By Denise A. Hines
Telegram & Gazette
December 27, 2011
http://telegram.com/article/20111227/NEWS/112279956/1020
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The events that continue to unfold at Penn State, Syracuse and elsewhere are shocking, most especially because so many turned a blind eye to the fact that grown men at highly esteemed institutions were molesting young boys. Unfortunately, to think that these situations are unique to high-profile institutions would be naive. Such situations occur in colleges and universities, our K-12 school systems, our churches, our youth groups, our community centers, and our communities.
Predators rely on us being naive. They rely on us being reticent to admitting that someone we trust to take care of our children is capable of this. They rely on their status — and the fact that people have a stake in maintaining their status — to keep doing what they are doing. They understand very well that to bring them down would cause turmoil in the community in which they are leaders and distress in those who trusted them deeply, and therefore, they know that their community has a stake in turning a blind eye.
Predators also know that people assume two things: that we can spot a sex offender and that sex offenders cannot control their impulses to rape and molest everyone they come across. Neither of these things is true.
Sex offenders know that what they are doing is wrong, and so they are skilled at making sure that people like and trust them, even around their children. They also know that it is a good idea to not rape and molest everyone they know. They are very skilled at picking out just the right victims, while being upstanding with everyone else.
They target those who are vulnerable in some way — perhaps someone from a broken home, upset about something that happened at school or work, ostracized from peer groups or suffering a bad reputation. In other words, molesters prey upon those children and adults who are reluctant to come forward and who are not likely to be believed if they do come forward. Sex offenders know this and they use this to their advantage.
What can we do? Not turn a blind eye. Be a proactive bystander — someone who stands up for the vulnerable. A first step is to educate ourselves as to who sex offenders really are — not just those men on the registries in your community. People on sex offender registries represent only a minority of the people we need to concern ourselves about. Knowing who they are and where they live does little to protect ourselves and our community because the majority of sex offenses against children and adults are perpetrated by someone we know, and likely trust.
Second, we need to understand the things that keep us silent. There are very practical reasons why people who witness a sex offense do not act. They may think someone else will; they may not know what exactly they should do; they may not want to get themselves embroiled in a scandal that could bring down a potentially prominent member of their community; they may feel pressure from authority figures to keep silent; they may have a stake in maintaining the status quo.
However, we also need to understand the implications of not doing anything.
Being the victim of a sex offense can derail a person for a very long period of time. Try to imagine being in the victim’s shoes. Someone you trusted violated you in a very intimate way. Perhaps it happened in your home or at a place you thought you could be safe. Perhaps it happened multiple times in multiple places, sometimes while engaging in activities you used to enjoy.
Imagine what the ramifications are for you. You’ve likely lost your ability to trust; you no longer feel safe, even in your own home; you no longer enjoy doing the things that made you feel good about yourself. You may even feel further ostracized from your community because you have this secret. You are petrified of telling your secret because it is so personal, and you are afraid — unfortunately, often rightly so — that no one will believe you. Moreover, your perpetrator has also reinforced that no one will believe you. Now, imagine that people knew — perhaps even witnessed — but did nothing to help you. How would you feel? How would the next victim feel? And the next?
The majority of sex offenders are repeat offenders, so when you fail to intervene in one case, you also are failing future victims. For the victims’ and the community’s sake, you need to intervene. Even if it is difficult, it is the right thing to do. It is important to know that there is no one right way to intervene. You can intervene very publicly or anonymously, or anywhere in between.
But find a way to intervene and do it. Although it may be easier to turn a blind eye, do nothing, and maintain the false image that your community is doing well, remember that predators rely on that attitude to keep camouflaging their behavior.
Denise A. Hines, Ph.D.,is a research assistant professor in the Department of Psychology, director of Family Impact Seminars, and co-director of the Clark Anti-Violence Education (CAVE) Program at Clark University.
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