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	Victims and Survivors Don't Heal By Dr. Jaime Romo Healing and Spirituality March 8, 2011 http://www.jaimeromo.com/blog/archives/352 "Victim/survivors do not "heal". All the victim/survivors that I have emailed in the last nine years will never "heal". What I am able to say is that they are still alive. No answer needed." That's what the e-mail said. I was struck by the certainty in that statement. And I do need to respond, as I hope that people everywhere will answer in their own ways that are effective and clear. We all need to communicate that wrong has been done and we will change the environments and our practices, particularly in dealing with survivors who come forward, to make sure that abuse ends, that it never happens again. I can appreciate, from a victim or survivor state, that not healing seems to be the case. In that part of the process, it may not feel or seem possible to regain our past sense of self before we were traumatized or re-traumatized by others (or ourselves in the present), let alone be better, healthier and happier than we have ever been. In that state, the self fulfilling prophesy makes sense. In that state, I can see how tempting (and real sounding) it is to offer a corollary: churchgoers never become part of the solution to ending sexual abuse and promoting healing. I no longer have that kind of certainty. My experience tells me that it is difficult to heal when there are so many bad examples of people covering up and minimizing abuse, trying to move on too quickly before really addressing, assessing, grieving, and holding people accountable for abuse. It is the breakthroughs in the domestic legal arena (as well as international) that have given some survivors a bittersweet satisfaction or sense of validation of what survivors know. Each case is data that religious institutions are corrupt or that 'reform has failed,' and validates what survivors have been saying for years. I know that there many good people within religious institutions who struggle with this incompetency or lack of will to bring healing and transformation throughout the institutions. Last week, one person responded to my blog and offered a perspective of the difficulty of working from 'the inside.' I appreciate such struggle. I do believe that when survivors and supporters work individually and most powerfully together, that everyone can be freed up. There are still millions of people involved in criminal, despicable behavior: sexual abuse of children and vulnerable adults. Child sexual abuse, particularly in the giant sex trafficking industry, is evidence of our collective failure to heal. This trafficking epidemic could be a common project for all survivors and potential supporters to take on. For both groups, it would mean a kind of cleaning house. For survivors, it would mean being freed up enough that we could be resources for others with our experiences, hope and strength rather than recycling those experiences and projecting them onto others who are just coming out of that experience or onto those who seem oblivious or passive to this problem. Others need us to heal. For churchgoers who would be supporters, it would mean holding those accountable for abuse and taking responsibility for perhaps passive perpetuation of past abuse, before you could be credible. To show solidarity, you would have to radically confront those who have been abusive through their power and privilege and create spaces for all victims to be in conversation or bring their voices and be part of the solutions in your settings. Perhaps a next step for you is to learn about the trafficking industry (e.g., Playground); perhaps it is to take action and support a group like GEMS. From whatever side of the abuse formula we stand, we have transforming work to do. I know in my bones, because of where I have been and who I am becoming, that healing is real. However, I don't think that ending sexual abuse everywhere is possible if it is not ended and transformed in religious settings. Jaime Romo, Ed.D. works with survivors, supporters, and parents to protect children from abuse and live and learn in healthy environments. His most recent books are: "Healing the Sexually Abused Heart: A Workbook for Survivors, Thrivers, and Supporters;" "Parents Preventing Abuse;" and "Teachers Preventing Abuse." For more information, see http://www.jaimeromo.com
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