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	There's No Time like the Present to Teach Children about Sexual Abuse By Jamie Kunchick The Patch June 19, 2011 http://cranberry.patch.com/articles/theres-no-time-like-the-present-to-teach-children-about-sexual-abuse Call them what you wish -- pedophiles, sex offenders, or predators. They prey on children. Although we live in a wonderful, safe community in Cranberry Township, the sad truth is that they're here too. Did you know that the FBI estimates a sex offender lives within every square mile of the United States? Did you know that the FBI also estimates that one in 10 men has molested a child? Or that many molesters are able to abuse dozens of children before they are caught, and that there is only a 3 percent chance of them being apprehended? Horrified yet? I am. After learning this, I became curious about how safe my neighborhood is, so I went to the Megan's Law website. Not expecting to find a sex offender living near my home, I was aghast when I entered my address. There are six men listed as sex offenders within a 5-mile radius of my home. Their offenses varied from child molestation to incest. The discovery made my stomach turn. I kept going over the information again and again. I could not believe there are six men living near me who turned the worlds of innocent people upside down with sick and selfish acts. Six men who I may see in a grocery store or who may be behind me at the bank. Now I wonder if it's the appropriate time to talk to my 3-year-old daughter about child molestation. The FBI website said it's never to early to begin the conversation about pedophiles, but at age 3, is my daughter really capable of comprehending what I'm trying to tell her? Will I scare her from trusting others? Will she understand the difference between a teacher helping her to wipe her bottom after using the potty versus actual abuse? After more research on the Internet, I was deeply troubled that I didn't find a whole lot of what I would consider "quality" sources of information. Sure, Oprah and Dr. Phil have their advice about what to do keep our children from falling prey to an abuser, but I wanted my information to come from a trusted professional source. And no, Dr. Phil is not "it" when it comes to child safety. After some serious searching -- and I admit some irritation because it was so hard to find what I was looking for -- I found some good tips on how to begin the conversation with our children about abuse. According to the Center for Behavioral Intervention, a sex-offender treatment facility in Oregon, the best way to protect our children from an abuser is by talking to them. The center recommends the following: Talk openly with your children about sexual development, behavior and abuse. Use proper or semi-proper names for body parts, and use phrases that tell children that private parts are private and special. Urge your children to tell you or another trusted adult if anyone touches or tries to see their private parts; tries to get them to touch or look at another person's private parts,; shows them pictures or tries to take pictures of their private parts; talks to them about sex; walks in on them in the bathroom or does anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. Tell your children that some children and adults have touching problems. These people can make secret touching look accidental. Children should still tell you or a trusted adult even if they think the touching might have been an accident. Tell your children that touching problems are similar to stealing or lying. People who have these problems need special help so they don't continue to have problems or get into trouble. Don't describe the problem as a sickness. Tell your children that some people try to trick kids into keeping the touching a secret. Tell your children, "We don't want those kinds of secrets in our family." Give your children examples of things that someone might use to try to get them to keep a secret: candy, money, special privileges, threats, subtle fear of loss, separation or punishment, etc. Tell your children that touching another persons's private parts is not OK for children to do, or for adults to do with children. Tell them that you do not want them to do secret touching with other people, but that you will not be mad at them if they do come and tell you it has happened -- even if it has been happening a lot. Talk to your children about safety issues at least two or three times a year. Develop a family plan for answering the phone, fire safety, getting lost and secret touching. Play "what if?" games on a regular basis. Make sure they have support people they can talk to at home, at school and in their extended family, neighborhood or church. Have them pick out three people and tell you who they are. Put the phone numbers next to your phone and let them know that, if for any reason, they cannot talk to you, that they should call or go see one of those people.. Although this is great advice that I plan on using when I talk to my own daughter, I never did find an actual answer to my original question, which was: "At what age is it appropriate to talk to children about child molestation?" I guess the answer lies within us as parents. All children are different, and only their parents know the proper time to strike up that conversation. As I look at my daughter, sitting here so sweetly and blowing bubbles in her milk, I now feel the sooner the better. I doubt my daughter can grasp the complexities of the subject matter, but I know she understands right and wrong. Now that I've looked at the statistics, there is no way I'll send her out into this world without knowing what to do if someone tries to harm her. How sad is it that at age 3, my child must be armed with tools to keep her safe. It angers me to no end, but education and open communication about the facts of sexual abuse seem to be the only weapons I have in my arsenal against predators. I intend on using them.
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