BishopAccountability.org
	Close Religious Authority Sexual Abuse Island By Dr. Jaime Romo Healing and Spirituality November 15, 2010 http://www.jaimeromo.com/blog/archives/321 I give platelets every month; I'm in the 10 gallon blood donor club at this point. And even there, when doing something good, the subject and memories of Religious Authority Sexual Abuse (RASA) come up. The process takes about an hour, so as I was being hooked up to the machine the nurse and I discussed which movies to watch: Hurt Locker, Avatar, or escape movies like Hot Tub Time Machine. We talked about Shutter Island, whose premise is that a detective experienced a profound psychological split in order to cope with the overwhelming pain from his wife killing their children. He lived in an imaginary world where he didn't have to deal with that reality. The nurse shared how she had worked with a colleague for 15 years and had always believed that she was taller. She recently measured and found out that she was shorter and we laughed that she continued to defend her denial and belief that she was taller. Compare this to RASA. It is understandable that people, in order to deal with the profound trauma of having a representative of God rape, sodomize, tie up, defile, humiliate them (see video interviews from San Diego diocese), people dissociate. It may be years before someone can deal with such painful or shameful experiences. It is extraordinarily difficult to hold onto those kinds of memories, reintegrate them into our lives and transform the suffering to pain to healing. Perhaps the Oprah show and the San Diego diocesan disclosure of some files (thanks to the relentless efforts of survivors) are signs that we are more ready as a society to deal with this overwhelming and shameful reality. I guess we'll know when we see constructive responses (i.e., individual and institutional disclosure and outreach to survivors) to this information. I chose a silly movie. Perhaps because I was suddenly fixed on one of the questions in the questionnaire that donors fill out before giving blood. Among the many questions about medications or drugs taken, to which I always answer 'no,' and the questions about tattoos and illnesses, to which I always answer 'no,' is 'Have you ever had sexual contact with a male, even once?' I have always answered no, but there, connected to the machine, watching my platelets climb up the tube into the plastic bag, I realized that my sexual abuse by my pastor has always been there. Maybe I never considered it because that was done to me as a child; or was it something I didn't just didn't want to explain to nurses every time I went to do something good, like donating platelets? It was unconscious, even though I have been involved in recovery for years. Lots of people forget ordinary things. When I went over the questionnaire with the intake nurse, we talked about the question about giving blood under a different name and the fact that she asked me to repeat my name. She explained that some people mis-hear and come to the screening room when someone else's name has been called. She gave several examples of people forgetting that they had started a file 20 years earlier before being married and changing names. It is no wonder that some survivors do not remember their abuse for years or choose to not disclose because of the pain and shame associated with it. Even something done to help other people, something that may seem completely unrelated to sexual abuse, can trigger a new memory or layer of shame linked to RASA. That's my experience, and I believe that it is also a reality for many survivors: we are reminded in many ways of our abuse or past trauma. The challenge or choice or difference is how we respond. Like Shutter Island, dissociating? Like Hurt Locker, addicted to the crisis and trauma? Like Avatar, joining with others to end abuse? I didn't see the whole movie, Hot Tub Time Machine, which is something that I wouldn't have paid to see, and I didn't listen to much of it, but I get the idea that it was about people who regret their present and toy with the fantasy that if they could change the past that they would be happier. But we can't change the past. Like it or not, it makes us who we are today. And we can't deny or ignore it. Socrates said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living.' A corollary is that if the unexamined life is not worth living, then the unexamined past is not worth having. So, would-be supporters, if you believe that life is worth living then you must examine present and past events and take action to end abuse. Read the Bishop Accountability lists of the San Diego files (and more) and then do something constructive to promote healing and end abuse: demand accountability from church leaders and followers; re-direct time, talent, and treasure to support survivors; oppose promotions for bishops that protected abusive clergy instead of children; work to overturn Statutes of Limitations for child sexual abuse. Do something to close RASA island. Jaime Romo, Ed.D. , is the author of "Healing the Sexually Abused Heart: A Workbook for Survivors, Thrivers, and Supporters" and "Parents Preventing Abuse"
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