was based on a recommendation from Jane’s lawyer. Still, he defended the probe as thorough, saying church leaders also spoke informally with others who were around the youth group at the time.
IndyStar was able to contact five of the people on Jane’s list. Only one said she had been contacted by the church.
Rosalyn Carlson said leaders needed help with the investigation from someone other than the church’s attorney. Grace declined IndyStar’s request to share the final report from the attorney’s investigation. Carlson said the end result was little focus on the women’s trauma and healing, and no outside perspective on what really happened.
“They thought they could do it internally … Their only concern was, was anything illegal? That was the perspective, right? And we’re like, ‘Hello, this is a church!’ Our goal was not just to determine if something was illegal. We’re about caring for people.”
Watchdog: ‘People want to believe the best …’
The women may have expected too much when they turned to the church for support, said Amy Smith, founder of Watchkeep.org, a blog that exposes and tracks clergy sexual misconduct and abuse. She doesn’t blame them, though, for trying.
“People want to believe the best in an institution that they have entrusted their lives to, or that their parents did,” she said. “Unfortunately going to the church often leads to further victimization.”
Religious institutions too often fail to hold clergy and other spiritual leaders accountable for violating their spiritual authority, Smith said. Survivors are sometimes told what they experienced wasn’t how they perceived it, that it wasn’t abuse because they were old enough to consent, or willingly participated.
“It just blows my mind that decades after Spotlight, and the uncovering of everything the Catholic Church covered up, and then years now after the big expose on the Southern Baptist churches, which is my background, they still use the same playbook which is to minimize,” she said.
That type of response can retraumatize survivors. It’s called secondary or double abuse and comes from being interrogated, ostracized, or having their experiences minimized, according to The MEND Project, a Judeo-Christian organization that, among other things, trains faith-based organizations how to identify and respond to abuse.
Jane said the fallout for coming forward added to her pain.
“We grieve a lot,” Jane said, “because we’ve had to lose so many relationships with people who either don’t believe me or think that it wasn’t that bad, or they’re friends with me but they’re also friends with (the man).”
Smith said the church’s response, while appearing to be well-meaning and sincere, revealed many common examples of how faith groups can mishandle allegations and subsequent interaction with survivors.
First and foremost, churches shouldn’t investigate themselves, said Peter Singer, executive director of Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment. The Lynchburg, Va.- based nonprofit, which goes by GRACE, helps churches respond to abuse allegations from a Christian and trauma-informed perspective. He said he was speaking broadly and not specifically about Grace Church Noblesville.
An independent investigation protects the church. Singer said survivors and their supporters will be watching and any hint of impropriety or favoritism in an internal probe can skew the view of the investigation and church leaders. More broadly, negative perceptions can taint a church’s good work and leave survivors feeling like they’ve been abandoned by God.
Singer said understanding and investigating abuse claims requires expertise because it is a nuanced process and perpetrators don’t just groom individuals. They often groom communities, including church leaders and peers.
“While these tactics are used most often against younger kids,” the group notes, “teens and vulnerable adults are also at risk.”
In a statement to church members and in an interview with IndyStar, Rodriguez said the investigation found no evidence the man groomed the girls. “You’d have to be able to read the volunteer’s mind and know that was his intent,” the pastor told church members at a January membership town hall.
But experts say that’s a misguided understanding of grooming and shows the pitfalls of not getting outside help. Benkert, the Mishawaka pastor who helped the Southern Baptists, said the process is often subtle, occurs gradually and is typically cloaked in secrecy.
“Grooming is taking one more step toward the boundary and seeing how they respond, and taking another step, and taking another step,” he said. “All along the way you’re manipulating, you’re controlling, you’re exploiting a trust and trying to get the person to do what you want them to do.”
Church reacts quickly after controversy hit social media
By December, the allegations and slow-simmering controversy made it out of the church and onto social media. Some people began taking sides, while others shared misinformation.
The week before Christmas, Rodriguez informed Jane and Byers’ parents the investigation had concluded and the man would not be fired. The church followed up with an email to members, a copy of which IndyStar obtained. Rodriguez said the investigation confirmed the basic facts laid out by Jane but deemed the encounters as a “consensual” romantic relationship that ended poorly.
