TRUE Faith Takes Time to Blossom

By Brian D'Arcy
Sunday World
May 3, 2012

http://www.sundayworld.com/columnists/father-brian.php

FIFTY years ago when I first entered The Graan as a 17-year old novice, I tried to be the best I could be. I accepted that the 'old' Brian D'Arcy had to die and that I had to take a new name, Desmond Mary. I accepted that I had to leave my clothes to be locked up by the Novice Master and to put on instead borrowed clothes, habit and walk in sandalled feet as well.

I willingly got up in the middle of the night to pray and then went back to bed before getting up at 6am again. I took all those penances for granted. Silence was an essential part of life and I had to leave my family behind. I could not write to them; I could not speak to them if they came to church. I should not try to understand what was happening in the world. All of which was tough but I bought into it anyway. I knew it was what I had to do to be a priest.

Now I realise it was seriously damaging to me as a person. On one of those bleak days the Rector called me to his cell (room). The Rector had been in Africa and was very close to being made a bishop.

Educated

He was educated in Rome and was secretary to the Passionist General for years. He came home, served as Provincial and now was Rector at The Graan. He was a man of some standing. The Master of Novices was away so the Rector was in charge of the novices. He called me to his room and asked me if I could use a cross-cut saw. I could, because my father had taught me.

He then asked another novice, if he could use the saw. He told him he could, even though he couldn't. He was afraid to tell the truth.

He then took us aside and gave us a task. Outside the monastery there was a row of 20 beautiful cherry trees. They had been planted ten to 15 years earlier. They were a good size and they were magnificent in blossom. The revered Rector then ordered me to cut down all 20 of them as close to the ground as possible. They were, in his words, "merely useless trees that gathered dirt".

We started to cut the trees and by 12 noon we had all 20 trees flattened.The rest of the Novices came out after lunch and carried them to the dump where they were left to dry out before they were burned. We were happy with our work. Some of the Community berated us for daring to cut the trees, even though they knew we had to obey the Rector. They were afraid to talk to the Rector

themselves so they dumped on us instead.

All went well until the next day when I was at solitary walk. It was a time when we had to walk around in silent prayer for 45 minutes.

Whilst I was walking, Charlie Keenan, who was the gardener, stomped over towards me. I didn't know that Charlie was the man who planted those trees, carefully nurtured them, and was very happy to see them blossoming. It was the work of a lifetime.

He looked at me with anger in his eyes and as he stuck a grape in the ground he said, "Are you the lunatic who cut down the cherry trees?"

Since I was not allowed to speak I nodded in assent. "Well it's jail you should get. Only a lunatic or a criminal would cut down such beautiful trees."

The presence of God was far from my mind. I knew instantly that false obedience had led me astray. But I was 17, innocent and eager to please. If I hadn't have cut the trees I would have been sent home.

Innocent

Today I think it's probably the most serious sin I have committed in my life. How could I not see the enormity of the sin of destroying Gods gift of beauty. The Rector, who was educated in Rome, in the midst of the greatest art treasures of the world, had decided that

a beautiful creation like a cherry tree was dirt.

Charlie Keenan, a man of nature, a man of the soil, a man in touch with God's graciousness, knew that they were a work of art to be cherished. I can't claim that I understood exactly the implications of it all at the time. But as I think of it now I recognise that God was teaching me about the limits to human obedience.

As the Gospel reminds me: "God's love comes to perfection ... peace be with you."