Lives Ruined by Sexual Abuse
By Jeff Labine
TIMMINS - Ray Lariviere never thought he would get control of his life back after being sexually assaulted as a child. The 60 year old told his story of abuse to a crowd of more than 40 people at a fundraising dinner at the Dante Club. The dinner was held to bring more awareness of sexual abuse towards males. “I've come a long way,” Lariviere said. “I have control of my own life. Before I would just give up. That means a lot to me. If I had a problem I would deal with it when I felt like it but I never did. Now when I have a problem I deal with it right away.” Lariviere explained that when he was 14, a priest sexually assaulted him. His family was Catholic and went to church all the time. He became an alter boy and often went to church early to help out. That changed when a new priest came to town. Lariviere said the new priest became friends with the whole parish and even came to his home a few times. The man came over so often that Lariviere started going for car rides with him to get a snack. Over time Lariviere started to trust him. “This happened in 1969,” he said. “Back then the priest kind of control the town. If they told you to do something you did it. The thing about sexual abuse is that it is always someone you know. It's not a stranger.” The aftermath of what happened impacted Lariviere heavily. He said he blamed himself and asked why he didn't stop it. He developed a drinking problem and even contemplated suicide. “I'm not proud of all the things I did but there was a reason why I did it,” he said as he started to tear up. “I tried suicide twice. Both times I failed. I guess I'm not ready for it. It was survival for me to drink. I was an alcoholic for 40 years. I didn't care who I hurt; my wife suffered, my boys suffered, my whole family suffered. That's how I would numb the pain. I felt ashamed. At the age of 14, I lost my whole life.” He said the man who abused him is now in jail. He expressed disappointment in the justice system because the man received five years – a year for each of his victims. But things have improved for Lariviere. He said his relationships with his family have improved and can more easily talk about what happened. The crowd also heard from former city councillor and salesman Ray Auclair, who helped organize the event. Auclair told his story of how he suffered sexual abuse at the hands of an older man when he was 13 years old. Like Lariviere, Auclair also struggled with alcoholism and even contemplated suicide. It took years but in 1992, Auclair decided he wanted to change. But unlike Lariviere, Auclair's abuser never went to prison as he killed himself in 1995. Despite hating the man for what he did, Auclair said he forgave him. “I realized I was a victim,” he said. “That man had control over me. If you've been abused you have to speak up. Break the silence.” Timmins OPP Sgt. Stephen Meunier shared his stories at the dinner about residents dealing with sexual abuse. He told the story of one older man, who had been sexually assaulted when he was younger, who killed himself. Meunier said he felt helpless that he couldn't have done more for the man. “It is such a violation of their privacy to be assaulted in that manner,” he said. “When we found his body the first thing I thought of was his story. It made me feel helpless as a person, as a police officer to say 'what more could we have done.' “It's tough for them and we see it as police officers. It's important for people to know that the police are there for them. If they come to the police station with their story then we're going to do something for them.” Nathalie Brown, a therapist with Timmins Family Counselling Centre, said she has two boys who were sexually abused about seven years ago. “We worked together as a family and with the support of the community we were able to give them the proper treatment and follow up,” she said. “There has been a lot of focus on girls but we have to remember that this also happens to boys. We're really just starting now to bring the focus on awareness. It's important for everyone to be gathered as a team and work together.” Her advice for sexual abuse survivors is to talk to someone they trust. She added it could take decades for someone to feel comfortable to talk about what they went through. Funds raised at the dinner will be used for a billboard to raise awareness of the issue.
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