The Independent
28 December 2004
Timothy McVeigh didn't do it. Nor did Monica Lewinsky. Tony Blair said he'd done it even though he hadn't - and eventually got someone else (Patricia Hewitt) to do it for him. For different reasons, none of these three offered an adequate apology for doing wrong - and the world, it seems, is a poorer place because of it.
Apology has never been the buzz word of the therapeutic community. Psychologists have preferred to focus on the healing benefits of forgiving and letting go. That could all change in 2005, however, with the publication in March of an authoritative new book claiming that the apology is "one of the most profound interactions that can occur between people".
Arguing that forgiveness inevitably follows an effective apology and is impossible without it, Professor Aaron Lazare, Dean of the University of Massachusetts medical school and the author of On Apology, says saying sorry has the power "to heal humiliations, free the mind from deep-seated guilt, remove the desire for vengeance, and restore broken relationships". ...
Another common pseudo-apology uses the conditional to avoid taking full responsibility for what has happened. Cardinal Edward Egan, of New York, qualified the apology he delivered at the height of the Catholic Church's paedophile crisis, three times in a sentence: "If in hindsight we also discover that mistakes may have been made as regards prompt removal of priests and assistance to victims, I am deeply sorry." Few were reassured.