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	Archdiocese Invites Abuse Victims to September Gathering for Healing, Advocacy By Rick DelVecchio Catholic San Francisco August 11 2010 http://www.catholic-sf.org/news_select.php?newsid=22&id=57442 The Archdiocese of San Francisco is inviting survivors of clergy abuse in San Francisco and the surrounding Bay Area to come together to share food, participate in a group discussion to exchange ideas and discuss individual needs and mutual concerns, including personal healing and advocacy. The meeting, “A Fall Gathering of Clergy Abuse Survivors,” will be held on Saturday, Sept. 18, from 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. at Twin Pines Lodge in Belmont. It will be moderated by Barbara Elordi, Victim Assistance Coordinator for the Archdiocese, and facilitated by two non-Catholic psychotherapists, Marianne Gunther-Murphy MFT and Steve Abrams MFT. Elordi said any survivor who wishes to do so may come with a support person “who has walked this journey with them, if they would find this helpful.” The committee for the gathering consists of five clergy abuse survivors, two parishioners and the Victim Assistance Coordinator. “The idea of this meeting has been in the planning stages for over a year,” Elordi said. “The survivor community has wanted this time to come together, reacquaint with survivors they know, meet new survivors and give everyone an opportunity to ‘check in.’ It was important to the group that the meeting take place in a non-Church setting and that no clergy be present as part of the program.” However, there will be a follow-up meeting in October with Archbishop George Niederauer and Bishop William Justice for any survivors from the September meeting who would like to continue the conversation from the gathering with the bishops. These meetings are designed to broaden the discussions that have previously taken place in survivors’ meetings with Archbishop Niederauer, to give survivors a chance to share their concerns with a larger group and to suggest next steps in working with the Church hierarchy to promote healing. “I’m truly hoping for the best this day in that everyone walks away with something good, something hopeful to hold onto for themselves in moving forward,” Elordi said of the September gathering. Survivor Carol Mateus said she has been encouraging such a gathering for more than a year. She said many victims continue to suffer not only from having been abused but also from having been ignored initially by the Church. “My goal in wanting to do this is not only for us to come together and draw strength but to come together and tell the Church what we need from them in order for us to heal and get over this,” said Mateus, who said she was abused by a priest in the Archdiocese in 1966 when she was a 20-year-old college student. Mateus, who has returned to the Church and belongs to a charismatic prayer group, is hopeful that the bishops can begin to approach survivors’ healing as a responsibility under Church principles of restorative justice. She looks toward diocesan policies that will lead to healing and include services such as “access to qualified therapists without any interference in the therapy by the diocese.” Mateus said: “What heals people from this kind of trauma is love.” Survivor Paul Fericano, who was abused when he was a 14-year-old seminarian in Southern California in 1965, said that trying to find common ground between survivors and the Church has been a long and painful road. “Most of the time people just want to be heard, and from there we find out what they really need,” he said. “Those who I have worked with run the gamut from those who are very angry and have not received any therapy at all to those who have been in therapy quite a few years and are doing deep work on themselves to determine what they really want. It’s all part of the healing process, even litigation for some. “I give the San Francisco Archdiocese a lot of credit because I hear from survivors around the country,” Fericano said. “It is awful what happens in some dioceses, how they slam the door in survivors’ faces. I think it’s important to raise the red flags but also to acknowledge when the Church does something good. All this gives everybody hope – real hope that change is possible.” Fericano agrees that restorative justice is a promising approach. “I don’t know how many times I’ve heard survivors say, ‘It’s never been about the money. Why can’t people understand that?’” he said. “If you were to take a poll I think it would come out that survivors really didn’t care about the money as much as they cared about the Church getting it right and owning up to what happened. A lot of this happened because the Church ignored survivors.” Fericano said he hopes the gathering will help bring parishes into the support effort with survivors and bishops. “Encouraging parishes to reach out to survivors in their parishes – I hate to say adopting a survivor, but there are many survivors who still are Catholic,” he said. “There are many in the pews who have not spoken up about their abuse. We have to be mindful of that reality. You find this in a lot of conservative parishes. They say, “We have had enough of this’ and they unconsciously start blaming the victim.” To survivor Wayne Presley, the meeting “is potentially a step in the right direction.” “Until it happens, I want to reserve judgment, though,” said Presley, who was abused at a Catholic elementary school and a seminary in the 1970s. “I have also seen so many survivors end up feeling hurt and betrayed by Church leaders, so I want to be careful not to get people’s hopes up.” Asked what are his hopes for the October follow-up meeting with Archbishop Niederauer and Bishop Justice, Presley said: “I’d like to see them do even more to find and help survivors.” “There can never be enough outreach,” he said. “It takes decades for most survivors to feel enough trust to come forward. Or, it takes ‘bottoming out’ and losing their family or job or getting arrested until most survivors will finally disclose their pain. That’s why Church leaders must be prodded, again and again, to keep reaching out.” For more information on the gathering, and to RSVP, call (415) 614-5503, a confidential line staffed by survivors. Or, contact Barbara Elordi at (415) 614-5506 or elordib@sfarchdiocese.org For set-up and food planning, please respond by Sept. 10. No one will be turned away. Twin Pines Lodge is located at 30 Twin Pines Lane, off Ralston Avenue, in Belmont.
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