Wrestling with Faith: Readers Share Their Catholic Experiences PART 3
By Tom Moran
Last Sunday, Star-Ledger editorial page editor Tom Moran wrote about his struggles with Catholicism, describing himself as a "refugee from the Catholic Church." This week, the Star-Ledger is publishing letters from our readers about their own struggles. This is Part 3 of 3. It's right to defer to church leaders on faith I am a Catholic. Have been since birth. I have spent nine years as a Franciscan seminarian before deciding that neither religious life nor priesthood and I were suited for each other. I have often disagreed with church leaders on their interpretation or implementation of the Christian message. Yet Jesus knowingly placed the fate of the church into the hands of mere humans whom He promised to guide via the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. It is a testament to this guidance that, despite the errors of frail human leaders, the church and its fundamental message continues to exist—and I continue to believe in them. I believe that people who equate the actions of human representatives of this, or any other institution, with the efficacy of its principles are either unaware of the distinction or else actively seeking rationale to excuse themselves from whichever of those principles seem a burden to them. I am aware of many who profess to be followers of a particular creed who are ignorant of the beliefs that are required in order to be a legitimate member of that community. Although I, as an admittedly opinionated human, would prefer some teachings to be different, I recognized the authority of those in leadership positions and defer to them in matters of faith and morals. It is not easy, but it is right. If, however, their words or actions are in opposition to the principles they profess and teach, these should be pointed out and corrected. They should be replaced if necessary, but also, understanding that their position does not excuse them from being human, we should offer them the forgiveness that we all seek as taught to us in the Lord's Prayer: forgive us as we forgive them. Ron Funk, Dayton Faith brought me through difficult times I am still in the Catholic Church because it maintains, as I do, that Jesus Christ was the Son of God and was crucified and resurrected to save us from our sins. It also maintains, as I do, that the Eucharist is the real body and blood, not the symbol, of Jesus Christ through the transubstantiation of the bread and wine in the mass. I am still a Catholic because it is the Church established by Jesus Himself when he said, "Thou art Peter and upon this rock I will build my church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it." Matthew 16:18. My faith has brought me through many difficult experiences starting as a young Marine lieutenant in the '60's and throughout my life supporting a wife and four children through downsizing after downsizing. I would like to see more leadership by the Church in economic and political realms as millions of people suffer and lose their right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness which as our founders said were inalienable rights given to us by our Creator. Bill Keller, Scotch Plains People, church do have flaws The Catholic church has flaws. Hey, People run it The church's work is to preach and follow Jesus Christ's commands: His two commandments: Love God and love your neighbor. The Mass and the Sacraments are devoted to God, Love thy neighbor takes many forms: 1. Hospitals to care for the sick 2. Catholic Charities' many services to help the poor 3. Soup kitchens (St John's and Mother Theresa in Newark) to feed the poor. 4. Schools to teach the young- especially in the inner city/saving poor children 5. Christ the King (Cresto Rey) High Schools in Newark and other cities (a work-study cooperative with businesses) 6. Catholic Universities that graduate many of our Business and Political leaders 7. Parish programs to supply food banks 8. Parish programs for the Aged providing food, transportation, and companionship 9. Programs for Teenagers You name it, they do it. An organization such as this should be recognized and admired. The sex scandal in the church should not be condoned. It involved a small percentage of priests (3 or 4 percent). Still, this is too many, and the bishops who tried to hide it (a la Penn State) are the worst offenders .The church has installed many new requirements to prevent abuse happening in recent years. But when I read about a corrupt politician, do I think democracy is no good, the government is no good? Of course not. We try to make it better. The Catholic church does a tremendous amount of good in this world (and some bad) but, on balance, it's the one for me. John A. Wickens, Roseland Most important word is respect I was born into a Catholic family and went to Catholic grammar school. The Priests and nuns gave me a good education which stressed being kind to everyone and not discriminating against others. Of course this also included the ABC's. Being prayerful was important; first by thanking God for all His blessings and always believing that prayer could move mountains. Our prayers may not be answered exactly the way we want, but we receive strength and courage to do our best. I went to public high school and had many friends of different religions but respect and understanding mattered. I still have these friends. No religion is perfect just as no human being is perfect; however, for me my faith has served me well through many hardships. My Catholic faith gives me hope, courage and inner strength knowing that with all the modern thinking in this world, God is there for everyone. Please talk to Him and create a relationship with Him. Our world needs God in it; shutting Him out is wrong. Love and peace are wonderful words, but the most important word is respect. Without