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	On Apology: What I Would Tell the Pope By Virginia Jones The Garden of Roses: Stories of Abuse and Healing March 19, 2010 http://web.me.com/virginiajones/Compsassionate_Gathering/The_Garden_of_Roses/Entries/2010/3/19_On_Apology__What_I_Would_Tell_the_Pope.html UNITED STATES -- In one article I read on Abuse Tracker the author says the Pope is a good guy because he seems to have handled cases of heads of religious orders who abused children very differently from him predecessors. Another article says maybe he knew about abuse and transferred the abuser to a new parish back when he was a Cardinal in Germany thirty years ago. A third article says that he was at the core of wrongdoing. I don't have the ability to know what may or may not have happened. What I do know for sure is the Pope and the leadership of the Catholic Church has a mighty mess on their hands. So here I go. This is what I'd say to the Pope. Your Holiness, thank you so much for giving me some of your time. I have been thinking long and hard on this clergy abuse issue, and I have some ideas I'd like to share with you if I may. Please bear with me. I am not a learned theologian, just a passionate seeker of God's truth. Please forgive me my lapses in not having perfect knowledge of Catholic doctrine and accept that what I say is coming from my heart. I am going to wade into an area that some would say was better left to theologians than to the likes of me. I've always had trouble with the idea of Christ dying for my sins. Why should He be punished for my wrongdoing? And if God is a loving God, why is He so concerned with punishing his children? I think Christ did something far more important than a mere symbolic sacrifice of Himself for our sake. I think Christ took up his cross and bore it to the crucifixion to show us how to live our lives to save ourselves from our own sins. We need to take up our own crosses, no matter how heavy and unfair they may seem to us, and prepare to be crucified ourselves in order to do what is right. Some people say St. Francis said, "Preach always, if necessary use words." Some people say he didn't say that but it is just like something he would say. The point is our acts are more important than our words. I am also drawn to what the Lord's Prayer says about our acts, "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." What I get out of that is that we are supposed to build heaven on earth by living as Christ lived and died. And when are we supposed to do this? Well, in Luke 21:33 Jesus says, "Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my word shall not pass away." This means we are supposed to live the words of Christ all the time no matter what, no matter who we are. In Luke 6:46, Jesus also says about his not so good followers (us Christians), "Why do you call me 'Lord Lord,' but you don't do what I say?" I think you leaders of the Catholic Church should take up your crosses and bear them. I've had people tell me that you Church leaders probably already feel that you are carrying pretty heavy crosses, but I think it behooves you to do even more. You Holiness, I respectfully suggest that humility is a really positive attribute. Humble yourself more than you ever have before in your life. St. Paul said, "...With humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself." As I recall, St. Francis would find new monks during chapter meetings and instruct them to make him their servant. He did this to keep himself humble, to remind himself of the importance of serving others. I think St. Francis makes an excellent model. Maybe you should follow St. Francis' example and seek out survivors and ask them how you can serve them. If you don't want to listen to me because I am so small and unimportant, maybe you can listen to Dr. Aaron Lazare. He is a professor of psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts School of medicine. He has studied apology for nearly twenty years and he wrote a book about it called On Apology. Read it. It turns out that really good apologies create healing and forgiveness spontaneously. Remember former president Bill Clinton? He had to apologize quite a few times for his affairs with Monica Lewisnky before we all felt halfway comfortable that he might actually mean it. I am saying this even though I am a Democrat who voted for Bill Clinton twice. Good apologies need to take the stigma and guilt of a crime off the shoulders of the victim and place them squarely onto the shoulders of the perpetrator of the crime or even a "lesser" criminal bad act such as covering up abuse. Actually covering up abuse may be more harmful than the abuse itself. Good apologies also will reassure us that this won't happen again, that the perpetrators of a crime are working very hard to change their ways permanently. Good apologies often include some sort of reparation. For Heaven's sake, your Holiness, why do you make survivors sue the Church in order to do things for them? Why not set up a fund that Catholics can check off when they fill out their forms for the Archbishops Appeal, a fund that will pay for therapy and other forms of healing for survivors of abuse. I got that idea from quite a few other people who thought of it before me, but it is so good that it bears repeating. Sometimes victims of crimes need to have some retribution before they feel they can move on. This isn't necessarily putting someone in jail for covering up abuse, but I am guessing that many survivors would feel much better if Cardinal Law was serving soup in a soup kitchen rather than presiding over a cathedral in Rome or whatever it is he does in Rome. Humility is a good thing. It brings us closer to God. Maybe a whole bunch of Cardinals should start taking care of AIDS patients in San Francisco or lepers in India or victims of child trafficking in South East Asia. Benedict, Your Holiness, get in touch with your inner Christian. Channel Mother Theresa. And St. Francis. You know, like Padre Pio. Didn't Padre Pio build a hospital after World War II? Build a retreat center for survivors – a hospital for the soul. Also start meeting with clergy abuse survivors. To paraphrase Aaron Lazare, victims of crime often want to be able to grieve and express their feelings towards their offenders. Listen compassionately. Reflect the feelings and wounds survivors tell you about. In my experience, many priests are very good at listening compassionately. Surely you have those skills too. Put those skills to work. The people of this planet would love you and would be so inspired. You would renew the Catholic Church the way St. Francis did – through your courageous acts. I look forward to hearing from you, Your Holiness. You can contact me, Virginia Jones at compassion500@gmail.com. I am happy to help.
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