UNITED STATES
Baptist News
OPINION
KYNDALL RAE ROTHAUS | APRIL 4, 2016
Recently some colleagues of mine and I hosted a four-part series on Baylor University’s campus for survivors of sexual assault and their advocates. We created a space for lament, then silence, next anger, and finally hope. We acknowledged in each service that everyone’s pace of healing is unique, and that the stages of healing are never linear.
It was the first time many of us had ever experienced an intentional space crafted to address the anger we feel about these injustices and violations. It was one of the rare moments when religious leaders acknowledged publically in a liturgical context the cultural and institutional silence surrounding sexual violence.
The rarity of what we created strikes me as a sad failure of the church. When I think back over my long history as an active part of the church, I cannot remember a single instance when I heard a sermon on rape, aside from the ones I have preached myself.
It occurs to me that perhaps not all pastors realize that around one quarter of the women in their congregations have been (often silent) victims of sexual or interpersonal violence/abuse. Some of the men in their congregations have been victims too. Maybe the pastors who are aware of the horrifying statistics simply do not know what to do about it. I have compiled a list of concrete, easy things every pastor and/or church can (and ought) to do.
1. Every time (and I do mean every time) you preach or teach on marriage, divorce or relationships, always include a section where you acknowledge publically that some people do need to leave a relationship for their own safety or the safety of their children. I’m serious. Never talk about marriage or divorce again without that public caveat, even if it feels a little out of place. Maybe it is only one sentence in your whole sermon or Bible study lesson, but that one sentence could save someone’s life.
Do you know how many people stay in severely abusive situations because they’ve never heard their pastor say it was OK to leave? When you talk about forgiving your spouse, they might hear you saying that they have to keep being beat and accept it. Please, be clearer. If some other person in your congregation pushes back at you for saying divorce is an option, just take the heat and do not budge. It’s not your life that’s in danger. Let your words make someone else uncomfortable if it could save a life.
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