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	An Interview with Survivor Turned Thriver, Dr. Kathy Jordan By Dr. Jaime Romo Healing and Spirituality August 26 2010 http://www.jaimeromo.com/blog/ Dr. Kathy Jordan co-wrote “Becoming a Life Change Artist: 7 Creative Skills to Reinvent Yourself at Any Stage of Life” with Fred Mandell Ph.D. Kathy is a psychologist, coach and Reiki energy healing teacher who integrates her expertise in creative skill-building and mind/body practices to help people create more meaningful and joyful lives. She specializes in providing strategies for midlife women as well as survivors of abuse, trauma, and chronic illness to live creatively despite difficult challenges. See her website for more information. JR: I loved your book, ‘Becoming a Life Change Artist: 7 Creative Skills to Reinvent yourself at any stage of life.’ Please give readers a glimpse into it. KJ: My co-author Fred Mandell and I met about 8 years ago at a time when we were both up to our earlobes in personal change. I was living in Boston, the epicenter of the Catholic Church clergy sexual abuse scandal. The non-stop media coverage triggered flashbacks to my experience of sexual abuse by a priest when I was in high school more than 30 years earlier. I had kept that experience a deep dark secret and was for the first time getting some professional help to deal with the impact of the abuse on my whole adult life. Fred was in the process of transitioning out of the corporate world to focus on working as a painter and sculptor. He was also reading a lot about lives of the great masters of art and was beginning to see parallels between the challenges the great artists faced in doing their work and the challenges he was facing navigating a major life change. We decided to work together to explore that relationship. And as we did our research, we began to realize that the creative process and skills used by the great masters of art were essentially the same skills that people used to make successful life changes. We also discovered from our research about the great masters of art, and through our interviews with over 100 people who had gone through a significant life change, that these were skills that could be developed and applied to live a richer, more creative life. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I gradually came to understand that those essential creative skills were not just general life change skills, but were also healing skills, recovery skills. JR: Early in the book you write, ‘Art is born out of the tension an artist feels between what she has created up to that point and her desire to create something new and fresh.’ How does that apply to you? KJ: Whenever I come to a crossroads in my life, it is so tempting to just keep doing things as I have been doing them. Ten years ago my life looked pretty successful from the outside. I had a good job, I had a PhD; people looked up to me for advice. When I felt depressed or anxious, I hid it from others. Before I had treatment for PTSD, I felt a big disconnect between the competent “outside Kathy”, and the low self-esteem “inside Kathy”. The part of me that liked the way others saw me was initially reluctant to fully explore the painful inner world of my sexual abuse by a priest. JR: ‘Becoming’ describes stages of living that I also talk about: victim, survivor, thriver. What helped you in moving through any of those stages? KJ: As I suggested earlier, I rejected my inner “victim” for a good part of my life. So at least on the surface, I was a survivor, functioning quite well as a parent and a professional. Three things were vital in helping me move toward a genuine place of thriving. The first was getting professional therapy. My therapist was amazing in providing a safe space for exploring the details of my abuse, which I had repressed for so many years. Second, was the support of other survivors as well as the incredible support of activists, especially my neighbor Ruth Moore, who had not themselves been abused but were outraged by the prevalence of clergy abuse. Third, I found it very healing to work on the book about using creative skills to have a richer, more authentic life. Figuring out the concepts and writing the book meant that I was able to spend significant time in a positive and creative space, and wasn’t agonizing 24/7 over my abuse. I think it’s important for abuse survivors to have control over when and how they deal with their abuse. Just because CNN has decided on a particular day to talk about the Church sex abuse scandal doesn’t mean that’s the best day for me to deal with it. JR: Many ideas stood out to me. One was, ‘We are what we see.’ What shifts have you made in how you see yourself and what helped you make those shifts? KJ: I think a major change in how I see myself is that I now see myself more fully. Instead of bouncing back and forth between the competent self and the traumatized self, I’m able to see myself as a whole person with both talents and scars—and I feel ok with that. JR: Another point you discussed was being ‘blinded by the familiar.’ I make the following observation and ask this question with my own healing journey in mind and deep appreciation for the trauma of RASA in my heart. I think that some people embrace identities as victim or survivor and may be blinded by the familiarity of that identity. As a psychologist and a survivor-thriver, what do you think? KJ: We all have a tendency to be blinded by the familiar. Our brains are wired to be efficient in how we take in information. If we had to start out each day and look at everything as though it were completely new, we couldn’t make a cup of coffee, we wouldn’t know how to get dressed. Similarly, it can be a good thing to have a coherent self-identity that gives us a starting point for functioning as people, parents, workers, and members of society. But I’ve also seen that some people understandably hang on to their identities as abuse survivors throughout their lives. The abuse survivor identity can be comforting, especially when one is first dealing with the horror of what has happened to us. But I never wanted to be a “professional abuse survivor.” There is so much more to me, and so many more possibilities for leading a joyful life if I am willing to let my abuse be just one part of me, rather than my dominant social identity. JR: You discuss artists using contexts to create something new. How can survivors of RASA use that profoundly painful experience as context to recreate their lives? KJ: The great artists used their artistic context as a starting point for doing something new. Take the French Impressionists of the 19th Century. They were all trained in the traditional painting approach of the day which was basically to do paintings that were as realistic as possible using fairly somber colors. Learning how to paint in the usual way gave the Impressionists a framework for thinking about how they might paint differently. They experimented with new brush strokes, with more vibrant colors, painting without prior sketches, and painting outside. They “played off of” their former conventional artistic identities. Similarly, as abuse survivors we don’t start from scratch. We will always experience the impact of having been abused. That recognition can lead us to be more empathetic towards others who have been wounded in varying ways, perhaps even to choose careers or work that benefits others. Our abuse context can also become a source of deeply satisfying self-expression if we make time for creative pursuits such as journaling, blogging, dance, poetry, drawing, knitting. We can also look around to see what new social contexts might help us move toward a richer life. For example, the explosion of social media such as Twitter, Facebook, and online communities are creating opportunities for many survivors to gain support and reinvent ourselves. JR: Your workshop at the SNAP conference used a grounding technique (chanting a mantra). I relate this to a kind of spiritual practice. What tools have helped you most in being grounded and reviving your spirit? KJ: My primary spiritual practice is a traditional Japanese form of Reiki. Reiki is an energy healing modality that helps people remove physical and emotional blocks. As it is commonly taught in the West, it involves gentle laying-on of hands to allow energy to flow easily through one’s body/mind. Traditional Japanese Reiki also includes breathing practices, meditation, and chanting. When I practice any element of the Japanese system of Reiki I feel connected to a creative source, and I’m not worrying about anything. But there’s also a lot to be said for walking the dog, going bird-watching, and playing with my art journal, all of which are very grounding for me. JR: Related to this, how would you describe your spiritual journey or talk about your spiritual life at this point? KJ: My spiritual life today has inner-directed and outer-directed components. The inner dimension of my spiritual life involves using meditative techniques to connect to universal life energy, a sense of the creative source, and the recognition that all of us are connected through this universal energy or creative source. An outward part of my spiritual life is to work deliberately to support others, and to promote what they are trying to accomplish in their lives in whatever way I can. For many years, my spiritual life has been disconnected from any formal religious group. I go to church for weddings, funerals, or baptisms, but that is only to honor people I care about. I think that many clergy abuse survivors understandably lose their spiritual connection to the Church. JR: The idea of becoming a life change artist might sound like something for those who are already thrivers. What would you say to someone who might feel more like a victim or survivor than anything else? KJ: No matter where we are in our journey of recovery, we can tap into our inborn creative ability and use that as a basis for developing creative approaches to living a rich and meaningful life. Picasso said, “All children are artists. The problem is how to remain one when one grows up.” So I think a good first step for victims and survivors is to rediscover the creative potential we all have. Often we can do that through something as simple as doodling! There is a great book by art therapist Cathy Malchiodi The Soul’s Palette: Drawing on Art’s Transformative Powers for Health and Well-Being. Even if you only read the first few pages, you’ll begin to believe in the importance of creativity to everyone who is in need of healing—and you’ll also start believing in your own creative power! JR: Thank you for your personal example, your inspiring book and your wise counsel. KJ: Jaime, I really appreciate this opportunity to speak with you via your blog. It was a pleasure to meet you at the SNAP 2010 Conference. And I also want to congratulate you on your new book Healing the Sexually Abused Heart. What a gift to those of us who have experienced sexual abuse!
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