BishopAccountability.org
	Priests Respond to Sex Abuse Victims WISN November 12, 2010 http://www.wisn.com/r/25747218/detail.html [with video] Next week, Roman Catholic cardinals from all over the world will meet at the Vatican to discuss the clergy sex abuse scandal. But in southeastern Wisconsin, a new way to respond to the crisis has emerged and it comes from an unlikely source: priests and victims working together. On a cold and blustery November day, a woman visits her son at a place no parent should ever have to go to see their child: a cemetery. "It's been a very, very difficult journey for our whole family," said Carol, who did not want her last name or location used. But Carol is comforted at the cemetery because it offered clues as to why he died. She believes her son, Steve, took his own life after being abused by a priest. "Something happened that he couldn't live with and he couldn't talk about," she said. While Steve has been silenced, Carol tries to be his voice. And it's because of him and the other victims that she attends a service unlike any the Catholic church has ever seen. It is a service borne of frustration. "We're embarrassed, too, by the way the church has reacted or not reacted," said Father Jim Connell. "That's not us." Web Extra: Abuse Victims, Priests Hold Healing Vigils Together Connell is talking about the clergy sex abuse scandal that destroyed lives and rocked the Catholic church. Some priests, including Connell, felt there had to be another way to respond to the question he kept hearing from survivors and their supporters: Where have all the good priests been throughout it all? "Where have they been?" Connell asked. "Why aren't they out with us? Why aren't they praying with us? Journeying with us? I find that extremely challenging and embarrassing, yet most appropriate." So last year, he and a friend, Father Jeff Haines, created a group whose focus is to support victims. Recently, Haines hosted a prayer vigil at his parish, St. Francis Cabrini in West Bend. "Tonight's vigil and prayer then is an attempt on our part, joined by you, to reach out with compassion and love," Haines explained as he welcomed about two dozen people to the school gym. This was the fifth such vigil this year and the first time a news camera was allowed inside. "I'm most grateful for your presence here this evening," Haines told the group. He explained why the service had to be held in the school gym and not the church: It was too painful -- the result of substantiated abuse claims against the founding pastor years ago. "There are not only people who will not come inside the church building," Haines said. "Some in this community find it difficult to drive past the church building and the rectory where the pastor lived." They allowed 12 News to record part of the hour-long service as long as we didn't reveal the faces and comments of those in the audience. But one spoke with us afterward. "The people in the pew are angry, hurting and horrified," said Jan Ruidl. "They're in terrible pain because of this." Ruidl knows this because she's an administrator at St. John Nepomuk Parish in Racine, which once housed an abusive priest. It's also because she herself says she was a victim, having been abused by her parish priest in Massachusetts when she was teenager. "He told me he was going to leave the priesthood," Ruidl said. "He wanted to marry me. I was just a needy kid that needed someone to care about me." Despite what's happened, Ruidl doesn't reject the church. In fact, she's on Connell's vigil committee. "I think what's important is that people recognize you can be healed and that there are people in the church that really do care," Ruidl said. For Connell, it's all about shedding light and letting victims know the good priests haven't forgotten them. "There's a flicker of hope," he said. "And we don't want to do anything to harm that flicker of hope." Carol, whose son committed suicide, was at the vigil that night. "I think this shows the clergy trying, maybe not understanding completely, but at least trying to journey with victims," Carol said. For years, she wondered why her son Steve took his life at age 18 in 1986. The answers eventually came at the cemetery. "Someone was visiting Steve's grave at the cemetery for 13 and a half years," Carol said. "We had no idea who this was." Whoever it was left behind wreaths and flowers. "It would appear this person was visiting the cemetery even more frequently than we were," Carol said. So she and her husband left notes asking the mystery visitor to reveal an identity. Finally, he did. He had been a priest at Steve's high school. Though he denied abusing Steve, this priest did have other substantiated allegations of abuse against him. That revelation -- and the scandal as a whole -- were staggering to Carol. "I'm so appalled by what has occurred," she said. "In protecting the abuser and the good name of the church, look how many people were harmed." Some were harmed and silent; others were harmed but finding the voice to heal. These vigils are open to anyone who wants to come, especially survivors and those who support them. The next one is set for Sunday, Nov. 14, at St. John Nepomuk in Racine at 1903 Green St. at 2 p.m. Though this effort comes from the priests, it is supported by the Archdiocese of Milwaukee. Its victim assistance coordinator worked with the priests to connect them with survivors. With survivors' input, the priests decided these vigils would be a good way to respond. More are planned for next year.
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