An Altar Boy's Tale of "Fear, Shame and Guilt"

Herald Sun
November 12, 2012

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/national/an-altar-boys-tale-of-fear-shame-and-guilt/story-fndo48ca-1226515627537

Pete Dillon has welcome the royal commission into child sexual abuse.

Royal Commission into child sexual abuse, saying tens of thousands can now tell their story "without fear, shame and guilt".

Pete Dillon was an eight-year-old altar boy when he was "forced and coerced" into performing sexual acts by a Catholic priest in regional Victoria.

He was warned he couldn't tell anyone about the abuse, which went on for a couple of years, and he didn't. He kept the truth hidden for 22 years.

Describing his 20s as a hellish period that terrified him, Mr Dillon finally sought therapy, and at the age of 30 came to terms with the abuse and came out as gay.

"It was like a massive weight off my shoulders," he told news.com.au.

Now 44, Mr Dillon has been campaigning for a royal commission and yesterday got his wish. He hopes thousands of victims can finally find closure.

"I hope that anybody who has been through child sexual abuse can find answers to questions they've held onto for a very long time - so that they can heal," he told news.com.au.

"I'd like the Catholic Church to apologise and to admit guilt - that this is systemic and has been happening for decade.

"I don't think there can be any recompense for what was lost, but for those whose lives have been ruined by mental health and substance abuse, they need financial recompense."

Mr Dillon said the abuse, which he now recognises was about power and control, changed him.

"He told me he'd chosen me because I was special, and at other times I was told I'd been bad," he said.

"No-one knew about it. It was one of the reasons I never came out until I was 30 because I always had this guilt that it was my fault.

"About a year after having therapy, I sat down with my mother and told her what had actually happened.

"It was like I had been cleansed after being able to talk to her."

'I have no faith'

Mr Dillon says that it was difficult for a boy among nine kids, living off a single wage, to challenge one of the only things his parents held onto - their faith.

He would spend a lot of time with the priest at Sunday Mass, weddings, funerals and trips away to other churches. He says it was frightening.

"There was a lot of guilt, a lot of fear. I kept that scared little boy with me for a long time," he said.

"The one thing my parents did have, their faith.... the thought of challenging that was something I couldn't contemplate.

"[Now] I have no faith. I identify as an atheist. I don't care for the Church."

Mr Dillon hopes that others can find the closure he's found over the past 14 or so years.

But the royal commission, in his view, should particularly focus on clerical sexual abuse.

"I want a bit more. When the announcement was made - I wasn't 100 per cent overjoyed because it seems very broad and far-reaching,"he said.

"I feel a sense of happiness that this Royal Commissioner has been announced, I'm pleased that so many people will be listened to. This morning I feel relieved.

"The Government has taken a brave and big step that will affect tens of thousands of people. I applaud our Prime Minister."