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	Activists Have Lost Their Minds and Rightly So Healing and Spirituality March 1, 2011 http://www.jaimeromo.com/blog/archives/348 Recently, as a member of a Church Vitality Team, I called several ministers to hold a listening session, and find out what they were doing and needing in order to have a vital, healthy environment, and find out how the Church Vitality Team could help them and their members with coaching, consulting, or special presentations—whatever would help them to grow into the healthy community, the change they wanted to see in the world, maybe even the kind of place that would be safe and healing for the many people who have experienced some kind of abuse and have never brought that forward in a church, of all places, to be healed. I was surprised at one of the pastors’ response. He said, ‘I’ve heard your presentation and I’m not interested.’ (I have led short presentations and written several articles about preventing and dealing directly with abuse.) I let him know that I was calling on behalf of the Church Vitality Team. He hung up. When I called back, I said, ‘Maybe there’s a misunderstanding. I’m calling on behalf of the Vitality Team.’ He proceeded to tell me what he thought of me—that he perceived that I was working out my own issues and that I needed therapy. And then he hung up again. Here’s some background. Years ago, I studied in a Catholic seminary for priesthood. I was zealous, dogmatic, and completely disconnected from my own childhood abuse by my pastor and his friend. After I left the seminary to find a different kind of community, I worked as an advocate for kids, equity and social justice through education, as a K-12 teacher, administrator and then teacher educator. I lost my mind the first time in 2002, when buried memories broke through and took over every aspect of my life. I’ve been through a profound transformation since then. So much of a transformation that I have now taken up a unique role in the country (I believe) called, Commissioned Minister for Healing and Healthy Environments. Now, I reach out to help churchgoers and ministers prevent abuse, to be agents of healing for all, whenever and however others’ abuse happened. It seems to me that denial about abuse or the state of dying churches, even in progressive churches, is alive and well. That’s really not a surprise, just disappointing. The reality is: * 1 out of 4 girls, 1 out of 6 boys will be sexually abused by their 18th birthday (Finkelhor); * The rate of child abuse is 10 times the rate of cancer (Sadler); * Ninety-three percent of sex offenders describe themselves as “religious” (Abel); * Hard core offenders maintaining significant involvement with religious institutions “had more sexual offense convictions, more victims, and younger victims” Eshuys & Smallbone, Religious Affiliations Among Adult Sexual Offenders (2006); * In a survey of 2,864 church leaders, 20% knew of a sex offender attending/member of their church (Christianity Today 2010); * Many victims suffer significant spiritual damage; * Seminarians, ministers, and congregational leaders are not prepared for offenders or victims. Rather than personalizing my experience with the minister, I can see it as useful. It reflects a false dichotomy (as if we are enemies) and points to the splitting that comes from denial and projection. This pastor’s behavior represents the way so many in society make a systemic issue into a personal issue. But to his points, I think that anyone who takes up this topic has, in a sense, lost her mind. Advocates, myself included, are dealing with spiritual kryptonite, fire, toxic material in the subject of Religious Authority Sexual Abuse. Because we work with that, I encourage all advocates to practice self care: physical, emotional and spiritual in order to effectively deal with the work that needs to be done rather than project our own woundedness into the work. This idea is summed up in a line that I remember from an otherwise awful movie, “Hurt people hurt people.” It reflects the dynamic illustrated in the classic, ‘12 Angry Men,’ where one character projected his feeling of rejection and bitterness into this role as a juror—and then the powerful conclusion that once he recognized his own pain, he could take up his role appropriately. Advocates to promote healing and end abuse are creative malcontents, as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. described. I think that’s what is leading criminal charges against Pope Benedict for crimes against humanity. I believe that’s what inspires others like Victor Vieth, Executive Director of the National Child Protection Training Center to envision a country without abuse. I hope that all of us will take care of ourselves, so that as healed people, we can be healing people. I continue to be hopeful that denial and reactions by religious authorities are the beginning of a longer conversation and not the end of the story. And for those who would hang up and blame others for naming a disease and offering a remedy, there is clearly much work that needs to be done. Dr. Jaime Romo is a Commissioned Minister for Healing and Healthy Environments in the United Church of Christ. He earned a Doctorate in Educational Leadership from the University of San Diego in 1998. He is a certified Primordial Sound Meditation Instructor with the Chopra Center for Wellbeing, and is a certified consultant with the A.K. Rice Institute for the Study of Social Systems. His most recent books are: “Healing the Sexually Abused Heart: A Workbook for Survivors, Thrivers, and Supporters;” “Parents Preventing Abuse;” and “Teachers Preventing Abuse.”
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