Ask Amy: A man at church keeps touching me

By Amy Dickinson
Mercury News
April 13, 2015

http://www.mercurynews.com/bay-area-living/ci_27864471/ask-amy-teen-too-close-comfort

DEAR AMY: I am 15, and there is a man at my church who makes me feel harassed. At a concert, he started to give me a shoulder massage. My dad was there and saw it, but he didn't do anything. This man is 30 years my senior and just went through a divorce.

Lately he's making any excuse to give me a hug or touch me.

He is a doctor and is respected. I'm almost afraid to tell my dad because he wouldn't believe me.

How can I either avoid this man or confront him?

Troubled Teen

DEAR TROUBLED: You're smart to pay attention to your gut. Do not be in the same room with this man if he makes you uncomfortable.

That means if he comes into a room, you leave it. Always have a pal with you, or make sure you're part of a big group. If he attempts to touch or hug you, no matter where you are, tell him, "I don't like that." Be very, very clear.

Tell your dad about this. He needs to be educated about sexual harassment, and he needs to know how you feel.

Everyone might tell you that this is nothing to worry about. However, I would stress that you should pay attention to your instincts -- over anyone else's, including your dad's. (March 2007)

DEAR AMY: I have been married to my wife for four years. We have a wonderful 10-month-old daughter. I love my wife, and I think she loves me, too. However, she is hot-tempered, and when she is arguing she gets so agitated that she doesn't care how her words and actions hurt me.

While she calms down within a few hours, some of the things that she has done have left a permanent scar.

Two weeks ago, during a fit of rage, she told me that she would call 911 and say that I was abusing her. She proceeded to dial 911. Luckily, she came to her senses and hung up. However, this is the second time. I feel that her behavior crossed the line.

Is this something I should continue to ignore?

A Concerned Husband

DEAR CONCERNED: Not only should you be concerned, you should be alarmed. If your wife is capable of threatening and abusing you in this way, I shudder to think what she might do when your daughter reaches the toddler stage and starts to trigger her temper.

You need to take steps to interrupt this cycle of abusive behavior. You should do whatever is necessary to force your wife into counseling and also to protect your daughter. I suggest seeing a lawyer to get advice on how to document this behavior and perhaps remove your daughter from the home.

Your wife is ruthlessly willing to accuse you of abuse to punish you. I don't think you realize what a world of hurt that accusation will visit upon you if she follows through. (June 2005)