UNITED STATES
New York Times
By MICHELLE STEVENS
APRIL 14, 2017
My heart is racing as he kisses my cheek. “Bye, Mom,” he says. Then he grabs his backpack and walks away. I want to snatch him back. I’ll settle for puking instead.
It’s the summer of 2015, and my baby is going off to camp. It’s 3,000 miles away. It’s his first time flying on a plane by himself. When he gets to the other side, a stranger will pick him up and drive him to the Poconos. To a cabin I’ve never seen. To sleep in some foreign, far-off bed.
Although he’s only 9, my boy fears none of this. On the contrary, he’s excited about the adventure. My son is unusually independent, which doesn’t surprise me.
I raised him to be like that.
It hasn’t been easy taking this approach to parenting. When I was 8, a sadistic pedophile decided to make me his victim. He terrorized me for the next six years and left me a nervous wreck for the rest of my life.
He was a teacher who molested dozens of his students over the course of two decades. Like the teachers at Choate Rosemary Hall who, we found out this week, sexually abused students for years without consequence, he was very skilled at choosing his prey. He wanted kids who were lacking in self-confidence, because kids like that don’t know they can say no. They’re also too afraid to tell anyone that they’re being molested.
Pedophiles are very good at conning parents. My abuser convinced my mother — and many other mothers — that he was a nice, trustworthy guy. Believing this, my broke, single mom eagerly accepted his offer to provide free child care. She thought it was safer to have me stay with him than for me to walk home from school alone.
Now that I have a kid, I’ve noticed that most parents think like this. They believe children are safe only when they are in the care of adults, in part because kids have to be protected from would-be pedophiles and abductors. But as a psychologist with an expertise in child abuse, I can tell you this theory is hogwash. It’s exceedingly rare for a child to be taken by a stranger, and in around 90 percent of sexual abuse cases, the perpetrator is someone the kid already knows.
Note: This is an Abuse Tracker excerpt. Click the title to view the full text of the original article. If the original article is no longer available, see our News Archive.