For Some Rape Survivors, "Handle with Care" Doesn't Help Healing

By Sandy Banks
Los Angeles Times
September 27, 2014

http://www.latimes.com/local/la-me-0927-banks-rape-survivor-2-20140927-column.html

Jane Piper takes a seat in the witness stand while Judge Elden Fox presides over the sentencing of the man convicted of raping her in 1995. Piper pushed herself to go public with her experience from the beginning. (Mark Boster / Los Angeles Times)

en Jane Piper was raped by a stranger in a Brentwood parking lot, she grabbed the corkscrew he used as a weapon and tried to fight him off. The man beat her so badly her hair was matted with blood. She managed to escape through a car window as the rapist drove off.

Police were called, an ambulance came and Piper was delivered to a hospital where rape counselors, trained to deal gently with victims, tried to comfort her.

Instead, their textbook reassurance grated on her raw nerves.

They think because you had this horrible thing happen, they have to whisper, tiptoe around it, treat you like a child. ... I didn't need it. I felt patronized.

"The whole mentality back then was 'Don't worry, you don't have to tell anyone.'"

Back then was 2003, but not much has changed since. Protecting the privacy of rape survivors is still considered a priority — a way to shield vulnerable women from painful scrutiny.

But Piper didn't want secrecy. And she didn't need absolution. "They must have said to me 15 times, 'You have nothing to be ashamed of. You didn't do anything wrong.' I wanted to say to them, 'You don't have to tell me that.'

"The whole shame thing always drives me crazy," Piper said. "I was raped in a parking lot in broad daylight. What would I have to be ashamed about?"

The shame thing has always shrouded sexual assaults, hobbling recovery for survivors and complicating our response. Studies show that more than half of all rape victims never report their attacks; they feel guilty, embarrassed, afraid, worried about what people might think.

Piper is part of a small but growing cadre of survivors who insist on going public.

She made her stand on Tuesday, when she challenged her rapist in court, after he pleaded guilty and before he was sentenced to 20 years in prison.

She wanted to know why he did it. He claimed not to remember. Still, the meeting — before news reporters and TV cameras — seemed to somehow lighten the weight of a burden she'd carried for 11 years.

I chatted with Piper on Thursday at a Studio City coffee shop. She's being hailed as courageous, but doesn't want to be seen as a rape-victim poster child.