BishopAccountability.org
	Broken Hearts for Shaken Catholics Philly Burbs April 11, 2011 http://www.phillyburbs.com/blogs/news_columnists/kate_fratti/broken-hearts-for-shaken-catholics/article_69755985-5f87-5549-b24b-8163b36b6410.html Last week, I shared with readers Greg DiStefano's story of abuse at the hands of a Catholic priest when he was just 6 years old. Much of what he shared is the torment he lives with today as he tries to get on with life. He's raising a son of his own now, is married and holds down a job. All of what he holds dear today is at risk if he cannot find his way out of the morass of pain he lives with. The anger, the confusion, the grief. He argues that the leaders of the Catholic Church have added to his suffering as an adult, not alleviated it. His rage is palpable. So is his grief. Greg invited me to meet with him in his therapist's office to tell of his experience, and so I went. I had not understood the depth of damage inflicted by abusers until I looked into his face and heard him sift through emotions that, at times, overwhelm him. The morning the column ran, I received an emailed thank-you note from David Clohessy, executive director of SNAP, the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests. He's at 7234 Arsenal St., St. Louis, MO 63143. He can be reached at 314-566-9790. He must have seen the column online. I was relieved to hear from him. These are dark waters to navigate. I wasn't sure I told Greg's story in a way that would honor his courage, and honor that of so many others whose lives were changed because people who had the power to keep them safe didn't do it, and because others with less power turned their faces away. Part of abuse victims' anger stems from the reaction to their stories. So few apologies. So much judgment. Mostly, for me, there were phone calls and emails from shaken Catholics. One woman called to say that she read Greg's story, wept and decided that moment at her kitchen table to cancel her donations to the Heritage of Faith fund. She's afraid her money could be used to defend pedophile priests for whom there is no defense. "I've been a Catholic 67 years," she said. "I'm shaken." Another woman wrote to say she's encouraged that Greg and others are finding outlets to tell their stories. "It's an important thing to detail just how the abuse took place so that people, especially Catholics, can really understand. And, you are right on target with your assessment that so many people could be healed and move on with their lives if the church would act with compassion and heartfelt contrition instead of the legal doubletalk and hypocrisy." A Yardley man had this to say: "I was raised a devout Catholic and can even remember walking to church on a Sunday morning in a blizzard because my dad could not move his car. I have to tell you that I have become very bitter toward the Catholic Church. ... We are supposed to confess our sins to sinners. "Each family in our parish was sent a letter asking to donate $5,000 per family. Are you kidding me with that amount of money in these hard times? Wonder what that money is being used for? I give the church money every week and that's where it stops," he added. "I have an aunt who is a nun and a cousin who is a priest and both are extremely upset about what's happening. The sad part is that it was probably going on much longer than what we thought; now, people are coming forward. You ended the article with 'if only the church would cry.' How about an apology also, but that won't happen. Catholic Church will never, ever be the same again." A Bensalem woman wrote, "I am a member of the Church for 49 years now, and very rocked by all of these allegations, which I am sure are true. I pray for these poor men who suffer every day of their lives, and for Greg." May they find compassion as they reclaim their personal power and build some peace of mind as they attempt to embrace the remainder of their lives. Kate Fratti's column appears on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
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