Priest's Email Confession to Two-year Secret Affair That Ended in Mother's Fatal Overdose
By Louise Eccles
Ten years on, Father Cooper now admits that Miss Lardner, who suffered from depression and anxiety, called him on the day she died to say she had taken some pills and ask for forgiveness. But he says that at her insistence he did not phone an ambulance, despite realising she was in a ‘deep depression’. By the time an ambulance was called by her long-term partner several hours later, it was too late. She died in hospital the same day, aged 41. An inquest found she had swallowed a fatal quantity of her partner’s blood pressure tablets. Incredibly, Father Cooper presided over her funeral the following week, with her family and friends oblivious to the affair or her desperate phone call. The priest – who was last night removed from his parish duties while the Catholic Church investigates – has now admitted that their affair, which lasted two years, may have contributed to her death. In one email to her son, in which he calls Miss Lardner ‘mum’, he writes: ‘I have betrayed my ordination vows and I know I must face the consequences of this and the part I played in mum’s depression along with many other pressures and disappointments in her life, that led to her death. ‘It is ten years late but I am truly sorry that she is not with you now and a grandma to your children.’ Father Cooper, now 58, made the confession after being confronted by Miss Lardner’s son Matthew Higginson, 27, who demanded answers about her suspected suicide on January 27, 2004. Mr Higginson said he blamed Father Cooper for ‘using’ his mother and abusing his position after she turned to him for help because she was struggling with depression and her relationship with her partner John Higginson, a long-distance lorry driver and recovering alcoholic.
He accused the priest, who was working at St Richard’s RC Church in Atherton, Greater Manchester, of giving him ‘special treatment’ when he was an altar boy to get close to his mother. ‘He used my mum for sex when she was vulnerable and then she couldn’t cope when he dropped her,’ he said. ‘He thought he had got away with it after she died. ‘I even confided in him about my mum’s death afterwards because he was my priest. He was there for my first Holy Communion and my confirmation. He was a family friend. I trusted him.’ After her death Mr Higginson and his sister Samantha, 30, found their mother’s diaries, in which she wrote about her anguish over her affair with ‘SC’, whom she suspected was also seeing another parishioner. In February 2003, 11 months before her death, she wrote: ‘Maybe he is using me, but maybe he genuinely loves me and won’t express himself – just like me – have to let go – please. ‘God give me the strength because there can be no future – not yet anyway.’ In earlier entries, suspecting him of seeing another woman, she said she felt ‘used and abused’ and ‘like a prostitute’. She said he ‘uses his position on vulnerable people’. Eleven months after Miss Lardner died, her partner John passed away from pneumonia. It was at his funeral that Mr Higginson first heard about their affair, when an aunt asked if it was appropriate for Father Cooper to conduct the service. ‘I was only 18 and I was so angry. I stormed round to his house. He sat in his armchair with his arms folded. I asked him, “Did you have a sexual relationship with my mother?”, and he just said, “Yes, what about it?” ‘I said I was going to report him to the church and he said, “I told them and they have forgiven me”. He was so arrogant. I shouted and swore until my aunt dragged me out.’ Grieving for his parents, Mr Higginson did not report Father Cooper to the diocese until ten years later when he felt ‘strong enough’ to do so. This January he emailed Father Cooper, copying in Vincent Malone, the retired Auxiliary Bishop of Liverpool, outlining his accusations. He received a reply from Father Cooper a few days later. In a confession which begins ‘Hi Matthew!’, he said he became close to Miss Lardner in 1998 and ‘she often rang when things were troubling her, mainly arguments within the family’. They had their first ‘sexual encounter’ in 2002, he said. ‘After, I was upset that we crossed this line but she said that she didn’t want to take me away from the parish or priesthood and that she was happy. ‘We agreed that she would take the lead. We had sex around 4/5 times in three months before she felt that it was too stressful. However, she said that she wanted to ring me as this was helpful to her.’ The relationship was platonic until autumn 2003, he said, when it became sexual again. However, on New Year’s Eve – four weeks before her death – they had a row when she visited the rectory while he was ill. He said: ‘I was rude to her and we ended up having an argument because she wanted to stay the night and I didn’t want her to! The next day I went to apologise but she wouldn’t listen.’ He said he later received a letter in which ‘she insisted that she did not want to speak to me and that she wanted to start a new life’. The next time they spoke was seemingly on the day of her death, when she called him in a distressed state. ‘I begged her to let me call the hospital or the doctor because she was so depressed I felt she needed help,’ Father Cooper wrote. ‘She asked me not to ring the hospital because she would lose her job if they admitted her into the psychiatric section. I begged her to seek medical help. She said she would if she wasn’t feeling better soon. It was then she told me about the pills. ‘If I had thought that she had overdosed I would not have hesitated in ringing the hospital. I honestly thought her illness was depression and not anything sinister.’ Mr Higginson queried why Father Cooper did not call a member of the family, and asked if he feared it would expose the affair. The priest, now at St Joseph’s RC Church in nearby Leigh, wrote: ‘I was not callous or frightened of what would happen. I knew that our affair would come out. I was trying to do what your mum wanted me to do so as not to cause her more anxiety.’ Last month Mr Higginson showed the emails to Deacon Des Bill, a safeguarding officer in the Archdiocese of Liverpool. According to minutes of the meeting, Rev Bill asked him if he wished to report it but explained that ‘punishment’ could range from dismissal to simply ‘a warning, a wrist slapping’. Mr Higginson, who lives with his partner Donna and their two children, said: ‘I thought that as soon as I told the church what Father Cooper had admitted, he would be suspended until they investigated, but they just kept offering me a choice of reporting him or meeting with him. I felt like they wanted to brush it under the carpet.’ A coroner gave an open verdict on Miss Lardner because she left no suicide note. Her son believes the overdose was a cry for help. He added: ‘Father Cooper took a vow of celibacy and broke that. Then he sat by and did nothing when mum was dying. I don’t hold him responsible for her death, but he played a part and he should be held accountable.’ Father Cooper declined to comment yesterday. A spokesman for the Archdiocese of Liverpool said it had not suspended him sooner because it was waiting until it had gathered more information and arranged for the two men to meet. He added: ‘We have been working with Mr Higginson to address the situation and ensure that appropriate action is taken.’ A decade on, how he finally told truth to grieving son This is a condensed version of the confession emailed to Kathleen Lardner’s son Matthew Higginson by Father Stephen Cooper. Hi Matthew! I am glad that the Diocese has finally made formal contact with you and that at last you will be given a chance to ask the questions you wish. It is right that the diocese and particularly I follow your process in all of this, I am happy to meet you at anytime should you wish. I met your mum and you first at your grandma’s house when I was taking Communion to her on Friday shortly after arriving at the parish. Every now and again I would meet her there but we didn’t speak much.
The catalyst for our relationship was the hospital [Miss Lardner was a nurse]. At St Richard’s [his church] I was an emergency chaplain to the hospital every ten weeks or so to cover days off for the Chaplain and holiday cover. One night she rang me in the early hours because a family had asked for the priest and they had tried to contact him on several occasions but the on-call priest hadn’t turned up and the patient was now close to death. The family were upset and so she said she would ring her parish priest to see if I would come. I came and the family were very thankful to her, she arrived with a box of chocolates for me at St Richard’s. Until then she had always been reserved and I think that broke the ice. After that she was always friendly and warm. She often rang when things were troubling her, mainly arguments within the family. I think this was 1998-2002. By then of course I had taken on Sacred Heart and pressures were building which I began to share with her. I am not sure of dates and timelines although I have tried to remember them. A parishioner told me that she met mum and she was angry with me because I had blanked her in the street. I was upset with myself and went to see her and apologised, she said she would call me and we would meet to talk it over, this led to our first sexual encounter. After I was upset that we crossed this line but she said that she didn’t want to take me away from the parish or priesthood and that she was happy. We agreed that she would take the lead. We had sex around 4/5 times in three months before she felt that it was too stressful. However, she said that she wanted to ring me as this was helpful to her. The relationship was platonic for a long time. I’m not sure when we started a second time to have sex but I think it was in late autumn of 2003 after confiding with her about dad who was suffering with Alzheimer’s, something she knew about. 'After that first time we'd had sex, I knew we'd crossed the line' I was intending to spend New Year’s eve 2004 in the parish centre but had a stomach bug and was not well. Kath came just before midnight and I was not welcoming and rude to her and we ended up having an argument because she wanted to stay the night and I didn’t want her to! The next day I went to apologise but she wouldn’t listen. I tried a couple of times to contact her but she wouldn’t respond. I was due to go on holiday when I received a letter from her. She was angry with me and tore strips off me for being so insensitive and cruel. She told me that she had a bad Christmas and wished for a better New Year! She insisted that she did not want to speak to me and that she wanted to start a new life. She spoke about possibly moving away and finding work, the letter ended in an upbeat way. She asked me not to keep the letter and I threw it away before going on holiday. On the day of her death Cath [sic] asked to see me. She told me that she had taken pills and asked me to forgive her for this, but she wouldn’t tell me what. I could see she was in deep depression and I believed her. I begged that she would let us get the ambulance but she refused until someone eventually did, as you know she had a massive heart attack on the way to the hospital and didn’t regain consciousness. I have betrayed my ordination vows and I know I must face the consequences of this and the part I played in mum’s depression along with many other pressures and disappointments in her life, that led to her death. It is ten years late but I am truly sorry that she is not with you now and a grandma to your children. Steve Cooper
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