Area Parents Lament Dearth of Assistance

By Laura Sessions Stepp
Washington Post
November 3, 1991

[See also a letter to the editor responding to this article.]

Families can no longer count on schools, churches and government to provide support and moral leadership, and many families are breaking under the strain of going it alone, parents said during a conference yesterday sponsored by the Archdiocese of Washington.

More than 100 parents from Maryland and the District vented their frustrations. They talked of mothers wanting to stay home with their young children but working to keep them fed. They spoke about the growing number of families on welfare in Washington, the high number of homeless families in Montgomery County, and teenagers drinking in public and Catholic high schools.

The conference was called by Cardinal James A. Hickey, Roman Catholic archbishop of the diocese, which covers the District and Maryland suburbs. Hickey has asked church leaders between now and next May to determine the most urgent needs of families and what churches can do to meet those needs.

At yesterday's meeting at St. Margaret's Catholic Church in Seat Pleasant, a D.C. group expressed concerns about substance abuse, a shortage of housing, inadequate health care and dangerous schoolyards.

Vincent Gray, director of the D.C. Department of Human Services, surprised the group by agreeing that government is failing to take care of families. Gray, who assumed his job this year, was highly critical of the programs he administers.

The city suffers from "a morass of programs and policies that conflict with each other," he said "We're suffering from 20 years of deterioration. If you're in a dysfunctional family, you'll get help. If you're at risk, you won't."

"I thought I had an idea when I came here of how bad things were. Let me tell you, I didn't."

Gray pointed to poverty as the underlying cause for many of the problems being discussed, adding that welfare rolls are increasing.

He urged church members to lobby for laws and money for preventive services, and to drum up support within neighborhoods for government-run homes and other social programs.

High on the Montgomery County group's list of problems was drinking among teenagers. When both parents work, no one is home to watch what the child does, said Jake Powderly, a priest and substance abuse officer for the archdiocese.

"What kids do is water down your booze," Powderly said. Powderly said he is worried by the number of suburban parents who tell him, "Well, at least my child isn't on drugs."

Powderly continued: "I had one mother tell me, 'I let my son drink because I don't want the other kids to think he's a nerd.' And other parents don't think drinking goes on in Catholic schools. Well Good Counsel [High School] is the drinking capital of Montgomery County!"

Participants at yesterday's session appeared to hold little hope that government agencies will spend more money on families any time soon. "Budgets are not going to increase; we're going to have to start caring for each other," said discussion leader Anne Lanctot.

Churches are the place to start, Lanctot and others said. Parishes can run regular parent-skills groups. Parishioners can lobby their governments to shift funding priorities toward the family. Amanda Laudwein, a Montgomery mother, said she would like to see several churches combine resources to build a church community center. "In the suburbs, there's no place for kids to go," she said. "I don't want my kids to hang out at the mall."

But for any of those changes to take place, several said, priests and church officials are going to have to familiarize themselves with modern family configurations and modern needs. Too many pastors still think the family means Dad at work, Mom at home and two happy, healthy children. "The church has been slow to recognize family needs," one mother said.