BishopAccountability.org
	Purple Hearts for Survivors By Jaime Romo Healing and Spirituality September 14, 2010 http://www.jaimeromo.com/blog/ There is a controversy brewing these days about awarding Purple Hearts to war veterans who have experienced Traumatic Brain Injuries. Apparently the discussion is about whether this would ‘cheapen’ the recognition of others who have given their lives for a cause that the country believes in and who have been wounded as a result. There’s a parallel to those who serve and are wounded in religious organizations. Some religious organization members sacrifice on others’ behalf and are recognized for their loyalty within conventional committee work or other efforts to promote or ‘protect the church’. Others are lifted up as ‘saints’ because of extraordinary lives of service in society at large. Survivors merit being lifted up as well as casualties of a system that a group believes in, if not for living extraordinary lives of service to society. Survivors of Religious Authority Sexual Abuse (RASA) have been wounded as a result of giving their lives in faith, loyalty, and belief in religious authorities. We know that these wounds have led to suicides or self destruction; the impacts of RASA continue throughout life and are compounded when others reject their claims, their stories, their life experiences. This is related to religious duress, which has been eloquently articulated by Tom Doyle and Marianne Benkert. Survivors can also play into a strange way of thinking, describing some abusers as ‘the most notorious’ the worst, the ‘biggest loser.’ As if affiliation with a particular kind of celebrity abuser is more noteworthy than other RASA. I call this the pain Olympics. It’s akin to the old Monty Python shtick about whose life was worse. One person describes being so poor that he lived in a shack and had to sleep on a dirt floor and the other asks, ‘Dirt? You had dirt?’ My point is that we are all at the point that we need to move beyond recognizing some as saints or martyrs because they stay in an abusive system and others as less than, if not evil, because they work to name and transform systemic evil. I don’t mean to diminish the good deeds and sacrifice of anyone; rather I mean to expand the discourse that the abuse or being part of the solution is limited to a few people. I don’t mean to lessen the significance of contemporary saints and pioneers in the healing movement, about whom I have written or have interviewed in previous blogs. Rather, I hope to help change public awareness and systemic practices that perpetuate a secret, toxic war in which children and vulnerable adults are casualties. Rather than decorate (i.e., promote) bishops who failed to protect children, we need to reach out to those who are wounded. We need action, beyond a shame or blame paralysis wherein people can be distracted by ‘whose the biggest abuser’ arguments. In light of the pervasiveness of religious authority sexual abuse, those who continue to identify with those religious organizations need to step up and take action. Here are a few suggestions: * I must do more than trust the religious leaders or legislators to make policy changes. * I must actively support survivors by my presence and actions. * I must educate myself about the experiences of RASA and speak up when I see or hear about inappropriate behaviors by members or religious organization personnel. * I must be willing to be uncomfortable and allow others to feel uncomfortable when faced with new, possibly unwelcome information about RASA. * Mostly I must act like an adult—and expect others to be adult when areas that need change become obvious to me, or when policies are not adequate, or when policies are not followed. Those who have experienced RASA may have other actions to take. Those in the throes of their trauma, reliving their abuse in their recalling it are victims who need to get help (i.e., therapeutic) and reach out to others for support. Those in a ‘survivor stage’ need to continue self care, work to be in present and reconcile with their own experiences, and reconcile with others, whether they share abuse experience or not. Those in a more balanced recovery stage, ‘survivor-thrivers’ are responsible for their own mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health, and can help others heal. I saw a coffee shop chalk board saying, “If I could change anything in my life, what would it be?” Related to this topic, RASA, victims in and out of religious organizations might say, ‘I would change the past; I wish that never happened; my life is miserable with the toxic memories that plague me.’ Survivors in and out of religious organizations might say, ‘I wish I could change the present; my life is miserable with the toxic relationships that I continue to find myself in, with my bad choices and bad news that surrounds me.’ Survivor-thrivers might say, ‘I wouldn’t change anything’ (see example). They have found healing through their profound woundedness (see wounded healer video). Survivors of RASA may not want or need a purple heart or to be canonized. I believe that some common decency of being heard and believed would be a nice start, followed by examples by others of demanding transparency and accountability for past abuse in religious organizations by religious authorities. That would be better than a purple heart.
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