respect, love and peace lose their meaning. Lorraine Rinaldi, East Hanover Traveled with Archbishop Myers I am so grateful to have been born and raised in a Catholic family and feel so fortunate to have been able to maintain and grow in my relationship with my Catholic faith because of the teachings of the church. It has formed me to become the person I am. It wasn't until I was an adult that I traveled to Rome. I was in awe that what I had read and learned about was alive and thriving. I later had the fortune to travel to Poland with Archbishop Myers, some members of his family and other priests. It was historical, fun, and the archbishop kept it very holy with daily Mass and the rosary. We visited religious sites and had prayerful activities. Both sets of my grandparents came from Poland and from the stories and pictures I learned as a child I felt I was home in this country. It was real . I knew my roots. My strongest revelation came when I visited Jerusalem. Like a doubting Thomas, I saw, touched and walked in the footsteps of Jesus. I reflect often on this visit as it is a reminder of my faith and who I am. Visiting these three countries assured me of the church's oneness and unity in the world. Yes, the church has faults but I don't know what else the world has to offer that has lasted more than 2,000 years and is able to feed and nourish me and so many others. It is always asking Catholics to share their time, talent and treasure and always serving people of all races, creeds and religions. It is the compass to help me lead a good and productive life. M.J. Lundgren, Berkeley Heights Not the time to abandon the church I attended Catholic grammar school, high school, college, and graduate school. I became an altar boy when the Mass was said in Latin, continue to attend Mass, send our children to Catholic grammar school and high school. I am a Catholic. The question is, "Why?" Since high school, religious history has been a subject of great intrigue; its role in the rise and fall of societies, contributions to wars and cultural revolutions. Many religions have been persecuted, eventually come into power, then ultimately became the persecutors. As a Catholic, a father and a clinical psychologist, I counsel it is our responsibility, as individuals and groups, to question authority, specifically institutional authority, which is flawed and subject to human weaknesses and frailties. It must make sense before we accept and respect the authority. The Catholic church is the institution, whose leadership has lost their connection to the people and, failing to navigate through this crisis, appears to be steering toward self-destruction. The institution however must be understood as separate from the deep and beautiful Catholic faith. In an analogous example we can substitute the term Catholic church with American government, and the term, Catholic faith with American principles; one can disagree with the former without abandoning the latter. It is my hope that, like the destructive forest fire that is necessary to reemerge as a stronger forest, the Catholic church will not only survive, but reemerge as the awe-inspiring, inclusive, faith-based community it was intended to be. The Catholic church belongs to we, the people. This is not the time to abandon the church, but to keep the faith during these difficult and challenging times and fix our church. There is so much good that Catholic organizations do locally and around the world that I am personally proud to be part of. I can disagree, strongly so, with the institution but I am a Catholic, and could be nothing else. Matthew Sheprow, Sea Girt Contradictory messages can be confusing I am blessed abundantly, and I attribute this to living a spiritually centered life focused on faith, prayer and values reflective of the Ten Commandments and the Beatitudes. Thanks to my lifelong connection with and participation in both Roman Catholic and Franciscan churches, I have been fortified through worship, fellowship and faith formation. Although my gratitude for this religious guidance, this community, this family is immeasurable, my ultimate spiritual connection is between me and God. My relationship with Him is personal, special and unique as that is how I believe He loves me; that is how I believe He loves all people. The Gospel proclaims this love through the stories and death of Jesus. He came as man to help us understand God's unconditional love for us, and show us how to love one another. It is confusing when messages and beliefs contradictory to this are promoted by the church's leadership. It is disconcerting when the church's leadership proclaims universal values that do not allow for personal connection or reflection. It is disturbing when the church's leadership condemns certain behaviors and pardons other behaviors without relatable explanation. Formal worship can be spiritually enriching regardless of the parish, community or associated leadership. God is a central part of my life and quintessential in my worship. My spiritual conviction is strong enough to believe beyond what I don't deem reflective of Christ's teachings. I will not walk away from formal worship, but I will not walk with those who promote values that contradict my understanding of an all-loving God. I will continue to worship as long as it nurtures my ability to be a more loving and understanding person. After all, loving and understanding make a stronger human family. Isn't that what Our Father wants for us? Leslie Young, Caldwell Society, not church, has changed The leadership of the Catholic church is doing just fine. Yes, they are human with human faults. These faults have never interfered with the basic tenets of the Liturgy and the Sacraments. The teachings of Christ are safe and sound with the church. They have not changed. Our society has changed. Christianity is one of the hardest faiths for us