[See also other articles by Gustavo Arellano.]

Haidl.

And who could it be, in a sex-themed year, but our favorite gang-rapist/felon, Greg Haidl ? Sure, he had a little help from his friends the night he videotaped his posse inserting Snapple bottles and pool cues and lit cigarettes into the vagina of a passed-out sixteen-year-old. But they’re just your garden-variety gang rape schnooks. It was Haidl, son of a centimillionaire one time assistant sheriff, who directed the action for his no doubt artistic slice of cinema verite. Oh, we could wish on him anal pain from a big bruiser cellmate, but we’re actually better than that. We’ll even hope that he doesn’t catch a life-threatening disease from said big bruiser cellmate. We will note, however, that if something like that were to come to pass, it would doubtless make all the GOP legislators who voted against distributing condoms to inmates feel really, really bad. Or not. Whatever, they suck.

E-mail: GARELLANO@OCWEEKLY.COM