If You Have Been Abused

The Catholic Report
August 28, 2015

http://www.thecatholicreport.com/

Please allow me to say I know how this hurts but there is a path to healing and moving forward. When you are ready to tell someone, we are here for you. It helps to tell someone, I know it is scary, you are at your all time low, your trust factor it at the lowest point, but when you do you, you will feel better about yourself. This will lead to control, which leads to moving to a better way of life.

Once you are on the path to talking to someone , you will want your life back and you will have to make decisions. These are the steps I took and found to be of value.

• Telling Someone: This is a is tough one to figure out. What I did was start small. Start with your closest friends and family. Now the next step is talking with the police. In the past some police forces were reluctant to file a report. In fact, in my case it took multiple times for the police to file a report. That is not the case anymore. I do recommend that someone be there with you as this will be a big challenge, but it is necessary. The last thing you want is for another child to go through what you went through, file the report. The police will take it from there and inform all concerned parties. The next person who needs to know is a lawyer. You will need to understand what your rights are. If you do decide to move forward with legal proceedings, you need to have someone who's job it is to protect you. If you are worried about information being revealed you are protected by attorney client privileges and they are bound by law to keep everything confidential. On a side note, for me it was educational, illuminating and empowering. While the last paragraph was a few sentences it is hard to do but rewarding.
• Counseling: The next step most likely is getting help. My suggestion is talk with a number of professionals and find the one you like and is in sync with you. You will need to find the right fit, apmasphere, and thought process for you. I met several different professionals some I liked and some I didn't. The ones I did like helped out to varying degrees and I still use some of the tools today.
• Religion: I recommend avoiding church. This is not a time for that. The pressure of filtering out the betrayals and listening to a priest will only make you angry. The hypocrisy is too much. What I recommend is make this your spiritual journey and exploration of you. Meditate, relax, do yoga, exercise it gives you a calm spot in the eye of the storm.
• Litigation: Depending on where you live and the time of the abuse you may have the option to litigate. Having gone through this process and winning, I can say this....I recommend it. This will accomplish many things, putting criminals on trial, exposing the cover ups, and taking charge of the situation. Listen to who you respect but don't let others persuade you, you are the one who needs to make this decision. While it seems a herculean task it is relatively easy. You will have to recount the abuse but the more you talk about it the more the sting of it goes away. You are going to live your life and this didn't interfere with mine while I was in litigation. I can say this it helped change many things and more victims came forward which felt good.
• The Ups and Downs: There are a lot of them and they will always be there, it is what you do with them that makes the difference. There will be times when you are so full of anger it is hard to control. The anger will come out of no where or something, a memory, place, song, or some benign thing will bring it to the surface. Let the anger go, I know its not easy and it takes a lifetime to master, but try. Getting discouraged, wow what to say, just remember keep moving forward. The ups are not as common in the initial stages of coming forward but they will be more then less as time goes by and you get back on track.

These are starting blocks that have worked for me and remember this we are here for you.