BishopAccountability.org
	Welcoming Bartimaeus All Kinds of Writing December 23, 2009 http://web.me.com/virginiajones/Compsassionate_Gathering/The_Garden_of_Roses/Entries/2009/12/22_Tuesday,_December_22,_2009.html United States -- I first heard the story of Bartimaeus the blind beggar Jesus healed on the road to Jericho (Luke chapter 18:35-43 and Mark chapter 10:46-52), during the Gospel readings for Mass in the Fall 2003. Hearing it, I experienced an epiphany. I understood that survivors of clergy abuse were like the blind beggar and the people and the leadership of the Catholic Church were like the disciples around Jesus who told Bartimaeus to go away and not bother Jesus. Over and over we Catholics have told survivors of clergy abuse to go away and be quiet and not to bother us. Jesus always welcomes the wounded, and He does everything He can to heal them. Galvanized by the story of Bartimaeus, I started handing out newspaper articles on the clergy abuse scandal in my parish. I thought that if only other Catholics knew more about the issue, they would be moved to act. It didn't work out that way. A few people supported me privately. Others told my friends that they were concerned but did not wish to risk their relationship with the Franciscan priests who staff our parish. Others reacted with hostility towards me and my message. The more I was rejected, the angrier I got – until, in March 2004 -- when I got myself thrown out of the parish for being confrontational. Did you get that? I got thrown out of my parish in March 2004 for being confrontational. I am not telling the whole story here. I am not ready. My family is still experiencing trauma related to the series of events we went through in 2004. For the sake of my children, my complete story must remain private for now. Fortunately, one person in the parish was very brave. Her name is Mary Lou Hennrich. She was appalled by how church leadership treated me. Mary Lou pleaded my case before the Pastoral Council of the Church. She managed to convince the Chair of the Pastoral Council that the Church should apologize to me and that I should be invited back to the Parish. The pastor of the Church at the time adamantly refused to apologize to me or to invite me back to the Parish. However, in January 2005, he was moved to another Parish. The new Franciscan pastor, Fr. Armando Lopez, apologized to me and invited me back to the Church. He even allowed me to speak before the Pastoral Council. Unfortunately the Pastoral Council was not moved by my pleas to reach out to survivors. Fortunately, in time, some survivors who were abused by Franciscan priests persuaded Fr. Armando to hold forums on clergy abuse in the parish. More people came forward to say they too were wounded by the clergy abuse issue and the removal of an abusive priest from our parish. Some people spoke of family members who left the Catholic Church permanently. Others spoke of coming back after a few years absence as they struggled alone with their faith. These forums persuaded Fr. Armando that I was right, that the issue of clergy abuse remained a raw wound that needed attention, and he supported me holding Compassionate Listening sessions in the parish. A few survivors of clergy abuse came forward. Parishioners also got a chance to their own stories of pain and confusion related to the issue. Others who were not abused by priests were attracted to our compassion, and we opened our listening sessions to anyone abused in any way. One woman angrily confronted me, "It's not just priests who abuse. How come you focus on priests?" "We don't just listen to priest abuse survivors," I said, "We listen to anyone who was abused." Later the woman came to one of our Gatherings and confessed that her father abused her for many years. This is important. By reaching out to anyone who is abused, I have been able to build support for what I do inside Ascension parish. As I tell this story the thought comes to me. I could use my own listening session inside of a Catholic Church. I would love to have other Catholics listen to my pain and validate my feelings and my values. The events surrounding me being thrown out of a Catholic Church was the most the most deeply wounding experience in my life after having been sexually abused as a child and raped on a date as an adult. The experience also deeply wounded my children. The summer of 2004 -- after I was thrown out of my parish -- I drove down Highway 101 to Southern California to visit my aunt who lives in Los Angeles. Just after I pulled back onto the highway after buying gas in some small town south of Salinas, my five-year-old daughter said, "I have to go to the bathroom." "OK," I said, "Next chance we get, we'll stop so you can go to the bathroom." Well, there are only two Rest Areas on 101 between Los Angeles and San Francisco, and we weren't anywhere close to either one. Moreover the area I was driving through was rural. No towns and no gas stations appeared as the miles passed. Finally I saw a sign along the highway for Mission Soledad, an old, historic Franciscan mission, and I decided to try to find a public bathroom there. I made the mistake of telling my children that Mission Soledad had been a Franciscan mission. My five-year-old daughter and my eight-year-old son knew we had been thrown out of a Franciscan Church. There was no way they were going to risk going through that again. They refused to get out of the car. I pleaded with my children, "There are no Franciscans here anymore. They are all gone now." My children weren't buying it. They continued to refuse to budge from the back seat of the car. "No one knows Mommy here," I said. "No one is going to hurt us here." My children remained in the car. They couldn't trust no one would hurt us. I wondered what to do. Fortunately we parked by a grape arbor in the rear of