Little Comfort in Face of Death
Family: Man Was Denied Last Rites

By Rita Ciolli
Long Island (NY) Newsday
July 17, 2003

After the whirring machines aggressively washed the leukemia cells from Charles Miller's blood and the chemotherapy started to drip into his arm in the Intensive Care Unit of Winthrop-University Hospital, he turned to a Catholic chaplain to address other needs.

The Rev. Cajetan Uchendu and the Garden City businessman began discussing the sacraments, a talk that turned to the scandal in the church over priests who molested children. At some point during the conversation on March 20, Miller became very upset and Uchendu left without administering the final sacraments, a comfort in the face of death deeply valued by Catholics.

Miller's family says the priest denied his request for confession, communion and the anointing of the sick, commonly called "last rites." Uchendu says it was Miller, who sang in the choir and taught religious education, who refused the sacraments because he "had lost his faith" over the scandal. Eventually, Miller received sacraments later that night by another priest, the Rev. Larry Behan. Miller died a little more than a day later.

Uchendu, 38, who had been cautioned before by hospital officials about his dogmatic, instead of more pastoral approach, was reprimanded by the Diocese of Rockville Centre and was refused another assignment. As a result, all local hospitals now can interview candidates for the position of chaplain instead of simply having the priest assigned by the diocese.

More than the immediate consequences, however, the debate in the Mineola hospital room also reveals the deep and powerful impact the current crisis in the church has had on the everyday lives of Catholics and the priests who minister to them.

Miller's wife, Mary, and daughter, Cheryl Bartges, still cry when they recall the afternoon they left his room for about 30 minutes so a nurse could bathe him. When they returned, they looked through the windows in the unit and saw Miller agitated and sobbing as he spoke with Uchendu. Entering the room, Uchendu asked for a few more minutes with the patient.

When they returned the second time, the priest was gone and Miller was no longer crying. Mary Miller asked her husband if he felt better after speaking to a priest. Miller, who owned a precision thermometer manufacturing business in Ridgewood, Queens, responded that Uchendu refused him an anointing.

Uchendu, a visiting Nigerian priest who had been a Winthrop chaplain since June 2002, said it was Miller's decision. "He is the one who refused. I told him to think about it and I would come back tomorrow," Uchendu said in a recent telephone interview.

Miller, who was supposed to be in the hospital for about five weeks of treatment for acute myelogenous leukemia, died on March 22, his 67th birthday.

"Certainly he died sooner than anyone anticipated," said Jane Mather, director of pastoral care at Winthrop. "Whether the stress was caused by the priest or the confrontation with the priest, I don't know." Mather said the Miller family's ordeal was tragic. "Lots of little pieces came together in a way that created a very unhappy situation for this family," she explained. However, she added, "There is more to this than a nasty priest who refused to hear a dying man's confession."

Miller did get consolation in his final hours after his eldest daughter, Deanne Emory, called St. Joseph's Church in Garden City, her parents' parish. After hearing her story, Behan drove in a downpour to Winthrop.

"He told me Father Cajetan had refused him the sacraments," Behan said in a telephone interview last week from his home in Ireland. "There was no doubt in my mind that the man was anything but sincere."

Behan and Uchendu said the confidential nature of the confessional prevented them from disclosing specific details. Mary Miller said her husband was so distraught about priests being involved in the sex abuse scandal, that "he may have had a problem forgiving them" in his confession. Despite Miller's anger, she said, "never for a minute did it affect his beliefs."

Both priests said they reported the incident to the diocese, as did the Rev. George Kelly, a Redemptorist priest in New Jersey and a cousin of Mary Miller. Kelly wrote to Bishop William Murphy expressing his dismay. In an April 14 response, Murphy apologized for the "unconscionable way Mr. Miller was treated ... I am ending the assignment of the priest in question and directing him to return to his home diocese. It is my conviction that no priest should serve in pastoral ministry if they show such a disregard for the feelings of patients and their families."

At first, the family was relieved to learn that Uchendu was removed; in May, however, Mary Miller learned he was still at Winthrop. Demanding an answer from Murphy, she waited at the Cemetery of the Holy Rood in Westbury where the bishop was celebrating Memorial Day Mass. She pressed a letter into his hands.

Writing to her 10 days later, Murphy said Uchendu couldn't be removed immediately because there were no other priests to take his place until his contract ended June 24. The bishop, however, said Uchendu would be under close supervision. The diocese and the hospital said there were no further complaints.

Uchendu, who spent three years at parishes in Manhasset and Manorhaven, complains that church officials didn't support him. "Priests are now easy targets," he said. "The church is under pressure it wouldn't otherwise have responded to before."

Uchendu said he is working in the area to finish his doctorate in clinical psychology. He said his goal is to return to his country. Joanne Novarro, a spokeswoman for the diocese, said Uchendu left his Mineola parish July 1 and now reports to the bishop of Aba, Nigeria.

Mather said that while some patients praised Uchendu, she felt that "hospital ministry is not something that came comfortably to him. Often, he wanted to make a teaching moment out of what I thought should be a pastoral moment," Mather said. "This was an ongoing concern. I wanted him to be more willing to bring comfort to a family and forget the rules."

[Photo caption: Mary Miller, left, holds a photo of her husband, Charles Miller, with her daughter, Cheryl Bartges. Photo by Thomas A. Ferrara.]