The Missed Targets of a Bullet List

By Karen Croci
The Pokrov
July 2, 2012

http://www.pokrov.org/display.asp?ds=Article&id=1825

[with pdf]

What does an Orthodox parish do when their priest is convicted of assault and battery with a deadly weapon and is in jail for crimes committed against one of their own parishioners - an adult female? This is a special report for www.pokrov.org of a meeting between parishioners and clergy facing the division, pain, mistrust, and upheaval that comes with one priest's conviction.

On May 25, 2012, the Very Rev. Michael Abdelahad, former Archpriest and Dean of St. George's Antiochian Cathedral of Worcester, MA, was sentenced in Worcester, MA District Court to serve 90 days of a two-year prison sentence for a felony assault and battery with a deadly weapon: his shod foot. He was also given a three-year probation sentence for assault and battery: biting his victim. You can read about this priest and his trial on www.pokrov.org.

June 27, 2012

Worcester, MA - The bullet list from the June 26, 2012 meeting at Worcester's St. George Antiochian Orthodox Cathedral missed its targets: Without straight shooting from the clergy and with key targets missing from the audience, the effort was doomed from the start.

What the Antiochian clergy asked of its community at the meeting, it was unwilling to expect from themselves. And when the parish tried to heal itself with the airing of pain and grievances, the clergy failed to acknowledge the suffering of their own members, as well as a woman who will bear the injuries and scars of clergy sexual abuse for the rest of her life.

Father Milad Selim, the current priest of St. George's Cathedral, invited both parishioners and guests to join with him and Bishop John Abdalah, Auxiliary of the Diocese of Worcester and New England for the Self-Ruled Antiochian Orthodox Christian Archdiocese of North America, for a discussion of current parish problems. According to some parishioners, it was supposed to be a meeting to answer questions and deal with several recent painful events: An abusive priest's behavior, namely Rev. Michael Abdelahad; and the loss of a beloved associate priest, namely Father Ephraim Peters.

Both clergymen have supporters who are loyal to their man.

Rev. Abdelahad has been the priest and dean of St. George's Cathedral for a long time, over 25 years. To some, he's been a good and decent priest. He has been described by some as the salt of the earth, a saint, almost perfect. He is no longer the priest or the dean of a Cathedral, but, as of this writing, he is an inmate in a county jail. Why? He was found guilty of abusing a female parishioner. Nothing destroys a parish faster than a priest found guilty of abuse or a congregation unable to accept their priest is guilty despite a decent defense, an intelligent judge, and mounds of evidence that proves otherwise.

And if this weren't enough, Rev. Peters - the Cathedral's own home boy from Worcester - who is not only any officer of the Church, but also an officer of the Court, is also no longer in their presence. Why? Some say it's because he stood up for Abdelahad's victim. Some say it's because his goodness was a clash with Abdelahad's descent into depravity and anger. Some are torn between the two.

Nevertheless, both men have people who are willing to stand up and say whatever is necessary to press their cause. Rev. Abdelahad's supporters spoke up on the stand during the trial. Rev. Peter's supporters spoke up within the confines of their Church.

What was starkly missing at last night's meeting was Rev. Abdelahad's victim, or someone to speak up on her behalf. The victim, a 45 year-old mother of three, endured over three years of physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual abuse as part of Rev. Abdelahad's remolding of her life. His "counseling" left her battered and broken. When she was finally able to stand up for herself and speak about the abuse to the Worcester police, St. George parishioners viciously turned on her, as witnessed in many newspaper articles and YouTube videos. She is now shunned by most of her former Antiochian friends as a liar and as a "crazy" woman.

She is, in fact, innocent of these accusations. And that bothers some - but not enough - of St. George's parishioners.

In any event, this was going to be a difficult meeting for all, but anything an Orthodox church can do to promote healthy responsibility concerning the victims of convicted priests would be a huge, if not a first, step in the direction of honesty, caring, and possibly real Christian love. Also, the issue of what was going to happen to Rev. Abdelahad and Rev. Peters had to be addressed. At least that's what I thought the meeting was going to be about.

