So, Can We Discuss That ‘apology’ from the Village Church? Because It Really Missed the Point.

Matthew Paul Turner
May 29, 2015

http://matthewpaulturner.com/2015/05/29/so-can-we-discuss-that-apology-from-the-village-church-because-it-really-missed-the-point/

Yesterday’s statement from TVC was a mouthful, a carefully written, meticulously worded, and likely meticulously reworded mouthful. (Read it here.)

It was kind. Or maybe it was just nice. Either way, its tone wasn’t terrible. That much I’ll give them. But honestly, most of their communication toward Karen was presented with what can be perceived as kindness.

And I’ll give them this, too: it seemed to be humbly expressed.

But humbly expressed what is still what; it just requires one to actually ask what, process the what, and then ask again what.

So, now that I’ve lived with the response for several hours, I must ask: WHAT?!

I mean, first of all: WHAT were the reasons for offering an apology?

Sure, they offered a humbly presented apology to Karen, but they actually don’t apologize for anything that has, for the last 5 months, been a thorn in Karen’s side.

Rather than apologizing for acting like jackasses, they apologized for not presenting their jackassery with greater clarity.

Rather than apologizing for treating a victim whose life was just turned upside down with dignity and equality, they apologized for not offering a clearer perspective regarding what they deem acceptable and unacceptable divorce. How many times must one tell the elders at TVC that Karen wasn’t getting a divorce. She was getting an annulment. There’s a difference. A big difference.

Rather than apologizing for spiritually and emotionally harassing her for the last 5 months, they apologized for not “leading her toward repentance”! What the hell? I mean, seriously friends, what on earth does Karen have to apologize about? For not wanting to be married to a man who is sexually attracted to 4-year-old girls? For not falling in line and following their advice?

DING. DING. DING.

That’s why TVC believes she should repent. Because she didn’t follow protocol. Because she dared to challenge TVC’s male-led religious establishment. Because she was strong. Because she stood her ground. Because she didn’t submit.

And they blame themselves for all of that, because they didn’t “lead her” correctly.

What?

That’s not why you should be sorry, TVC. Karen didn’t need you to apologize for any of those things.

People in your church might have. Your friends in high positions might have liked hearing that. But Karen, the reason why you issued that statement–she didn’t need to hear any of it.

Since there seems to be some confusion as to what you did wrong here, let me offer a few reasons as to why you SHOULD apologize to Karen.

You need to apologize for harboring, protecting Jordan and making Karen feel like the perpetrator.

You need to apologize for all of the misogynistic language that you used in your Jesusy-sweet communication to Karen.

You need to apologize for acting like jerks regarding Karen’s desire to seek an annulment. Those are my words. Not hers.

You need to apologize for silencing Karen’s story and for turning her into the enemy because she believed the church needed to know the full scope of Jordan’s confession…

You need to apologize for even thinking about putting her through that godawful church discipline process.

You need to apologize for all that b.s. you proclaimed about Karen in the “membership update” on May 23… I mean, seriously, you defamed her in front of your 6000+ members… and you didn’t apologize for that…

She didn’t need you to be better leaders.

She didn’t need you to clarify your theology.

She didn’t need you to be more prepared.

She didn’t need you to express a pseudo apology using the anonymous pronouns “we” and “them”….

The truth is, she didn’t need you.

Which was the problem from the beginning. Her non need of you scraped against your spiritual maleness.

And yet, the more you tried to force her submit to your authority, the more you made her excruciating circumstance more excruciating.

But then again, that apology really wasn’t an apology to Karen was it, TVC? It was a public relations move to calm down the members of your church, right? Am I close? Just a little too close…

Again, kudos to TVC for being kind and seemingly humble.

But you put a good woman who really loves God and trusted you guys through hell. I mean, seriously, think about it… Karen was evangelizing Jesus in East Asia, all alone without family and good friends when she found out her husband and fellow missionary was a pedophile…

And what did you do? You put her through hell. She’d already been there. But you made her ride the hell coaster one more time…

And you didn’t apologize for that… You didn’t apologize for that.

And so, sure, your statement was kind/nice and perhaps humble. But it completely missed the point.

But you knew that already.

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