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	Manipulation, Threats Help Molesters Hide Secrets By Meg Kissinger Milwaukee Journal Sentinel March 27, 2009 http://www.jsonline.com/news/wisconsin/42007842.html People who have molested children for years typically get away with it for so long because the victims are not inclined to tell others, said Dale Bespalec, a psychologist for 30 years who has specialized in sex crimes against children. Victims, especially young children, might feel threatened, he said. "The molester might say, 'If you tell, Mommy or Daddy will go to jail.' Or, 'Your dog will die,'?" Bespalec said. Child molesters are master manipulators, said Bespalec, who worked with sex offenders for 10 years with the Wisconsin Department of Corrections and now is on the staff of the Wisconsin School of Professional Psychology. Peter Isely, Midwest director of the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, an organization to aid those abused by clergy, said molesters get away with their crimes for so many years because society typically doesn't understand how child molesters act. "No one understands the mind of a child better than a child molester," Isely said. "Most of their crimes never go reported." In many cases, the abusers manipulate their victims into thinking that they want to be abused. They treat the children with candy or special privileges. Boys are less likely than girls to report abuse because they might fear the stigma of homosexuality, Bespalec said. Isely said the molesters don't feel shame, but their victims do. "They feel the criminal's shame," said Isely. "And so they hide." Because the children are led to believe that this is what they want, it can take years for them to acknowledge that they did not voluntarily have sex with their abuser, Bespalec said. Typically, the victims suppress their angst over the attacks and the stress builds up over years, Bespalec said. That is why children who have been abused are more likely to develop depression, get divorced, and abuse drugs and alcohol. For their part, the child molesters typically imagine that the child is enjoying the process. Many pedophiles are sexually attracted to children in the same way that normal adults are attracted to each other. The pedophile might know on one level that the behavior is wrong but cannot control the physical attraction to children, Bespalec said. The more trustworthy a position the molester is in - such as a priest or a teacher or a coach - the more likely he or she is to abuse the greatest number of people. "This kind of horror can exist in the most ordinary of places," Isely said.
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