Sam Keating, who took his own life last month at the age of 25, hid a dark secret for nearly 20 years. It was a secret we thought Sam was starting to come to terms with.
Sam was not a celebrity or a leader in his field, but he was an extraordinarily well-loved young man, an achievement more special than fame. He grew up in the coastal town of Ocean Grove with his parents and an older brother and two sisters. It was a close, loving family. The family home - on a hectare of garden - was a playground paradise. A beautiful child with whitish blond hair, Sam had a smile that endeared him to all.
His early years at the local Catholic primary school were ostensibly very happy although an incident occurred that would continue to haunt him; an incident that we now believe cost him his life.
Sam was involved in numerous sports and activities, including little athletics, football, nippers and basketball. As a teenager, while not an outstanding athlete he won an under-16 best and fairest award at the Barwon Heads footy club and a surf lifesaving nippers club championship. He was noted for his determination and ferocity, particularly at football. He also took acting classes during his secondary school years, an activity he loved.
In year 10, he participated in an international exchange program and spent a semester attending school in Atlanta, Georgia. Throughout his life he accumulated an extensive network of friends from all backgrounds. He befriended people easily and retained friendships. When he was 17 he met the love of his life, Hannah.
School work came easily to Sam, even though he had an aversion to study. Although he was very social and popular, Sam began to express feelings that he "didn't fit in". And during his year 12 exams Sam suffered an anxiety attack. It became apparent and was soon medically confirmed that Sam was suffering from depression and as well as periodic anxiety and panic attacks.
Although we arranged counselling Sam was reluctant to embrace treatment, due to the great pain of confronting the core issue behind his depression. For a number of years few people knew of his struggle with depression, primarily because of the stigma of mental illness, although in recent times Sam had begun to tell close friends of his affliction. Nevertheless, his death was inexplicable to the majority of Sam's friends, who knew him as a bright, gregarious and funny young man.
With encouragement from his counsellors, Sam was advised to share his dark secret, initially with us. Just over a year ago, Sam disclosed that he had been sexually abused by a locum priest when at primary school. The priest, in the vein of all paedophile cowards, ordered Sam not to tell his parents or the school under fear of rejection by us and expulsion from his school. Sam carried those demons alone for almost 20 years.
It was only in June this year when on a family holiday in Fiji that Sam told his three siblings of the abuse. It was an experience no child should have to endure. Sam said his memories of the abuse would consume his consciousness with uncontrollable thoughts, helplessness and enduring pain.
Sam took his life to rid himself of the pain. We also believe he saw himself as a burden, which he obviously was not, and was motivated by a desire to rid his loved ones of this burden.
Sam had been many things: a university student (twice), a pamphlet deliverer, a door-to-door salesman, a tele-marketer, a bottle-shop attendant, a timber truss worker, a plumbing supplies driver, a plumbing apprentice and finally over the last year, a youth worker with McKillop Family Services working in a refugee assistance program - a job he excelled at.
Most importantly, he was a loving and much loved son, boyfriend, brother, uncle and friend.
Sam was a beautiful young man whose life was taken not by suicide but by depression, a disease inflicted on him by a paedophile priest. In a recent article by Wendy Squires, she spoke of someone she had known who "was a casualty of sexual assault at the hands of the clergy, raped of dignity, innocence, trust and hope". Wendy could have been talking of Sam. Her words that "the heartache does not end with the direct victim" were particularly poignant.
Some 800 people packed the Barwon Heads Football Club rooms to farewell Sam at a moving (non-religious) service held on the bleakest day of the winter. He is survived by his parents Robyn and Danny, his long-time girlfriend Hannah, his brother Shaun, his sisters Hayley and Edwina, his nephew Max and his niece Maeve.