humans to follow. Turning the other cheek is so against the grain of a suit-happy society. It is even harder for the "lambs among wolves," whether laity or clergy, to propagate this faith among a self indulgent, physically infatuated, sex absorbed society. Christ would be rolling in His grave, if He hadn't risen on the third day. How can a society with such an obsession on the physical ever understand those who teach us about the spiritual? How can this kind of society even begin to understand the teachings of the church? Should our church leaders be more conciliatory? Was Christ acting in a conciliatory manner when He said, "... anyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery."; "everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has committed adultery in his heart."; and "Whoever then annuls even the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven."? In four thousand years, are our hearts as hard as the followers of Moses? Does the church have to change then to keep her congregation? Should our church leaders become the "least" in the kingdom of Heaven? A chronicle written about another bishop, Saint John of Como, could easily apply to our own archbishop. Saint John of Como lived in the 7th century and was suffering persecution from Arian heretics. It was written of him, "He did not fall away from his predecessors in sanctity, for pressing onward in their holy footsteps he brought much light to blind sinners, showing them clearly the way to heaven, and after the fashion of a skilled sea captain sparing neither sweat nor labors that he might bring the little boat entrusted to him [his diocese] to the desired port." That port is heaven. New century, same ignorance. G.M. Adubato, Nutley Questions many church teachings I was raised Catholic and as a child, teen and even as a young adult, I accepted the church's teachings. As I matured and was exposed to the world, I became more thoughtful about those teachings and concluded that some simply did not make sense. For example, the infallibility of the pope. Who determined that the pope is infallible? Fallible men! It's not rational. I remember in high school being told that going steady was a mortal sin which means if you die before repenting, you will go to hell for all eternity. Even then, with my limited maturity, I reasoned, "this can't be right." The Church also insists that failing to attend Mass every week is also a sin. Eating certain foods on certain days will also consign one to hell. And how about the divorced Catholic who remarries. According to Church law, that person is forever excommunicated and forbidden from receiving Communion -- all because of a mistake. If a serial killer who tortures and dismembers his victims does repent, he is forgiven and welcomed back to the sacraments. But a person who has made the apparently unforgiveable mistake of marrying the wrong person is forever relegated to a life of solitude and celibacy. Keep in mind that these "sinners" will be grouped in with and going to the same hell as murderers, extortioners, torturers, etc. What reasonable adult can accept all that? Religious extremism (in any faith as well as in atheism) is a dangerous thing. I have always distanced myself from those Bible-toting/Bible-quoting so called "Christians." In my experience, the most religious among us are the least God-like. They are the most judgmental, the most intolerant, the most accusatory, the most exclusionary, the least forgiving, the least accepting, the least understanding and the least empathic of all people. I believe in a benevolent God who does not mete out punishment like a vindictive despot. Being a good person who gives of oneself to help others and who contributes to this world is far more holy than someone who attends Mass, prays then hurts someone with sharp words. It's not easy being Catholic but I still feel a strong connection to the church. I guess I'm what you call a "cafeteria Catholic" who picks and chooses what he/she believes. I feel comfortable with that and besides, it's between me and my God. Doreen Allen, Branchburg Fond memories in the church My earliest awareness of the Catholic church -- as a force -- came on an evening while staring out my window onto 126th Street in College Point, Queens. It was awareness of belonging to something beyond the five room flat behind me which was by that time crowded with 8 people. I had a feeling of confidence and certitude that nothing else has ever come close to. I looked out that window and it came to me that that church and school were one block up nd two blocks over -- my mind went there and I felt happy. It was clean, organized and confident despite the nick name my father gave it. It was Saint Fidelis School -- SFS was the emblem on our plaid jumper so he called it "sisters feet stink" he had to lay in some keen things to remember him by for when he wasn't around . He and his brothers were mostly bohemians, newly minted intellectuals that make most modern "editorialist" seem kind of dated to me now -- sort of like good old dad. Anyway the convent had a harp in the vestibule, the church smelled great and sparkled, and the school was a beacon of low middle class dreams realized -- reading, writing, community and arithmetic. In that order. We went to mass with our class even on Sunday and I remember banging on the bathroom door on Sunday morning for my mother to come to church -- poor thing she worked as a nurse and was probably exhausted and sick or both. I walked up by myself. That was third grade. (Men who valued the careers of women was nothing new to me either.) When we moved to the suburbs of New Jersey I saw a different church -- and even less of dad. Not to mention how terrifying was the bus ride on those country roads. Those kids -- and their parents! -- said I had a Brooklyn accent! Being from Queens this was way too much to bear. Eventually