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	Authors Shares Perspectives on Sex Abuse with Group in Washington By Nanci G. Hutson The News-Times August 6, 2009 http://www.newstimes.com/ci_12998743 WASHINGTON -- At a long table in the Washington Club Hall, two women and a man unveiled to a small audienceshows how their lives have been marked by sexual abuse -- one as victim, one as offender, and another as a researcher. All three -- Kristen Skedgell, James Cordelino and Lisa Rene Reynolds -- have written books about their experiences and participated in the July 29 panel discussion, titled "Power: It's Role in Sexual Abuse.'' About 30 people attended. The moderator was the Rev. Ellen Tillotson, pastor of the Trinity Episcopal Church in Torrington. Each of the stories shows what it means to be human and the spiritual blessings that can come from telling truths far too often unspoken, she said. Over 25 years of ministry, Tillotson said, her mission has been to share God's unconditional love with believers and doubters, and to assure people that "anything broken can be healed." For Cordelino, spiritual exploration came after his life was ripped apart six years ago by his own carnal desires. In his book, "Two to Six -- A Sex Offender's Story,'' Cordelino, 54, of New Preston, reveals the impact of being branded a sex offender, convicted of trysts with underage male prostitutes, and child pornography. In his talk, Cordelino said he justified his lifestyle as doing no harm. He certainly never saw himself as a sexual predator. So how does he make amends for a crime that to most people is inconceivable? By telling the truth, he said. He read an online commentary posted by an unindentified mother of two teenage boys who had read his book. She wrote that she does not condone his offenses but believes he is answering his mistakes so he can "live a better life and become a better person.'' Before reading his story, the woman said, if someone had asked her if she would invite a convicted sex offender to dinner she would have said "Hell, no!'' "But now I've come to see that we cannot allow all-encompassing titles and past actions to overpower our judgments. Everything is not black and white -- and to ignore the gray will only show the desire for ignorance,'' she wrote. The second speaker, Reynolds, a Litchfield County therapist and practicing Catholic, wrote a 2004 book titled, "Coming Out and Covering Up: Catholic Priests Talk About Sex Scandals in the Church,'' which explored the impact the church sex scandal had on practicing priests. She found priests angered that the church was able to use its power to hide their colleagues' wrongdoing. Many she interviewed said the worst part of the scandal for them was that they were now under a "magnifying glass'' that left them isolated. Most yearn for a more open dialogue, so parishioners accept that priests are not immune to "human error,'' she said. Reynolds said her own faith has been enhanced by the honesty of the priests willing to acknowledge their personal struggles. She said she admires their compassion and desire to spread God's love to their parishioners. The final speaker was Skedgell, 53, a Litchfield County social worker in a maximum-security prison. She wrote "Losing the Way: A Memoir of Spiritual Longing,'' about living in a cult from age 14 to 29. Skedgell said she fell prey to the fundamentalist cult The Way, because she was seeking a family beyond her own. The leader, a "father figure,'' was charismatic, and she was brainwashed to do anything for him, even when it felt wrong. "He was God to me,'' she said. From her experience, she said she knows if something seems too good to be true, it most often is. The power of secrecy fueled the exploitation, she said. Asked how she found healing, she said it has come from telling the story. Her fellow speakers concurred. Contact Nanci Hutson at nhutson@newstimes.comor at (860) 354-2274.
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