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	Missing Guru Will Probably Show up in a Wristband at South by Southwest By John Kelso The Statesman March 13, 2011 http://www.statesman.com/news/local/missing-guru-will-probably-show-up-in-a-1317088.html Where's the guru? No, that's not a new app on your iPhone. That's the question perplexing the cops around these parts, now that Prakashanand Saraswati, the former spiritual leader out at Barsana Dham temple near the Salt Lick Barbecue in Driftwood, has jumped bail and turned up missing. So I guess you could say he done scrammed from Barsana Dham. I'll give a week's supply of patchouli oil to and fluff the aura of any of you readers who can find the missing guru. The guru is the subject of an intensive search since he didn't show up for court. You know, that'll do it every time. On Tuesday, Hays County jurors sentenced the swami to 14 years in prison for each of 20 counts of molesting two girls. So the question of the day is, where is the old goat? My guess is that he's wearing a wristband and he's headed for South by Southwest. The guru disappears, and South by starts. Is this a coinkeedink? I don't think so. South by cranks up, and the guru blends in with all the freaks who've come to town. I mean, you and I know the guru isn't out at the Star of Texas Fair and Rodeo trying to score Ronnie Milsap tickets. So I'm saying he'll soon be in line at some club in the Warehouse District waiting to see a Finnish grunge band. So look for an 82-year-old guru in orange robes and a "Keep Austin Weird" shirt. Then again, he's probably changed clothes by now and gotten a mullet. One assumes he has enough sense to lose the robe. Anybody tossing rose petals around while shopping at Walmart is going to draw suspicion. Early last week, the rumor was that the guru had been detained in Oklahoma. What are you? Crazy? How many times have you heard of gurus holing up in Oklahoma? The only people who run off to Oklahoma are Texas Democrats skipping out on the Legislature and Texas high school running backs. I doubt if gurus ever convene in Oklahoma. I called the Rodeway Inn in Ardmore, Okla., and asked Jennifer Earley, the director of sales, if her motel had ever had a guru convention. She said no, because their meeting room is too small. "It only holds a capacity of 55 people, and that's without tables and chairs," she said. "With tables and chairs, we could probably hold up to 30. We normally hold small wedding receptions, baby showers, small family reunions, things of that nature." I told her about the guru skipping bail. "Do you happen to have a name that we could look up in our system?" she said. I gave her the name, and she couldn't find him. "That name doesn't even ring a bell," she said. Still, Oklahoma would be a great place for the guru to hide out, wouldn't it? Put him in a Sooner shirt and a pair of Dickies, and he could go to the local bingo game and meld right in with the rest of the crowd. There are skeptics who say the authorities are hoping the guru doesn't get caught. For one thing, we're talking the possibility of ?$11 million for Hays County if he doesn't turn up. Peter Spiegel, a Barsana Dham officer, put up $1 million for the guru's bond and signed a $10 million indemnity agreement. So if the guru continues to skate, this could mean ?$11 million for the county, kind of like a surprise rainy day fund. Also, it isn't exactly going to be a barrel of fun putting an old guy in the can who is beloved by thousands of followers. That much incense burning in the jailhouse lobby on visitors' day is liable to screw up the air ducts. Another place the cops shouldn't bother to look for the guru is up at the NASCAR races in Fort Worth. I've never known a guru who had his own NASCAR. That's why you never hear of a car known as the Gurumobile. John Kelso's columns appear on Fridays and Sundays. Contact him at jkelso@statesman.com or 445-3606.
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