The meeting was preceded by a short Divine Liturgy. Almost 50 parishioners sat in the pews; about 20 parishioners watched the service while chatting in the Narthex. It was a small turnout for a parish that once boasted 500 families.

At the close the Liturgy, all were invited into the church. The meeting began with a welcome from Fr. Milad, who introduced to the attendees the agenda that the clergy and Parish Council had in mind for the meeting. He passed out a "Cathedral Vision and Commitment Statement" so that all could agree upon its contents and then sign to it their names to show acceptance. Yes, there would be a question and answer period, but the clergy and council wanted to go over the Vision Statement, line by line. The bulk of the Vision Statement was a series of 10 bulleted points meant to guide Orthodox Christians in proper community behavior. (See a PDF of this statement.)

There was immediate frustration among the crowd. Parishioners scanned the document, but they were too hurt and too angry to listen to words of love, submission, forgiveness and acceptance. The opportunity to heal, to be truthful and loving - to be Christians - was lost even before the meeting truly began.

Frankly, had the clergy exited the meeting before handing out the bullet list, I believe the parishioners alone would have solved the afore-mentioned Abdelahad-Peters problem on their own. This congregation knows each other well; they grew up together. Their parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents founded this church. They have lived together, inter-married, loved each other, and worshipped together for decades in a city where ethnic churches abound. Historically, Orthodox communities in Worcester grew vast and solid through many immigrants' hard work, love of faith and homeland, and respect for and devotion to an American way of life.

It was apparent throughout the meeting that parishioners of St. George - no matter which priest they support - have a strong sense of right and wrong. They know when they do right, and they know when they do wrong - even though it is difficult to admit to sometimes. They are, after all, only human.

But the members of St. George have one agenda, and one agenda only: the continuation of the parish and the faith that connects them to their ancestors. And they take that idea very seriously. To some, that might be enough, and under good circumstances, it just might be plenty to handle and to maintain. But these are not good circumstances.

What was not on anyone's agenda was what to do about the priest's victim. She seemed to be the forgotten party in this mess. Why? Because no one wanted to see past their own pain. The bulleted list missed one important audience - the priest's victim.

The clergy fell short of what the parish intuitively understood: dealing with and acceptance of pain. The clergy lacked the ability to acknowledge and validate the suffering felt by the parish time and time again. And it's the clergy that put their own need for domination and control first that created more anger and friction that prevents this parish from moving forward. Another missed audience for the bullet list.

The Vision Statement, as it currently stands, uses words like, "openness," "understand," "transparent," "harmony," "respect," and the most-often word used during the evening, "love."

But for who? Each side had their idea of who needed love, respect, understanding. Each side had their own idea of how to create openness and transparency. Each side had their own vision of harmony. But without dealing with the other victim in this drama - Abdelahad's victim - there will be no complete healing, no matter how insistent the priest or the bishop is or how many documents parishioners sign.

The clergy asked each parishioner to forget about the past, be transparent in all they do and say, love the clergy, the Bishops, and Metropolitan Philip and accept all guidance from same, to take care of the cathedral's buildings, to work together and let go of the sin of anger, to embrace all with understanding and love, and to restore the Church by working hard and living the Christian life.

Where does the victim fit into this vision of faith, hope, and charity? The final question of the night did concern the victim. One woman, at the end of her comments to the Bishop, asked the question, "And what about the young woman out there who was brutalized?" The bishop simply asked for the victim's contract information, something any responsible bishop should have had already. It was an empty threat of love and caring, done for the record and quite disingenuous.

Fr. Milad and Bishop John have failed to realize that this parish is beyond the minor aches and pains of a school-yard scrimmage. This situation is not a sandbox fight where you dust yourself off and shake hands after the scuffle. This parish hurts and bleeds, much like Fr. Abdelahad's victim did while he was breaking his vows and the law.

Next time this parish puts together a bullet list, perhaps they could ask all parties involved to the meeting. In the meantime, the clergy of St. George's Cathedral and the Antiochian Orthodox Church, with no target in sight, continues to shoot blanks.