My Trip to Rome, by David Lorenz, MN SNAP, November 11, 2010

My Trip to Rome

By David Lorenz
MN SNAP
November 11, 2010

http://mnsnap.wordpress.com/2162-2/

[with video]

We (wife Judy and daughter Erin) were in Rome for a grand total of 3.5 days. During the first few days we tried to acclimate ourselves to the country and the time change while getting a little sight seeing in before the big event. (We did manage to go to the Sistine Chapel and museum, the coliseum, the forum, and the Palatino). We tried to take a side trip to Assisi but that was a miserable failure and we did not get to go there.

On Sunday morning we woke up and went to a meeting place where everyone was supposed to gather for a news conference. As it turned out, it was a block away from the Panthenon. We arrived early and were somewhat uncertain of where we should be or what room in the building we were supposed to be in. We did know it was on the 3rd floor. (By this time I had come to realize that the ground floors in Rome are the 0th floor.) As we entered the building we passed a group of people that were standing outside the building and I noticed that they were deaf and signing to each other but it made very little impression on me. Climbing to the 3rd floor we only found one door and it was locked so we sat on the steps and waited with another couple from Britain. Then we heard what seemed like a large group of people climbing the stairs and they stopped at the 3rd floor and tried the door which was locked. The lead person stopped and turned back to the others and began to sign – they were the deaf group I saw entering the building. I tried to ask them what they were looking for but quickly realized it was futile. It was then that I remembered, vaguely, that there might be a group of deaf survivors from Italy attending the session so I opened my jacket and showed them the shirt I was wearing which said "ENOUGH". That seemed to strike a chord with the leader and he pulled out a shirt from his bag which had a lot of Italian written on it. I was lost on what to do with it. Then my daughter, Erin, noticed that the last 2 words said "PedoFili" – pedophile. We were with friends and vice versa and an instant bond formed. Shortly after that someone with a key came and opened the door. We were shuttled to a large room where the press conference would be and we tried to communicate with the deaf community. I asked them to put on the shirt they showed us so I could take a picture and this was met with unbelievable enthusiasm. They wanted to show anyone who would listen to why they were there. The back of the shirts have, what I believe is the passage from Matthew 18,6 "But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea."

Before the press conference we were given a chance to tell our story as best we could. Sue Cox from England gave her story which moved me to tears. When she was a young girl, she was raped by a priest who was a friend of the family. Following that she turned to alcohol for relief from the torment. At the age of 36, she finally got on the wagon with the help of AA. She did not tell anyone of her abuse until she was 61. She feels that this is the last step in her healing. Someone from the deaf community asked, through multiple translators, if she had told her parents. She stated that her mother walked into the room during the rape and then left. Following the rape, her Mother told her that she had to pray for the priest … that was it! I couldn't believe my ears but that, in a nutshell, is one large part of the problem. We were raised to believe that clerics were above us all, whatever they do or say is above reproach, we accept it without question and even if it is something so egregious as the rape of your daughter, you accept it and pray for the priest.

The Catholic Church will never heal from this problem so long as there are laity who accept, without question, any action or statement from a cleric. The laity needs to view the clergy with the same critical eye that they would any other person. We don't have to treat them like pariah, just the same critical fview that I have with even my friends and relatives. I don't accept everything even my most trusted friends say or do. Why would anyone treat a priest as if they were infallible? The hierarchy encourages this type of idealization and this just makes it worse. The hierarchy needs to actively dissuade the laity from having this type of flawed view of clergy and this needs to come from the Pope on down.

We began the press conference with Gary and Bernie giving a great briefing and then turning the mic over to anyone who wanted it. Several woman from various countries went to the table and told their story. They were Sue Cox, Shelly Winemiller, & Paolo. I was offered a chance to talk but felt like my story paled in comparison to theirs and also I wanted the press to see that woman are the unseen face of those abused. Following them, some from the deaf community tentatively got up to tell their story. It was sometimes difficult to understand because of the translation from sign to Italian to English but the hurt and anguish that they suffered was always crystal clear by their expressions and the demonstration of their gestures. For the first time in their lives these survivors were speaking out about their abuse. As more came forward, you could see that the others began to feel that they were in a safe place and could tell their story without retribution. After a few stories, it seemed that every one of them wanted to stand before the press and express themselves. Although most of the press left after about an hour, one camera stayed and we listened to them for 4 hours. I didn't always understand what they said but I understood what they meant and I saw the fear and guilt subside from them – A truly healing moment for many of them.

I also realized just how difficult it still is for some victims to come forward and how much more so in a country like Italy where no one is allowed to criticize the Catholic Church and the police protect the Vatican from any scandal. Because of requests for interviews by the press I could not watch the entire event but as soon as I was finished, my attention would return to these deaf people from Verona. I was taken by their overwhelming desire to publicly share their story and need to be validated by someone … anyone. They wanted to be believed after living in denial and secrecy for years and decades. They wanted the Church hierarchy to hear and feel what they had to say but they turned away and refused to listen.

After the press conference, there was a 2 hour break and then the meeting/ rally at Castel San Angelo – 500 meters from the entrance to the Vatican. We were expecting that the people from Verona would be there but discovered that they were leaving. They had to leave because they only had enough money to hire the bus for one day. If they stayed any longer, they would get home late and would have to pay for an extra day. They travelled all night long and were not able to stay for the main event! A quick appeal to the other people in the room and within 5 minutes the 1000.00 Euros were raised to allow them to stay. Again – too bad the Church could not provide the funds to allow these people to speak out for the injustices committed to them in the name of the Church.

Two hours later Judy, Erin & I were walking up to Castel San Angelo wondering how we might find the meeting point for the rally. Despite the fact that the place is two city blocks around, it wasn't hard to find with all of the television lights, cameras and reporters … and the people from Verona. How great it was to see them. As we approached the rally point which was directly down the street from the entrance to Saint Peter's square, we saw a line of Italian police standing in a way so as to block our path to Saint Peter's. There were about 30 of them. It became clear to me in that moment that they were not there because of any policy of the city of Rome but were there at the request of the Vatican. They were in the pocket of the Vatican and were there to intimidate us. I realized how much farther the tentacles of the Church reach in Rome – they dictate to city hall and to the Italian government

I talked to a few reporters, mostly casual conversation. I was told by one reporter that this was the largest assembly of press that she had seen for any survivor event. Bernie, Gary, and Tom all gave talks as the cameras were rolling and reporters took notes. We lit candles and observed a moment of silence for all the victims of abuse who had taken their lives over the decades because of the shame and guilt that they felt. The shame heaped upon them because people told them that Father so and so was a holy man. The shame heaped upon them because entire communities turned on them because they accused a priest of abuse. Guilt because the perpetrator and their protectors, the bishops, made them feel responsible for what had happened. These people took their lives because they could no longer take it … if only the Church had reached out to them and offered consolation instead of obstacles, counseling instead of denial, relief instead of counter accusations. It was a very moving experience for me because I always think of how lucky I have had it to have been given support, not necessarily from the Church hierarchy, but from the Church community to whom I first told of my abuse. Later, as I became more public about what had happened to me and began to advocate for greater change and accountability. People in my own parish began to treat me as the enemy, even going so far as to call me a liar. They said the problem wasn't that bad and it's only in America – repeating the mantra of the Vatican. Well that was in 2003 and now we find out it is worldwide and regardless of his own culpability, Benedict knew the problem was in Germany back in 1980. Yet he initiated the statement as head of the CDF – it is only an American problem.