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	Guest Viewpoint: Goldschmidt Case Shows Need to Openly Address Sexual Abuse By Gary Crum The Register-Guard February 15, 2011 http://www.registerguard.com/csp/cms/sites/web/opinion/25890396-47/sexual-abuse-victims-victim-relationships.csp The death, at age 49, of the victim of Neil Goldschmidt's sexual abuse has engendered articles (Register-­Guard, Feb. 13) and commentaries relating to this particular case and sexual abuse in general. Such discussion exposes many of the myths and misunderstandings relating to sexual abuse, and it highlights our cultural discomfort when addressing the issue. Usually, it seems we first deny that such a "good" man would engage in such despicable acts: "Why, he's an upstanding teacher, coach, priest, counselor, neighbor, friend, stepfather, uncle or grandfather, and would never do such a thing!" It's simply "unthinkable." We often accuse the victim of lying to hurt someone who has been "so good" to her or him. Then, if those accusations are established as fact, we shift to defend the involved adult as the "victim" of a "vixen seductress." It's not an unfair assessment to suggest that frequently our reaction to cases of such sexual abuse and our treatment of the victims of that abuse exacerbate the damage suffered by the juvenile victim. Sexual victimization all too frequently dominates the future life of the victim. Virtually all male sex offenders were first victims of sexual abuse. Moreover, most male victimization is homosexual abuse, and victims face issues of sexual identity as well as victimization. Not all victims of sexual abuse become offenders. But without extensive counseling and therapy, the probability of future offending behavior is depressingly high. When victims receive such help before they become offenders themselves, the prognosis is hopeful. However, all long-term studies of male sexual offender treatment demonstrate a disturbingly high level of recidivism once a victim becomes an offender himself. Early intervention is absolutely crucial for the well-being of the victim. Female victims frequently develop a "victim's stance," viewing themselves as having no real control of their lives and their relationships with males. They often become sexually manipulative and seductive in relating to men. Their victimization was based on a trust relationship with an adult male who had the controlling role in that relationship. They learned to accept their subservient role and, without extensive therapy to change that worldview, they will repeat the same kind of relationships throughout their lives. Their offender controlled their relationship, treated them as a sex object and in many different ways rewarded them for accepting such a role. In turn, they learned a very perverted idea of relationships and of sexual behavior's role in relationships. Successful counseling and therapy of victims centers on a redefinition of self. "Yes, I was a victim. Yes, someone I trusted took advantage of that trust. No, it was not my fault. No, I didn't ask for it to happen." Then, most importantly, "No, I do not have to continue to be a victim. Yes, I am a worthwhile person with far more to offer to a relationship than sexual favor. Yes, I can develop healthy, mutually trusting relationships with men." Such therapy often involves both group and individual counseling. It often is an extensive and painful process. Sexual abuse and victimization is a major issue in our society and tremendously damages the lives of young victims. We must be vigilant in helping young people avoid becoming such victims. Those of us in trust relationships with young people must recognize the damage we inflict if we engage in such behavior. We must be diligent to develop healthy relationships with young people. Organizations working with young people must have frank discussions with their employees and volunteers to help them understand these issues. Policies, guidelines and support systems must be developed to help adults develop and maintain healthy relationships with their students, players, youth group members or whatever. We read all too frequently of cases of "responsible" adults becoming sexually involved with minors. The young people are injured and, almost inevitably, the adults' lives (and the lives of everyone around them) are extensively damaged: Teaching, coaching and other careers are ended, prison sentences are served, marriages and families are broken, and individuals are branded as "sex offenders" for the rest of their lives. Both the victim and the perpetrator of sexual abuse pay a huge price for the behavior. We need to understand the nature of the problem, to work with the victims and, in my opinion, especially to educate and counsel adults to help them avoid becoming the next Neil Goldschmidt. Gary Crum of Junction City worked for nine years in Riverside, Calif., and Corvallis as a teacher and counselor in residential treatment programs for victims of sexual abuse.
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