UNITED STATES
Washington Post
By Mary DeMuth
May 22
It’s never simply over.
Yesterday was hard for me. I opened my computer to the news of several instances of sexual abuse reported (within the church), including the claims about Josh Duggar’s gross indiscretions and his subsequent confession. And something in me sunk, particularly because of this statement by his parents: “Even though we would never choose to go through something so terrible, each one of our family members drew closer to God.”
While I’m grateful that this travesty produced fruit and closeness, as a victim of sexual abuse, I am skeptical. Though we may not know the details of recovery during these years, it’s easy to sweep something away by pointing to God in a statement.
But it’s not so simple to get over sexual violation. Recovery takes years of stops and starts, and forgiveness is not a one-time easy decision, particularly if it’s demanded or expected right away for the sake of peace and putting something shameful behind you.
Often we see in communities of faith that victims are admonished to be grace-like, offering instant forgiveness to their abuser as if it could be dolled out like a trinket or candy. And when someone is pressured to “be like Jesus” and forgive swiftly, often this pressure causes harm.
Sexual violation cuts deeply. It eats away at worth, esteem and personhood. I believe it is one of Satan’s greatest weapons against humanity, paving the road for future self-destructive behavior, suicidal thoughts, feelings of utter worthlessness, sexual dysfunction, guilt, shame and any manner of disorders. And moving beyond it is excruciating, long and sometimes debilitating.
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