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	This Community Enabled the Molestations By Phil Jacobs Baltimore Jewish Times May 9, 2009 http://blogs.jewishtimes.com/index.php/jewishtimes/philjacobs/this_community_enabled_the_molestations1/ He officiated at many weddings, including my own. He officiated at many bar and bat mitzvahs, including my wife's. He officiated at my sister-in-law's wedding. He also asked that same sister-in-law out on a date. He was 52. She was 21. Okay, but that was the rabbi, well, being the rabbi. None of us longtime Jewish Baltimoreans needed to be reminded that there was always a wink or a permissible zone of conduct not reserved for many others that we permitted with him. His reputation as a hugger, a kisser, and a ladies' man happened in public view. We thought it was cute. He's 50 and he still likes the girls. But then it became he's 60 and he still likes the girls. Then, 70. He was 85 when he was convicted for fourth-degree sexual assault. Is it cute now? Let it not be ignored that we allowed this to happen. One victim told me that she begged her parents that she not have to go into the rabbi's office when she was 14. She thought he was "creepy." When she returned to her mother and told her the rabbi kissed her on the lips and touched her, she was asked to keep it quiet. The rabbi didn't ask her to keep it quiet. Mom did. He knew something. The young teen's word wouldn't be believed. This was the rabbi who married her parents. He eulogized her grandparents. He was the rabbi who wasn't going to pass judgment on their religious practice. We receive phone calls and e-mails, some from women who see his conviction as a vindication for a secret that's tormented their lives. We also receive comments from people who call the reporting of this crime, and possible others, "one-sided," and that the rabbi has done so much for so many over the years. Maybe all along, through the years, we were a little too one sided in our past reporting of the rabbi. A Baltimore Jewish Times cover story lists all of the wonderful accomplishments and contributions he has made to this community. That's not the only story like that over the years. We didn't ask him then about difficult topics, such as, there is this community feeling that you have been a bit too familiar with the ladies; yet we knew well about the "big elephant in the room." There's also this discussion focused on the women who bring about the allegations. Some people have all but compared their victimizations to acts of prostitution, like they deserved it. Others pretty much have told us that these women led the rabbi on. Maybe a person freezes when they feel someone they trust place a hand on their breast without consent. All of this might have been prevented. We enabled it to get this far. The smnirks, the eyeball-rolling, the comments. Instead, maybe we've had spiritual leaders who, on one hand, do great things, but who maybe, just maybe need help. And because seemingly nothing was being done, there was more reward than risk. He knew that. After all, who was going to tell? Certainly nobody in the Jewish community. Perhaps that's why one victim, who isn't Jewish, felt unencumbered to press charges. She doesn't have to go home to this community. Her parents were not married by him. Her grandparents weren't buried by him. Another longtime community rabbi, when asked about these recent allegations, perhaps said it best: "This is an old story. It's a story that is part of the culture of this community. In some ways, it was true of Rabbi [Ephraim] Shapiro as well." The late Rabbi Shapiro allegedly molested hundreds of boys and girls while spiritual leader of Agudas Achim and then the Talmudical Academy. "The norms of our society have changed over the years," said the community rabbi. "One would expect the norms of behavior of an individual would change to adapt to the new rules and, if they don't, then they have to pay the price. He should have been smart enough o know that behavior which might have been acceptable 20 years ago isn't anymore. He has to go to every person he hurt and ask them for forgiveness."
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