Rodriguez acknowledged the man broke church’s rules and called his encounters with Jane improper, but said he has shown “tremendous character growth, spiritual development and maturity” since that time.
The pastor’s email, which addressed online claims critical of the man, said he was apologetic, sincere and repenting. It also included a statement from the man apologizing for the pain he brought to the church. Neither the man nor Rodriguez made any reference to Byers.
The email wasn’t shared with Jane and Byers before it was distributed to the church members. They felt it portrayed the man as a sympathetic figure and revealed details Jane hoped to keep confidential about the nature of his physical intimacy with her.
The Carlsons were among church members who were concerned by the email. Like others at Grace, they still had questions. “My very first thought reading that email was where is the woman?” Rosalyn Carlson said, noting it focused on the church and the man, but the women’s stories were not included.
The Carlsons responded to the church’s leadership, asking about the depth of its investigation and how it handled the women’s pain.
“What if others come forward with relevant information and what will you do with that? Did making the decision and announcing it shut down the ability to listen to, care for, and help aid the healing process for the victim(s)?” Keith Carlson wrote in an email on behalf of the couple.
Rosalyn had re-watched the #MeToo sermon and the couple implored the governing board to do the same. Was this the Grace, they asked, that leaders said it would be?
In that email, Keith Carlson also asked the church to retain a firm specializing in trauma and “to help Grace Church grow and even make amends for any mistakes we might have unintentionally made in the process.”
As more came out on social media and more questions bubbled up, the church conducted two town hall meetings for the congregation in January. At the first meeting, Rodriguez explained the elders arrived at the decision not to punish the man after so many years had passed through a process of intensive prayer. The man would take a leave of absence, Rodriguez said, not as punishment but to focus on healing, restoration and making amends. The pastor also revealed the church would consult with the GRACE organization, the nonprofit that helps churches deal with sexual abuse allegations, to audit and update policies.
Jane and Byers weren’t invited to attend, so they crashed the meeting. After pushback from some in the audience when the women were told they wouldn’t be allowed to speak, church leaders adjourned the meeting briefly to discuss the request with the governing board. When they returned, the women were allowed to share their stories.
The second town hall meeting, which the women did not attend, focused on the man and the impact of the accusations on his family, according to a recording obtained by IndyStar. Leaders only answered questions submitted electronically beforehand.
At a third meeting in July — as IndyStar was conducting interviews — the man tearfully apologized to the church, but made no mention of atoning to the two women.
Disillusioned member: ‘Not the church I thought I was part of’
Nearly a year and a half after Grace received Jane’s email, the controversy continues to be a wedge between the women, the church and some members who’ve taken sides.
Rodriguez defends the church’s actions, but said the experience taught him two important lessons: it’s essential to not lose focus on the trauma and suffering of the survivors, and pastors and lay leaders can’t handle abuse allegations on their own.
“No matter what, go get some external help,” he said. “Talk to another organization.”
But he still stands by the decision to keep the man on staff. He said it’s not biblical to hold past mistakes against people forever.
“I hate the fact that, even in this circumstance, there are some who feel like we didn’t do everything we could have,” he said. “I believe we did, and I believe we did our best, but we’re imperfect.”
The Carlsons remain troubled by what they saw as the church’s dismissive and uninformed response to the allegation. Rosalyn said the disconnect was obvious from an elder’s 1950s perspective on abuse and the decision by church leaders to rely on prayer — rather than outsider expertise — to decide the fate of the man.
“They are so pathetically uninformed,” she said, adding Grace is “not the church I thought I was part of.”
The couple say they have stepped away from the church; not away from God. The break goes even further for Jane.
She doesn’t see herself attending any church ever again. She doesn’t believe Grace leaders took her seriously and cared more about the man, but she remains hopeful her effort will make a difference for other teens and women.
“Maybe something more positive will come from this,” she said. “Maybe more action and justice will come from this that’s not just impacting me and my family.”