the Mission. I persuaded my children to get out of the car to taste the grapes. Then we discovered a pond with fish. The fish were very inviting and lots of fun to watch. There was an olive grove. We played among the olive trees. Only then was I able to persuade my daughter to enter the Church to look for a bathroom. More than five years have come and gone since then, but my children still remember being thrown out of church. Just the other day my daughter told me that she wishes the people who threw us out of our parish would acknowledge the harm they did to us and apologize to us. The events we went through in 2004 were so painful that I cried every time I went to Mass. I am devoted to my faith so I attended Mass at another Catholic Church with my children after I was thrown out of Ascension. Later, after Fr. Armando apologized to us and invited us back to Ascension, I felt anxiety every time I drove into Ascension's parking lot. Some people gossiped about me; others openly shunned me. It hurt. Two things helped me heal. First I learned the skill of Compassionate Listening from The Compassionate Listening Project. I learned it to teach the skill to other Catholics to help them to learn how to listen compassionately to survivors of clergy abuse. But the skill also helped me express my concerns and my feelings in ways that were much gentler and much easier for others to listen too. The second thing that helped me heal was Fr. Armando Lopez's support for me and my children. He supported me holding listening sessions for survivors inside the parish. He supported me when other parishioners were still saying that I was "mentally unstable." He supported me when the Archbishop questioned the value of my work. Fr. Armando also provided ongoing emotional support for my children, particularly for my son who has Asperger's Syndrome and gets teased at school for his unusual behaviors. At first I couldn't completely trust Fr. Armando, but when he kept supporting me and my children month after month for years, I felt safe again inside of a Catholic Church. Just as my children and I felt anxious entering Catholic Churches for a very long time, many survivors of Catholic clergy abuse feel too anxious to enter a Catholic Church. Sometimes all that is needed to evoke anxiety is a religious object such as a crucifix. I've even heard of survivors experiencing panic attacks when they hear an Irish accent because so many abusive priests came from Ireland in years past. I believe that other Catholics supporting and believing survivors of clergy will effect much healing, just as Fr. Armando's support for me and my children helped us heal. We Catholics simply need to heed the example of Jesus and listen compassionately to the cries of Bartimaeus. A note: Someone called me last week concerned that Fr. Armando might be an abusive priest because he has been moved from Ascension parish to St. Boniface's Friary in San Francisco. This person wondered if this was the same old pattern of the Catholic Church moving priests around to hide wrongdoing. Just to clarify the story, I will tell you more about the Franciscan Order and the parish. Ascension had an abusive priest removed from the parish. A newspaper in another state printed accusations of abuse against the priest on a Saturday. During the Saturday Vigil Mass and Sunday morning Masses, the priest announced the accusations and read a letter from the Franciscan Order stating that the accusations had been investigated and found not to be substantiated. The next weekend the priest was gone and most of us never heard from him or saw him again. The pain and unanswered questions this experienced caused in the parish and inside me caused me to investigate the clergy abuse issue and start advocating for survivors. Fr. Armando's move to San Francisco was routine. Every three years the Franciscans have a Chapter meeting, and they get together and elect or re-elect a Provincial Minister for the Order. New Provincial Ministers routinely move priests around and make changes after they are elected. The last Chapter meeting was in January 2009. Even before the Chapter meeting took place, rumors passed around that Ascension would lose our beloved Fr. Armando. In Spring 2009, the Franciscans announced that they were not only moving Fr. Armando, they were moving Fr. Larry, Br. Didicus and Br. Freddy. However, we still had three or four months before the move took place in the summer. Three new Franciscans arrived at Ascension this last summer as the old Franciscans were leaving. Moreover, Fr. Armando has been back to visit Ascension parish at least twice since he went to San Francisco to give Spanish language retreats. He even presided over Sunday Mass at Ascension a few weeks ago. The circumstances were entirely different when the abusive priest was removed from Ascension. He never came back to the parish, and his whereabouts are unknown to most parishioners. If anyone in the San Francisco Bay area wants to work with a compassionate priest, Fr. Armando Lopez is very interested in bringing together survivors of abuse together with other Catholics for mutual healing and understanding through listening. You can contact him at: St. Boniface's Friary 133 Golden Gate Avenue San Francisco, California 94102 phone: 415-863-0111 Actually I was quite worried when the Franciscans moved Fr. Armando to San Francisco, but not about abuse. The Archdiocese of Portland does not support my work. I have only been able to operate inside of a Catholic Church because Fr. Armando supported me. I was afraid a new pastor would not support me. Fortunately Fr. Armando advocated for me, and I have the full support of the new Franciscan pastor, Fr. Ben Innes. I will write a little more about Fr. Ben in my next blog on the Rosary of Compassion.
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