BishopAccountability.org
	Former Priest's View: after Clergy Sexual Abuse, Healing Might Occur outside the Courtroom By Tom Esch Duluth News Tribune March 15, 2011 http://www.duluthnewstribune.com/event/article/id/193859/group/Opinion/ Some time ago I did some dreaming. This was after a friend called about an emerging story of possible sexual abuse by a person affiliated with the Catholic Church. Knowing my background and training, my friend asked if I could help. She wondered if I could support her in creating a new outcome to an old story. She asked if I could help facilitate a conversation between those abused and those who did the abusing, or their representatives. It would be something akin to restorative justice, she said. I was willing. And still would be. Because we have seen this story before. If accusations are true, a catastrophe is packed with shame and grief and agony and many painful ripples. Almost more than anyone can bear. Someone with religious rank takes sexual advantage of someone younger and/or less powerful. When we hear these stories we hope the accused never did the things some say they did. Sometimes the tales are fictitious. Too often the stories are true. Often when allegations are made, and people who were abused finally come forward, most of us feel the only recourse is the court of law. So we get into a vehicle that moves down the well-worn road of litigation. Lawyers may recommend no one talk to anyone. Too often the institutions, attempting to minimize damage, respond with fear and silent denial. Too often survivor/victims feel paralyzed by shame and anger and understandably are slow to find the power of their voice. When they do it is an unimaginable act of courage. Too often when litigation ends the justice feels hollow for both sides. The closure everyone longs for is not really closure but just the ending of another chapter in a long book of unhealed suffering. I am not against lawyers and courtrooms and judges. There are many times when due process is absolutely necessary to create justice by holding individuals and institutions accountable for both their transgressions and their omissions. I just wonder how much healing happens in the process of litigation during cases like this. Do victim/survivors feel the legal process was worthwhile? Do those accused have a way to admit wrongs and do something productively penitential? What if both sides went down a different road, in a different vehicle? What if the interest in healing was as strong as the interest in justice? What if a few people were willing to dream a new dream and then act to see it become real? What if both sides gathered in a circle with uniquely skilled facilitators to speak with each other? What would happen if people on the side of the accused privately acknowledged with real awareness, actual compassion and genuine sorrow the depth of pain they caused? And then shared what they have done since to grow their ability to protect people who are vulnerable? What if they were able to tell their side of the story and what they learned from it? And what if people who were abused, and their friends, were able to tell their side of the story — their anger, their grief, their untold pain — in a protected and sacred space? What if all this happened in a place filled with enough elder energy to provide a balm to the suffering? Do you believe it would it be more healing and less expensive than what tends to happen in courtrooms? If so, when do we start? If not, what can be changed to make the process more healing and less expensive? I am not completely naïve. This dream, this work, is intense and wrought with potholes and troubles we can't even imagine. But I am willing to dream. Dreaming is the first step. Tom Esch of South Minneapolis is a former Catholic priest who works as a facilitator and mediator and as a construction supply salesman. He has a master's degree in divinity from the University of Notre Dame, completed mediation training at Hamline University and "Conflict Facilitation & Organizational Change" via the Process Work Institute of Portland, Ore.
Any original material on these pages is copyright © BishopAccountability.org 2004. Reproduce freely with attribution.