Abuse Victim Feels He Wasn't Helped by Catholic Church

By Melinda James
ABC News
December 10, 2013

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-12-11/child-abuse/5148824


Rob lived with the secret of the sexual abuse he'd suffered at the hands of a Wollongong priest for decades.

In the early 1980s he was just a small boy, aged around 7 or 8.

"I used to go into the church to find solace. At that time we were allowed to go whenever we wanted to into the church. So I used to find solace, just going and sitting and praying. I guess I was a bit of a spiritual kid," he said.

He says he used to light a candle and just sit quietly.

"While I was there, the priest come up and talk to me and wanted to know about me and why I was sitting there and why I felt safe in the church," said Rob.

"Then he took me into one of the rooms at one time and that's where the abuse occurred."

Rob says it wasn't long before it happened again.

"Not long after, I went into the confessional where he was doing confessions and he got me to come into the other side of the confessional and sit on his lap and the abuse happened again there.

"He asked me whether I'd said anything about what happened before and I said no. And he said you're a good boy and that's the thing that sticks into my head all the time. Whenever someone says you're a good boy, even now it triggers memories so it was saying to me well you're a good boy, you don't need to say anything to anyone. God will protect you. God loves you and this is just our little secret."

Rob's now 40. He first revealed details of the abuse in a counselling session about ten years ago. But it wasn't until recently that he went back to counselling because he realised the abuse was still affecting him and his relationships and he needed help to move on with his life.

Together with his counsellor, he decided to go to the police. But after speaking with a detective in Wollongong and being told his case would be difficult to pursue, Rob decided to confront the church.

"All I wanted to do was tell my story and let them know that I remembered what had happened," he said.

"So I had an interview with someone in Wollongong with Towards Healing and they took down a statement from me.

"After that they got in contact with me through a private investigator that was hired by the church ... to try and establish from their point of view whether it (the abuse) was true or not," said Rob.

He says he now deeply regrets going through Towards Healing.

"I found it a very disturbing experience because I had to relive everything again and it was almost like they didn't believe me," he said.

The church's own investigator found that it was likely Rob had been sexually abused by a Wollongong priest but she concluded that the offender was someone other than the man identified by Rob.

"I had a meeting with the Bishop and his secretary and that was a very traumatic experience because in that meeting they were very adamant that it wasn't that priest," he said.

The church attempted to set up meetings with Rob and the church's insurance representatives to discuss compensation which he refused.

They offered him more money and he refused again because he didn't want to be silenced.

"I would have had to sign something to say you know after this you can't go to the police, you can't do anything," he said.

"My main intention when I went to them was not for money. I went to them to let them know what had happened. Because of the way that they treated me after it ... that's when I became angry because I was made to feel more guilty and more bad about what happened to me than when it actually happened.

"After I gave them all my details and met with them, they basically wanted nothing to do with me since," said Rob.

"I don't understand why it's called Towards Healing because there's no healing process at all."

Rob has had a private hearing with the Royal Commission into Institutionalised Responses to Child Sexual Abuse and says there's talk he could be called to a public hearing early next year.

"The Royal Commission is amazing. I've had phone calls from them. Their support is amazing. They look into everything. It's a great process. I'm so glad that that's happening now."

Rob says thanks to the staff at the Royal Commission, his case has been referred to police in Sydney who've been in touch with him.

He says he knows of other victims in Wollongong who went to school around the same time as him and it's time for the silence to end.

"Wollongong's very closed still. I think there's a lot of abuse that has happened and the community or the organisations are not willing at the moment to open up but I think that needs to happen, especially in Wollongong."