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	"Home Was Never Home to Me Again" By Bob Vaillancourt The Sudbury Star November 10, 2009 http://www.thesudburystar.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=2168662 The victims of Roman Catholic Priest Bernard Cloutier told a Sudbury court Monday how they turned to drugs and alcohol to try and deal with the fact a trusted family friend had sexually abused them when they were just boys. "It took all the courage and strength of my young mind and soul to tell my mother what had happened to me and once I had, my total world as I had known it for 13-1/2 years began to collapse," one of Cloutier's four victims told the priest's sentencing hearing. Cloutier was sentenced to five years in prison for sexual assaulting four young boys over a period of nearly nine years, more than quarter century ago. In victim impact statements both read and filed with the court, the four talked about how the abuse affected them. None of the four, who are now all middle-aged men, can be named because of a court order. All four talked of dramatic changes in their lives because of the assaults they suffered at the hands of Cloutier. One said his relationship with his mother was severed because of his revelations. "My mom was a devout, church-going Catholic her whole life and she simply could not conceive of such heinous acts committed against her family by a trusted friend and so-called pillar of the community. "My relationship with her was greatly compromised as a result of this crime, and for the rest of her life it became a love-hate relationship. I never got over her abandonment of me," he said. "Home was never home to me again. As much as I craved her love and acceptance, she seemed to constantly find fault with everything I did and this led to many confrontations between my mother and I. "I began to go out of my way to stay out of the house as much as possible. It was no longer a safe haven." In the end, he said, he realized his mother, who died in 2000, was as much a victim of Cloutier as he was. All four of the victims told the judge how they have sought psychiatric help, and been prescribed anti-depressants to help them deal with the impact of the assaults. They spoke of having difficulty maintaining long-term relationships and of suicidal thoughts, all to escape memories of what happened. One of the victims talked about how Cloutier entered his life about the time his father had been killed in a hunting accident. His mother had gone into a deep depression because of his father's death, said the man. "I felt I had lost two parents." But instead of helping him cope with the loss, Cloutier exploited it, he said. Turning to face Cloutier, the man said, "Bernie, I trusted you and you betrayed me and my family. "Today I forgive you and I want you to pray every day to my father and ask his forgiveness for what you did." Aside from turning to look, Cloutier showed no reaction. Cloutier "violated everything," said another victim. "He violated our trust, our love. Besides my own parents, I loved that man like a sibling. He went against all that when he abused me.' Contact: bvaillancourt@thesudburystar.com
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