I subbed in that school after college and the pastor there was years later my (only) hero/ counselor advocate in what looked like an inauspicious marriage. I still think of his faith in us (me?) when after these 29 years I lose ground. I don't mind airing dirty laundry but this was my family -- the Catholic Church. I was a middle child -- with ( I learned later) empowerment issues and abandonment issues. It seemed to me the only empowerment I would ever have and has remained a very trustworthy and satisfying access to the world, ironically I guess. The Catholic Church is a worldly good given to us by Christ to get to Him in heaven -- and like a ladder it will be irrelevant then even while it is so essential (to me) now. Susan O'Dougherty, Morristown Public opinion shouldn't influence church I was baptized a Catholic when I was a child. Originally Presbyterian, my father converted to Catholicism when I was very young. My dad loved the Church, and gave himself generously to it, both in time and money. He sent my brother and me to a Good Catholic school, run by the sisters of St. Dominic. We were taught our faith, both at school and at home. My parents lived their faith by example at home, even though my mom was not Catholic. I was taught (and still believe) when it comes to matters of faith and morals that The Magisterium (teaching authority of the church, consisting of the Pope and the Bishops in communion with him) are infallible in matters of faith and morals. I believe that Archbishop Myers (and every bishop) has a responsibility to preach and teach the truth, whether it is in accord with public opinion or not. I intend to remain a Catholic, until death And do the best I can to live as the Church teaches, without regard to popular opinion. Stephen E. Thorpe, Winfield Park Is the archbishop a bully? Is it possible that Archbishop John Myers is becoming a bully? It seems that every time he writes letters to his congregation it is to demean and upset his flocks. Archbishop's newest letter is to bully us into voting for what he believes is most important and then threatens us with damnation if we don't follow through. Sitting in Catholic Church after a long week of work, raising children, taking care of our home and family and trying to do Gods work each day, it would be nice if just once the sermon was on the good that comes from praying, the satisfaction that comes from helping a family member in need, how awesome it feels to help the needy. It is with a hardened heart that we have to sit and listen to some one say we might not be worthy to receive communion, that our values are not consistent with our Church. If Catholics who have been divorced, used birth control, cheated on there spouses, had a child out of wedlock, had a child through in-vitro and who thought gay marriage was okay could no longer receive communion, mass could be shorter by almost 20 minutes. By the way, how does Archbishop really mean to enforce this measure? Would we have to wear scarlet letters? Seriously, has anyone ever seen anyone pulled out of communion line? Wouldn't it be nice if just once a 12 page letter went our from our leader saying "Good Job" Thanks for coming to church, Thanks for all your contributions to the poor, Thanks for all the support we received in our parish's to teach Sunday school, help at the fairs, get your family to church on time. Thanks for taking care of your family!" Isn't it time for the Church to bring us together, to unite us in helping the poor and needy. Our church does many fund raisers during the year and it is at this time that I am most proud of what we can accomplish. I really pray that Archbishop Myers could spend time with a family and know what goes on each day in the life of a Catholic family. It seems that he is out of touch with our realities. This is why so many are leaving the Catholic Church. I myself have spent some time at an Episcopal Church with women, yes a woman priest!!! She understands what it is like to get through a week, how much work goes into being a parent. Her sermons raise us up not bring us down. For myself, I am the mother of three girls. My husband and I raised them to believe they could accomplish anything they set there mind to. Except be a Catholic Priest. Almost every person has a family member or friend who is Gay. We know the struggles that he or she might have with prejudice towards them. Wouldn't Jesus tell us to love them? In the book of Mark, Jesus was asked "What is the most important commandment"? Jesus answered" The Lord our God is one, and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul, and with all your mind. The second is this; you shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is not greater commandment than these." Shouldn't this be what our Archbishop is concentrating on? I pray for your Archbishop Meyer, please unite us in your church, find our commonalities and raise us up in faith. Audrey Murator, Cranford Refugee from leadership, not the church I applaud Tom Moran for his brilliant column on how the Catholic hierarchy in general, and Archbishop John Myers in particular, have betrayed the principles of Jesus. As a fellow spiritual refugee from the Catholic church hierarchy -- but not from the Catholic church -- I especially agree with Moran when he writes: "Good Catholics look after those in need, just as Jesus did" -- and "Archbishop Myers, in his attempt to sway the election to Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan, brushes by the problem of poverty and says nothing of Romney's plan to savage the safety net." In my view the essence of Christianity can be seen in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount (Matthew V). My favorite Beatitudes are: "Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice, for they shall be satisfied" -- "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven" -- "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy" -- and "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God." I believe the Jesus who came preaching good news to the poor, release to the captives, recovery of sight to the blind and liberation to the oppressed has been stolen by today's right-wing Republicans. They do not care about public policies to help the poor, the imprisoned or the sick. They embrace a gospel of prosperity for the affluent, but remain indifferent to the impoverished and indebted of the developing world. The real Jesus has also been stolen by those who call you a saint when you feed the hungry at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but a Communist when you ask why people are hungry. In spite of the arrogance of Archbishop Myers in trying to persuade Catholics to vote for Romney, the reason I stay in the church is the inspiration I have taken from those Catholics who have always been true to Jesus' principles (i.e., love and generosity are good, selfishness and greed are bad): from St. Francis of Assisi, Mother Teresa, and Thomas Merton to Dorothy Day, Catholic Relief Services, Sister Simone Campbell and the "Nuns on the Bus"! These are the true disciples of Jesus -- and not the corrupt hierarchy that has through the centuries betrayed Jesus' principles (from the Spanish Inquisition to the hierarchy's collaboration with Louis XVI in 1789 against the French people's just struggle for liberty, equality and fraternity -- from the hierarchy's collaboration with England in 1795 against the Irish people's struggle for freedom to Archbishop Myers' abuse of power today in telling Catholics to vote for Romney). The hierarchy's strategy is obviously not working, since President Obama is ahead of Romney by 15 points among Catholics. Thankfully, as Moran says in his column, most of today's Catholics listen to their conscience -- and are too intelligent and critically thinking to be brainwashed by an archbishop. James V. Burke, Sayreville Church has become too polarizing I am a 60-year-old man who has stopped attending a Catholic church earlier this year. The reasons for my departure include a church that has become more polarizing and exclusionary, more openly political on pro-life and personal choice issues, it's shameful squandering of money on insignificant changes in its liturgy, the Vatican rebuke of the U.S. religious women for their social stances, its on-going failure to transparently deal with and accept its outrageous failure to deal in an appropriate manner with its abuse of children, its audacity to terminate the employment of an Indiana parochial school teacher for pursuing in-vitro fertilization and the Vatican bribery scandal. I am curious how the Bishop of Newark, the Bishop of Trenton and the NYC Cardinal and others can be so openly vocal about current political and life choice issues yet have been so silent on the Church's child abuse scandal and issues of global tragedy like genocide in Africa. I see the Catholic Church as concerned only with its image even at the expense of many of its most vulnerable members, children. There was a time that the message in church was, do unto others as you would have others do unto you, I sadly miss those days. Christopher Pelkey, Pennington Maybe faith wasn't strong enough I think all religions are mystical. I am a Roman Catholic and my religion is one of the most mysterious of all. It is one of the oldest religions known today. Our beliefs are handed down thru stories thousands of years old as told in The Holy Bible. Few question our faith because of man-made changes but the scriptures, the fundamental belief has always stayed the same. Jesus, the only Son of God, died on the cross for our sins so that we all be saved one day. When I walk into a church I am prepared to have a one on one spiritual experience with my God, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Some walk away from the church when man-made changes come along because they're Faith isn't strong enough in the teachings and ways of our Roman Catholic Faith. For me, I view the pastor, the archdiocese, The Vatican, as I do a mayor, governor, president. They make the laws by which I follow, but what I feel about my religion, my Catholicism and what I feel about my country, the United States of America are my own personal experiences that no one will can take away from me. When I've lost everything else for the moment, the one thing I still have is my Faith in God. My Catholic religion. JoAnna Silva, Newark Learned it's OK to disagree I attended Catholic school for 12 years. On the positive side, the experience provided me with self discipline that has helped me immensely. On the negative side, I attended church for a some years but never practiced its teachings. Catholicism, to me, is based on blind adherence to its beliefs and doctrine. In school, I was afraid to express an opposing opinion because I feared the wrath of the nuns. When drafted in the Army at the age of 19, I was a perfect soldier because of my total commitment to blind obedience. When my brother was killed in a car accident 32 years ago, I experienced grief and depression. I was hospitalized. In the therapy that followed, I discovered something different than what was not taught in Catholic school...We can disagree without being disrespectful. I chose teaching as a profession, Because of my experience as a student in Catholic school, I applied the opposite teaching of inquiry and encouraging students to question and debate without penalty or consequence. Within my negative experience was a positive experience of teaching students how and not what to think. Now retired, my teaching career was very rewarding. My Catholic school experience was negative for me but it yielded positive results for the students I taught! Joseph Wardy, Randolph
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