There’s this Catholic Cardinal — Raymond Cardinal Burke — and he is the worst! New Pope demoted him already, because Burke is a super-dick, but New Pope forgot to tell him to STFU and go die in a fire. How is Burke delighting us with his words today? Well, he interviews with “The New Emangelization” (not kidding) about how “radical feminists” murdered the Catholic Church. Because of course he fucking did. For his next trick, he will probably cover up some child molestations and excommunicate the entire Democratic Party. Oh wait, he already did.

So which shit, of the holy variety, is bubbling from Raymond Cardinal Burke’s flaccid lips today? Let us blockquote them for you, because we’re not afraid to be servicey!

Radical Feminism ‘Assaulted’ the Church

[T]he radical feminism which has assaulted the Church and society since the 1960s has left men very marginalized.

Unfortunately, the radical feminist movement strongly influenced the Church, leading the Church to constantly address women’s issues at the expense of addressing critical issues important to men; the importance of the father, whether in the union of marriage or not; the importance of a father to children; the importance of fatherhood for priests; the critical impact of a manly character; the emphasis on the particular gifts that God gives to men for the good of the whole society.

We may have seen some radical guitar masses in the 1970s. Radical feminists at Mass, assaulting the Church until it forgot to include “critical issues important to men”? Not so much! And WTF is the “importance of fatherhood for priests”? We thought that was one of those things priests are not actually supposed to do, or it will lead to them becoming hot and sexy DEFROCKED priests? And why are the radical feminists making priests wear frocks anyway?

Men Were Obscured, By Working Moms We Think?

The goodness and importance of men became very obscured, and for all practical purposes, were not emphasized at all. This is despite the fact that it was a long tradition in the Church, especially through the devotion of St. Joseph, to stress the manly character of the man who sacrifices his life for the sake of the home, who prepares with chivalry to defend his wife and his children and who works to provide the livelihood for the family. So much of this tradition of heralding the heroic nature of manhood has been lost in the Church today.

Yeah, there are definitely no groups for men and dads in the Church any more, because the radical feminists outlawed it. Which is why we had no Knights of Columbus at St. Paschal Baylon — but we did have a bishop doing gay priest sex and confirming your editrix! — because the feminists had chopped off all of their heads.

Feminism Scared All Those Sad Scared Men Away From Marrying Those Bitch Feminists

I recall in the mid-1970’s, young men telling me that they were, in a certain way, frightened by marriage because of the radicalizing and self-focused attitudes of women that were emerging at that time. These young men were concerned that entering a marriage would simply not work because of a constant and insistent demanding of rights for women. These divisions between women and men have gotten worse since then.

LOL go fuck yourself.

Your CCD Sucked Because It Didn’t Teach Shooting Or Something

The crisis between man and woman has been made much worse by a complete collapse of catechesis in the Church. Young men grew up without proper instruction with regard to their faith and to the knowledge of their vocation. Young men were not being taught that they are made in the image of God – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. These young men were not taught to know all those virtues that are necessary in order to be a man and to fulfill the particular gifts of being male.

Yeah, I don’t even know what that means actually. Men are made in God’s image, sure … are we all not? Probably no.

Families Should Eat Together, Okay, Fine

The culture has become very materialistic and consumer-focused, the pursuit of which has led father, and often the mother, to work long hours. The consumer mentality has also led to the idea that children’s lives had to be filled with activity: school, sports and music and all kinds of activities every night of the week.

Raymond Cardinal Burke doesn’t even blame this one on “career gals,” so that’s something.

You Know Whose Fault It Is Men Aren’t Volunteering At Church? Hint: “Not Men”

The Church becomes very feminized. Women are wonderful, of course. They respond very naturally to the invitation to be active in the Church. Apart from the priest, the sanctuary has become full of women. The activities in the parish and even the liturgy have been influenced by women and have become so feminine in many places that men do not want to get involved.

Men are often reluctant to become active in the Church. The feminized environment and the lack of the Church’s effort to engage men has led many men to simply opt out.

Damn those women, doing all the work of the Church for free, being all the help and such, and forcing men not to participate because women got their vaginas on everything.

Also Girls Have Cooties On The Real

The introduction of girl servers also led many boys to abandon altar service. Young boys don’t want to do things with girls. It’s just natural. The girls were also very good at altar service. So many boys drifted away over time. I want to emphasize that the practice of having exclusively boys as altar servers has nothing to do with inequality of women in the Church.

Not letting girls be altar servers has nothing to do with the inequality of women in the Church, because Raymond Cardinal Burke SAYS SO. This guy is a cardinal of the Catholic Church, and Pope Ratzi appointed him head of the Vatican Court. We are just saying.

Also Altar Girls Are Why There Are No Priests Anymore

I think that this has contributed to a loss of priestly vocations. It requires a certain manly discipline to serve as an altar boy in service at the side of priest, and most priests have their first deep experiences of the liturgy as altar boys. If we are not training young men as altar boys, giving them an experience of serving God in the liturgy, we should not be surprised that vocations have fallen dramatically.

Definitely not because so many priests were gay men trying to subsume their desires in a life serving God, and now get to just be “people,” but because of altar girls. Of course.