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	It Takes a Village of Vigilant People to Help Prevent Child Sex Abuse By Susan Campbell Hartford Courant June 28, 2006 http://www.courant.com/features/lifestyle/hc-susan0628.art jun28,0,7072463.column?coll=hc-utility-features-life What do you say when a pastor rapes and impregnates an 11-year-old girl? You can say that it's horrible, sure. You can say that rape/sexual abuse/unwanted sexual attention robs a child of such precious commodities as trust, hope, a childhood. You can say that the family needs a good therapist. And I would add one more thing to the list: People knew. They may not have understood that they knew, but on some level they at least suspected something was very wrong. It doesn't matter how discreet sex abusers may try to be, they always leave bread crumbs leading to the ugly truth. In the case of the 11-year-old Hartford girl (now 12) who gave birth in May after what police say were assaults by her pastor, neighbors and church members now say they frequently saw the girl at the Broad Street storefront church. And they saw other girls coming and going after the church was closed. Police suspect the accused had other victims. Those people watching the girls come and go knew something wasn't right, but this was a pastor, and pastors don't do that kind of thing, do they? So the people said nothing, and a child ended up carrying a child to term. Only after the fact, after 52-year-old Modesto Reyes was arrested last week and, based on DNA evidence, charged with sexual assault did people start publicly putting the awful pieces together. Would that we learned to do this earlier, before a child's life is altered so horribly. Would that we trusted ourselves to know it when we see it, to name it, and to act. These cases are maddening for people who have lived through sexual abuse as children. My stepfather, too, left obvious clues to anyone who was paying attention, but fathers - step- or biological - don't do that kind of thing, do they? And so the clues were lost. We who've lived through it know what it's like to feel like we're marooned on an island and condemned to watch the happy boat traffic just ... Over ... There. We needed a lifeline, a knowing church member, a caring neighbor, an adult willing to stand and say, "This stops now." Did the little girl tell anyone? I worked up my nerve and told my fourth-grade teacher that my stepfather was hurting me. She told me to sit back down. This was before the days of mandated reporters, people required by law to report any suspicion of child abuse or neglect. Of course, I sat back down. But even mandated reporters can't protect everyone. In Connecticut, mandated reporters are mostly professionals - teachers, clergy, social workers and medical personnel. That means that in order for abuse to stop, the child must be plugged into some kind of social-service system, and then that abused child must trust a mandated reporter to even broach the subject. Not every child has a mandated reporter in her circle of trust, which puts the onus on the rest of us. We must be vigilant. No child should live with this. No child. Ever. If an adult seems to prefer the company of children over adults, beware. If an adult shows an inordinate amount of attention to a particular child, beware. If the favored child suddenly becomes secretive or exhibits a noticeable change in his or her behavior, beware. And if you in good faith suspect something, do the right thing. The Department of Children and Family has a child abuse and neglect hot line, in English y español. Do the right thing. 800-842-2288. E-mail: campbell@courant.com
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