Victim of Sexual Violence Tells Her Heartbreaking Story

By Lee You-Jin
The Hankyoreh
August 20, 2012

http://english.hani.co.kr/arti/english_edition/e_national/547831.html

'When light hits a teardrop, it twinkles', wrote Eun Su-yeon (a pseudonym) in an essay released on Aug. 15. It is the first writing by a victim of sexual violence by relatives published in Korea. The writer was sexually abused for 9 years from when she was in 5th grade of elementary school. The perpetrator was her own father, who was a pastor. When she was in 6th grade, she had to have an abortion.

When Eun was a freshman in university, she was dragged to a motel by her father. She managed to escape to a police station after pleading with the motel owner that she had been kidnapped.

Her father was arrested. He served seven years in prison and was released. In the past, under South Korean law, for a case of sexual abuse to move forward, the alleged victim had to make a formal accusation. That law has been changed and it is now possible to punish the offender without victim's accusation.

Eun spent ten years writing her book little by little, like spitting up her blood, and finally released her story publicly. She is now in her 30s, working sincerely, with a strong voice and sparkling eyes full of passion.

She explained her motives for publishing the book, "My experiences are not unique to me. There are a lot of similar cases in this society. If I kept my mouth shut, no one would know the story. But I didn't want to bury it in secret." She laughed saying, "I feel so free and easy now."

But when she was young, she couldn't tell anyone this story. Her father threatened her, "If you tell anyone about this, I will kill you." She wrote in her book couple times, "Now, I have to speak up."

"While I was telling other people my story, I realized that it was not my fault, but completely father's fault. But it took quite a long time to say, 'Dad, I have a box full of humiliation for you as a present,' in the book," she said.

When Eun was young, her father used to wait her in front of the school gate to prevent her from escaping. She wrote in her book, "I thought he came to school to take me, a thing, with which he could do whatever he wanted, harass or make a toy of me. I felt like I was becoming just a thing, not a human being."

When she was caught after attempting to escape, her father's violence was even more severe. Her mother knew what was happening to her daughter. But she couldn't help her daughter, since she was also afraid of her husband's violence.

Eun majored in social welfare studies in graduate school to take an objective view and better understand her family. When she was 30, she finally made peace with her mother just before her death.

"I asked mom why she couldn't stop my father, and she said she was scared my father would kill her. After we reconciled, we planned to go on a trip just the two of us. But suddenly she passed away of heart attack. I'm sorry for her as a woman," Eun said.

Her brother supported publishing her story, saying, "Write well and make the guys read it." Thanks to her friends' support, from home and abroad, she is going to hold a party for the book's release. "I had no luck with my parents, but instead I met so many good people," Eun smiled.

She has tried hard to heal herself and has volunteered to support victims of sexual violence in women's organizations for over 10 years. She participated busily in the events such as psychodrama workshops, healing writing, and group counseling.

She said, "Especially through the movie 'The Crucible' [released in 2011, based on true incidents of sexual violence which occurred at a school for hearing-impaired persons in Gwangju, South Korea], hundreds of thousands of people recognized sexual violence as a problem in our society. I was so impressed and thought my story would arouse people's sympathy."

Of course she still has some fear of being criticized because of prejudice or misunderstanding. She said, "I hope everybody knows that the victims never accepted their life, or enjoyed it just because they had endured the long period of sexual violence." She added strongly, "This story is not about 'sex', but 'violence', which a little girl suffered from."

"The ones who have to feel embarrassed are the offenders themselves. I was in downtown, dragged by my father but no one helped me even when I was crying out what he did wrong to me. My cry is not coming out, but speaking out. I'm just shouting loudly towards the world. There is a story about a man who walked across the desert for his life and finally encountered the New World. Same for me. If I didn't write my story, the New World would never come to me," she said.

Eun added, "I hope other victims to come out from their deep scars, and meet friends that can support and help them. Remember, your tears can twinkle too."