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	“Thou Shalt Not Be a Victim. Thou Shalt Not Be a Perpetrator. above All, Thou Shalt Not Be a Bystander.” ~ Holocaust Museum, Washington, Dc By Dr. Jaime Romo Healing and Spirituality August 23 2010 http://www.jaimeromo.com/blog/ I went on a one day semi-retreat over the weekend. Actually, I wanted to see what other people (i.e., a very religious group) were doing for survivors in the name of healing. One survivor left within the first 15 minutes because he didn’t want to hear songs or read poetry. I’m glad I stayed, because there were other survivors in different stages of their recovery that had lots to share about healing—including me. Part of me agrees with the guy who left, beyond his point about the songs and poems. I believe that prayer about victims of sexual abuse without action to end the abuse is weak. There was a time that my action meant shouting at church leaders who refused to speak with victims of Religious Authority Sexual Abuse (RASA). Or projecting 40 foot images of slides that read ‘Protect Children, not Pedophiles’ or “But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.” onto cathedral towers. Yes, I did that—my rage seemed unlimited four or five years ago. My action is different now—more integrated, less outraged, more connected to my body, mind, and spirit. Less intolerant of religious cheerleaders, more encouraged by signs of change, even if it is not local. Before I move on, congratulations to the survivors and supporters in Mexico who worked for years as a coalition of RASA and domestic violence advocates for promoting healing and ending abuse. Last Thursday, President Felipe Calderon signed national legislation was passed unanimously by the Mexican Senate and House of Representatives. The legislation makes pedophilia a federal crime, and imposes severe penalties, fines and actions against persons, institutions, organizations and others who conceal and do not report crimes of sexual abuse. Eric Barragan is quoted in one article as saying that an underlying motivation for this legislation came from the ‘concealment and indifference of the Catholic hierarchy of this country in cases of child sexual abuse by its clergy and organizations that for decades have remained aloof and silent, notwithstanding the many public complaints.” So, I’m a fan of action, just in different ways—less reaction and more transformaction. At one point in the day of reflection, we saw a short animated film called, ‘The Mantis Parable.’ It depicts a caterpillar, soon to be butterfly trapped in a large mason jar, despairing about its future as another botany display in a room surrounded by other insects under glass and pierces with pins. It climbs the twig and attempts escape several times till it is exhausted and immobile at the bottom of the jar. A mantis flies in an open window and the two insects ‘talk.’ “Come out” the Mantis apparently says. “Fly, like me—they’ll kill you if you stay there.” The caterpillar waves its many little arms, as if to say, ‘I can’t.’ In apparent disgust, the Mantis turns, but before it can fly away it is captured and thrown into a large mason jar and awakens to a lid being pierced to let in air and a little light. After some time, when it also gives into fatigue and despair that it will also become an ornithologist pincushion, a butterfly flies into the same open window and lights above the Mantis. Soon, what appear to be fireflies follow and spin around the lid, opening and removing it. The scene ends with the butterfly rescuing an exhausted Mantis and carrying it out of the room and into the freedom of blue sky. Someone described the film as ‘cute.’ I saw a simple ‘Jesus’- resurrection- salvation story. The follow up questions were ‘Can you think of a situation in your own life where you felt like either the caterpillar or the mantis?’ Who in your life has truly been a ‘compassionate presence’ to you? What was that experience like?’ So, I get that I’ve been like the Mantis, yelling at church folks (or victims of RASA) to get out of the jar of ‘reforming’ the church. I’ve been like the caterpillar at the bottom of the jar of PTSD, exhausted and unable to move beyond the pit I found myself in. And, maybe, I’m a bit like the butterfly because I died in so many ways and am now a profoundly different person than I was even 4 years ago. But I’m more of the mind to do something different with the jars. In the horrible story of RASA, aren’t the jars the religious containers that keep some people in and others out, or that keep some as prisoners of the system? Thou shalt not be a victim. Well, that’s hard to do for those who are victims and live with the profound trauma of RASA. But people can take care of themselves get out of the jar of isolation and self-victimization. We can ask for/ find help (not necessarily from church folks/ systems) and begin a healing metamorphosis (see my first blog entry). Thou shalt not be a perpetrator. Yes, there are lots of perpetrators of sexual abuse in churches, schools, and other values driven organizations- people who hide behind the respect given to them and betray others, sexually abuse children and vulnerable adults. And there are so many more bystanders. So church folks, teachers who work with teachers who hurt kids—do something. Survivors and supporters in Mexico worked across religious and secular lines for comprehensive reform and transformation to protect children and vulnerable adults. As long as we stay in our jars, either comfort zones or psychic prisons we call home, we can’t change the system, the metaphoric jar. Do something today to open the jar that keeps children and vulnerable adults trapped as victims of religious or educator or family authority sexual abuse.
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