Daily Record
August 25, 2010
http://www.dailyrecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/201008250600/COMMUNITIES/100824063
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| Ray Skettini |
Ray Skettini had a chance four years ago to confront the man who admitted to sexually abusing him in a Pequannock church rectory as a child four decades ago.
"Ray, I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart for what I did to you son.'' James Hanley, a defrocked priest, said in front of a crowd.
Skettini by then played a prominent role with other Hanley victims, mostly from Mendham, as an advocate for other abuse victims. Hanley has said Skettini was his first victim decades ago, at Our Lady of Good Counsel in Pequannock.
Skettini, 53, died of a heart attack at home in Vernon on Aug. 9. A memorial celebration of his life will be held on Friday from 2 to 10 p.m. at the clubhouse in Barry Lakes, at 76 Wawayanda Road in Vernon.
Donna Skettini, his wife, said that he had found peace in his life from attending support groups over the years. She said he died in her arms.
"He told me he loved me a lot of times that day,'' she said.
Skettini and others were leafleting a Paterson neighborhood where Hanley lived in May 2006, to let families with children know the former priest's background. Skettini told the Daily Record he felt sorry for Hanley but added that the leafleting was "the right thing to do'' to protect children.
Hanley, a former pastor at St. Joseph's in Mendham who has admitted to abusing at least a dozen children, said that day that Skettini was his first victim. Skettini grew up in Pequannock and attended Our Lady of Good Counsel, Hanley's first post. Skettini went public in 2002 as other Hanley victims were coming forward.
Donna Skettini said her husband had buried his memories. Hanley was among the clergy performing their wedding ceremony, and he baptized their first child, she said. But she said her husband pulled away emotionally at times, and she knew something was wrong. She said it helped him to know there were other victims, and to attend support meetings in Mendham held by the group SNAP, Survivors of Those Abused by Priests.
"It didn't just help him; it helped me to attend,'' Donna Skettini said.
Her husband was among a group of more than two dozen people, mostly victims of Hanley, who received a total of $5 million from the Paterson Roman Catholic Diocese in 2005 to settle a lawsuit. A year later, he talked to Hanley in front of a crowd that included TV cameras and newspaper reporters.
"That day gave most Hanley survivors their first chance to confront him,'' said SNAP member Mark Serrano, who now lives outside of Washington, D.C. "For Ray to look him in the eye was very powerful. ... There was a dynamic shift of power. Suddenly we were the ones who had power and authority, and he wasn't.''
Skettini's family has asked that in lieu of flowers, donations may be made in his honor to SNAP (Survivor's Network of those Abused by Priests), PO Box 300578, St. Louis, Mo., 63130 with a note: In Memory of Ray Skettini/NJ chapter.
Abbott Koloff: 973-428-6636; akoloff@gannett.com
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