By Colette M. Jenkins
Beacon Journal
November 4, 2010
http://www.ohio.com/news/106671148.html
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| Current photo of David Darr, formerly of Akron, who was sexaully abused as a child. Darr is among the 200 men who will appear on the Oprah Winfrey show to collectively say they are survivors of childhood sexual abuse. |
David Darr still carries the scars of his childhood abuse.
"Although I am not in turmoil about it anymore, underneath the surface, all the issues are still there," said Darr, 61. "I don't expect to ever have complete healing, and I don't expect complete justice either. But since I have been able to talk about it and work through it in years of therapy, I have a freedom from all the anger, shame, humiliation, depression and secrecy."
Darr, an Akron native, is among the 200 men who will appear Friday on the Oprah Winfrey Show (4 p.m. WEWS-TV, Channel 5) to collectively say that they are survivors of childhood sexual abuse. The show is the first of two, the other airing on Nov. 12, dedicated to raising awareness about male sexual
abuse.
Each of the 200 men in the audience will hold a photo of himself at the age when he says he was first abused, according to information released by Harpo Productions. The Friday episode will feature filmmaker Tyler Perry and a psychologist who works with male sexual abuse survivors. During the second show, some of the men — along with their spouses, partners or girlfriends — will discuss the effect the abuse has had on their relationships.
Survivors, like Darr, will be part of a montage at the beginning of the first show, featuring men in the audience sharing who they are.
"There are as many stories as there are members of the audience. Because of time restraints, everybody couldn't tell their story, but we all have a lot in common," Darr said. "I am very proud to be one of the men giving voice to this issue and helping to open up the dialogue about a widespread problem that has been veiled in secrecy for too long."
According to research from the University of Massachusetts in Boston, one in six men is sexually abused before the age of 16 and many never divulge it. Jim Hopper, a researcher, therapist and instructor in psychology at Harvard Medical School, characterizes the estimate as conservative.
Harrowing childhood
Darr was molested when he was 7 years old by a missionary colleague of his parents in the Kayes region of Mali in West Africa. The man had come to stay with the family during a visit and because of the limited amount of sleeping space, Darr was required to sleep in the same bed with him.
"He fondled me the first night and the next night it happened again. I didn't know what to do or say," Darr said. "I remember bursting into tears and my father was upset with me. Boys are supposed to be tough — they're not supposed to cry. The message to me was I couldn't talk about it and I wasn't supposed to show emotion."
It wasn't until 40 years later that Darr's father discovered the source of his son's tears. Darr sued his perpetrator, but the lawsuit was dismissed because the incident occurred on foreign soil and the statute of limitations had expired.
"Even though nothing could be done in court, the fact that I was fighting back opened up my life. The secrecy was gone," said Darr, who earned his undergraduate degree in chemistry at the University of Akron and is currently a graduate student in education at Ohio State University.
Unfortunately for Darr, his childhood abuse didn't end with the sexual molestation. He and his siblings —John, Richard and Dianne [Couts] — experienced and witnessed sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse while attending a parochial boarding school for missionary kids whose parents were stationed in remote outposts throughout West Africa.
Their parents, the late Dick and Anne Darr, were sent out from Akron's Goss Memorial Church to the mission field in Africa in the 1950s. The couple's work also was supported by The Chapel, Northampton Baptist Church, Community Church of Portage Lakes and other local churches and individuals.
The Darr siblings, who grew up in Akron and lived in the Kenmore area, experienced and witnessed rapes; beatings with the buckle-end of belts that left children bloody; and the humiliation of wetting and soiling their clothes because missionaries running the school would not permit them to use the bathroom.
Their parents, and other missionary parents, said they had no knowledge of abuse that was going on at the Mamou Alliance Academy in Guinea. The school was run by the Colorado Springs-based evangelical Christian and Missionary Alliance.
Allegations of abuse
As adults, Mamou alumni began uncovering repressed trauma and reporting the abuse to the alliance that ran the school in the late 1980s. The church, however, did not act until David Darr, his siblings and other alumni participated in a public protest at an annual meeting of the denomination in 1995 in Pittsburgh.
The alliance appointed a commission to investigate the allegations, and discovered horrific acts of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. The commission's report was the first of its kind regarding sexual abuse in evangelical circles. The alliance issued an apology to the victims and their parents.
Last year, a documentary film that gives voice to those who were abused at the boarding school premiered in Ohio at Goss Memorial Church in Kenmore. The Darrs were among those featured in All God's Children: The Ultimate Sacrifice.
"All of the pain that I endured had a terrible impact on my life. It prevented me from allowing people to get close to me. I couldn't build an open relationship. I spent years in anger. It affected the way I raised my children, and it brewed beneath the surface during my 32 years of marriage that ended in divorce," said Darr, who now lives in Columbus. "You can suffer for years in silence, but you can't begin to heal until you can talk about it."
Show of solidarity
Darr said he hopes that both the film and his appearance on Oprah will help raise awareness and understanding of the problem of male sexual abuse. He said he agreed to be part of the talk show to help others who have experienced the same trauma.
"My greatest desire is that by standing in solidarity with 200 other survivors, the millions of other victims who are now suffering in silence will know there is hope for them," Darr said. "I know how difficult it is to talk about it, but we've got to open the dialogue so that people are getting the help they need sooner rather than later, like I did."
Colette Jenkins can be reached at 330-996-3731
Contact: cjenkins@thebeaconjournal.com.
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